Social DistanceS

This is the era of the CoronaVirus CoVid19. 

The beautiful IB Pier is empty because its closed so that there won't be any congregating which is how the virus is transmitted the quickest.  My "life" is still complicated by Sleep Apnea and my ERSF. I somehow experienced a spontaneous self healing regarding my heart.  It's now back to a normal function after failing for over 20 years???  I've fostered supportive energetic healing from friends besides my own more concentrated conscious healing energy on my life.  

It will be hard repopulating that SOCIAL DISTANCE.

Rally Against My Insanity

*dedicated to John Stewart's Rally for A Return of Sanity, 10/30/2010

To issues of complexity, is something thus contrived?
I look at the ocean and see complexity truly alive.
I cannot concur a self so responsive, while I aspire
No is a facade I present to balance a chaotic rivalry
between knowing and believing, real and imagined.

For just this moment, if I may cast a new self to make
A real no for a stand, against my negative expression
where I halt steps to my ill-conceived myriad manners,
like so many recursions over simplicity reduces friction.
Sing against mechanical knowing of what will proceed.

Perhaps no better a place exists to purchase a cliche
just this once, for a successful rally against negativity
having surrendered to a self lacking the eloquence
to reject the incompetent manner of a self negated
by the twisted false self, self serving act of hypocrisy.

How I manage all defeat by self prophecy, is less -
than my own untoward rejection of good, by fuzz
I offer a homage to humor's value in this process
and understand other's laughter provides focus.
"Blah, blah, blah," I said missively, "or something."

I now rally against that innocence as contrivance
And note the cliche of truth equated to something
and my sincerity juxtaposed to my teacher's dismay
in a class laughing uproaringly, skipping the question.
Pride, rebelliousness, vanity - conspired to make me.

The tension my manners, innocently suggesting, are
a discordant state of mind seeking a quest against
true answers, true questions, and smart relevance.
Pure vanity and pride matter if we lack a response.
And rallying, a question asks how to restore sanity.

Let this moment rally against din of false begging
where innocuous logic using innocuous notions
stated simply as something, raise a veil of derision
instead of being honest about asking a question
where no right answer begs us yet, to stumble on.

For Understanding

Over the last 13 years since brushing death with congestive heart failure, I have consciously turned to poetry as a therapy when my broken heart sorrow was too much to bare. My muse has been such a divine gift, you don't find at the corner market, and nothing in the world has anything to say either. The gift is received within and desires to inspire an ultimate action. This action is blessed by the muse for understanding what needs your attention regardless. The choice to act is not an issue to muse but rather a constant call one's muse steps in like some overseas long distance operator. And, while I can describe specific effects that happen to quicken my vibration and spontaneous connections relevant and energizing as the muse moves within, I'm finally coming to a place of calm in which my attention is turning even further beyond what muses understand. There's really only gratitude for what grace and blessing I have already been given in this sense as I feel nothing but happiness knowing my muse stands here ready to evolve as well.

My muse has made me so giddy and kinetic, I often feel unequal to her charm and power. And as my own path evolves beyond self expression into self remembering, I am not too sure how to say the love I feel for what has given me so much insight throughout my life, because that love is aboslute and nothing spoken or known can express what it means that forever means more than ever will ever be and after. What I feel for now might help is just a little attention kept on a tune, a song sung about how beautiful a muse is - a call to higher calling.

... In Blinks

4 So much matters,
the clogs of life, hike a homey
his cost for high, astronautic
no comps on this level
his walk up starts
before sunrise
make a Jesus
in blinks.

copyright © 6/2010 rjduberg

Making the Separation

I'm finding ways to seize my awareness on separate parts of my being. The secret to it seems to be developing at least one neutral ongoing higher aim which can somehow be kept active collecting portals to fashion up the lack of integrity with the innocence of starting anew in the question over being confused on how.

I am bubbling over with disappointment over being unable to empower a response by my muse to write some poetry with new purpose. It's all about revealing quiet within subtly, and I'm not even in the ball park yet I don't think.

Boston Insight

I’m quite shocked by my sister’s invitation to help me move near her in Boston. She’s not kidding, and it concerns me a little, whether this invitation is really out of consideration for me or whether it serves some hidden personal need. I have always been and felt like her hero protector, defending her to her and the world whenever circumstances or will of opposition appeared to conspire against her. From all accounts, nothing has really changed in her life, or she’s not speaking up about it. This latest invitation does “up the ante” a little bit, yet how huge is a move like that? If it’s just a good idea on her end, I could wind up so far away from any comfort zone and with my various medical issues that’s more than just a small bit of concern. I’ve been living at my current residence with roommates John and Matt, now for almost 5 years. We have a strong and reliable unity which allows for complete independence as well. It’s easily one of the best living situations I’ve ever established in life, and abandoning this would seems foolish unless I was unable to maintain it for some reason. But Boston! Think of opportunity for new adventure, exploring the roots of America, culturally, historically, politically, etc.  In some ways, life here has stalled for me for quite some time, particularly professionally and romantically. Reviving myself in a new market like Boston would be like being reborn in a higher plane of existence.

I realize this is all imagination and the truth could simply be that I drag whatever conditions source what is manifesting in my life along with me to Boston, not doing them (Bostonians) any favors as well, right? If you’re following this line of reason there is a really subtle and powerful insight to be made regarding conscious transformation this illustrates well having to do with HOW to create the proper attitude in order to “usher in” transformation in terms of making a necessary change within instead of trying to do it from the outside in (which is how our linear minds conceive the process of purposeful change... Have, Do, Be vs Be, Do, Have). The logic of reason which blames circumstances for our satisfaction in life is overwhelmingly tempting because its precisely how we recall events and how they relate to one another. What is unseen, invisible, and revealed by quantum mechanics theoretically is that context both transcends and determines manifestation and how manifestation unfolds by virtue of being the “space” in which manifestation is expressed.

This wisdom is nothing new of course and goes all the way back to the Buddhist view of life as being essentially empty and meaningless in truth. Nothing exists except that we say that it does of course, and the reality of this is that speech as a fact is not the point but rather it’s expression of subjectivity, expressly human, and its calling influence in real terms of manifesting vibrational attraction and influence via the quantum realities which transcend time and space - makes it relevant for how it structures subjectivity in reality. So, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but more than that is the divinity of infinite diversity and embodied spirit in unique and original instances of existence and being. This is the ultimate expression of beauty of course, where the source and unity of spirit (the source of all that eternally exists) intersects and is expressed in the essence of human  individuality. The magic of humanity is how it sits at the zenith or pinnacle of this possibility, having the greatest and most powerfully expansive capacity and manifestation of this intersection. Humanity actually represents an evolution to this cosmological beauty by introducing conscious will, or the capacity for individuality to DIRECT, SOURCE, and otherwise make this intersection’s expression intrinsic to their being and
 an EVOLVING RELEVANCE also known as TEACHING, but factually a conscious transmission of evolution leap frogging material processes via spiritual dimensions which are non-physical and transcendent.

Excuse me for going off on a rant like that but whenever I happen upon an opportunity to view from such a high vista in moments when the sky is clear the ecstatic nature of that view never seems to fail in tempting me <vbs>.

There is teaching and then there is TEACHING which is spiritual evolution and only heard by those making a conscious effort to hear. The words have a transcendental ‘flow’ to them which to some degree always challenges and defeats the dualistic linearity of the rational mind, introducing a kind of internal and hidden message at precisely that place as well only the conscious effort to be present, allowing the soul direct contact in the moment, can understand and benefit from. This benefit is the TEACHING which has the single aim of promoting the individual’s conscious spiritual evolution and even more their value of their individual capacity to evolve themselves from within.

OK...so what is the relevance of all this to Boston you ask? Seeing Boston in terms of representing an opportunity to revive my life in certain dimensions is only valid insofar as I consciously contribute a new choice of purpose which is an open contribution when I get there. If going there to GET something is the active context in my experience, I will get what I already have, and my very presence will turn Boston into another Imperial Beach which I assure you has many positives, but certain absences which I have noted LOL. That’s called the baggage, which you hear referred to time and time again in pop psychology. Anyway, whew, that was an exciting little write just now, which I hope wasn’t too long and didn’t get too far out of hand. I know your heart well enough to know that you are one of the few that is listening and evolving or I wouldn’t have been so crass to waste your time with my mutterings. But, given who you are, I just know that being on that path and hearing the spirit teach through another is always a divinely rare moment in time, too few for me to be sure.

The move to Boston needs a little more convergence of support at this point for it to happen I think. That’s an important point I recall I wanted to make having to do with the exception to the case regarding baggage. Karma and the roll of that wheel takes place on a scale of time spanning lifetimes, such that when people talk about having lived multiple lifetimes in this incarnation what they’re talking about distinct from transformation is the roll of karma. It may simply be a transitional period of karma emerging and without doing any inner work my karmic evolution is rolling into a new period so that arriving in Boston may also be a natural and UNCONSCIOUS change in my natural being as a contribution. Anything is possible in this sense, paupers have become kings, throughout time immemorial – all having nothing to do with conscious evolution and transformation.

I should add that larger karmic issues do not judge virtue in their mechanisms of balance, that principle determining a denser play of reality. Just as many kings have lost their heads without any reason or cause on their part simply to satisfy this ongoing energetic correction in the universal unfolding manifestation of mind and matter, as well.

At any rate, my promise of HOW might have been a slight exaggeration regarding the insight. I probably should have said WHAT to be more accurate regarding the insight and its relevance to making conscious change in one’s life.

I’ll keep writing, and at some point with your permission will organize and read through the ‘chapters’ I have received by you. Then, if you still want I will send my notes on ways you might consider improving what you have of course, if they impress you of being positive changes, for sure.

Searching for Clarity

I am fast into studying spiritual doctrine for clarity, the kind that inspires the thought synchronous balance on the karmic situation I'm in. My primary focus today has to do with Tantra Yoga and the possibility of finding people who can help train my sensitivity which, through training and development, I hope to have account for a healthy balanced and embodied spiritual existence currently tied to this mortal physical human body and life.

This morning I've been listening to this country's mainstream Christian speakers. Just an amazing experience as I find the most hypocritical and contradictory expression of spirit being made. Christianity is being secured to the idea that by faith alone and nothing else, one receives a covenant from God, a promise, his divine grace, and an eternal life everlasting. Wow. That's the core and the rest of what you get is straight used car sales, and business appears to be good! Joyce Meyer is a little more healthy insofar as she is teaching healthy behavior for people to adopt more than anything else. Her TAG LINE, If you ever want to have victory in life you have to choose to do what's right when it still feels wrong.

In my own spiritual evolution, this teaching regarding going against one's machinery is key if not very well illuminated by Joyce except to say this will please God. Ha! Her light more effectively casts well upon REAL IDEAS, but there's only the reference and everything is powered by Christianity's morality and deference with respect to LOVE of GOD. What is that? Imagined relationship with a deity which creates force for doing GOOD against the sin nature one has according to the Bible?

Creflo Dollar has just signed on with his GF/SO preaching at the moment. Specificing again on what one's commitment is all about and how it connects us to the grace and power of GOD. Her voice is Angry, Irritated, Annoyed, talking shit about 'The Devil." So much of the Christian rhetoric sounds like cheerleading at a pep rally to me. I dominated as an athlete growing up in school. That's where I had my fun and learned to thrive, playing the game.

~Where you go Rumi

When the light arrived, like the dawn, today; I was consciously simplified and simplifying, kind of like laughter feels, but the process was of mind. And this moment of awakening revealed a stunning metaphoric view to what has been a vein of lifelong suffering for me.

When I go there, and I've been there for sorrow, I am honoring love lost. Only in today's light did I see that love doesn't honor that place. I was there with the irrational hope, obsessed with the ongoing last glows from love's departure, that love might have mercy on me and come back.

...to be continued

On Creating New Possibility II

In addition to creating circumstances at your pleasure, exists the darker side of that equation. One opens the door to circumstances of equal but opposite character which appear 'willy nilly.' These circumstances are the reality test to your being, the moment of payment, the limit of fear manifested in life. Suffering, disease, death are what men commonly refer to these circumstances as being viz. a viz. their being.

I add this note to shine a light on the dark side of creating new possibility in your life. Don't be surprised. Expect and be willing to have one to get the other and vice versa.

Seeking Spiritual Guidance

What is your life about? Comfort, security, status, power, making a difference, family, love, beauty, truth, healing, teaching, surfing, leisure, art, music, math, science, religion, survival, recovery, duty, honor, God, nature, magic, ideas, sex, drugs, rock-n-roll, justice, winning, yoga, fiction, literature, sports, fashion, business? Everyone has a list with a top and bottom don't they? Understanding that most don't give it a second thought, I have and feel somehow betrayed as my heart decided on something well nigh too extreme and hard. I'm having a problem even writing it right now, there's so much failure and my focus seems to unrealistic and unpragmatic. It was made at what remains perhaps a pinnacle of spiritual suffering in my life. The decision was a response to what I perceived as a completely inadequate preparation the Lutheran religion had given me when confronted with my father's death. I held on to my faith but rejected the church and decided conscious contact with the source of the pain and mystery which had swamped my life was the only thing that would give it any meaning. The sorrow continues unabated today on both accounts, over the death and the fallout of my father's death, and over the lack of realization in my consciousness regarding spiritual enlightenment and union with existence's source (which for now I continue to refer to as god or Christ). There appears to now be one modification regarding my spiritual objective which has to do with accepting lesser authorities than the ultimate source, as long as those lesser beings are in fact authorized and possessing of such spirit which may help me to progress, expand, rise, and otherwise increase my ability to KNOW more and more objectively the true spirit and source.