Excerpt from FB TNM, on POWER

A few words about POWER...

omg ... who let the fruits out! LOL.

I can relate to Burt's existential pain but it seriously didn't unfold in my life until the day my father died, in my arms, when I was around 11. And then, a year later, leaving the Lutheran faith, when I was confirmed a member of the church. Such crap, completely launched me into a pessimistic search tho for the rest of my life. But before all the drama, I have recollections of being completely content and happy as a child. But, life clearly was holding something back later, and to a significant degree ownership was a key in reclaiming power, and yet for the strength of the value being discussed here, people saying things like "The point of power is to reclaim the authority over your emotions, recognize every emotion as one you are choosing to engage and to truly FEEL each one as it is present."

I mean, with all due respect, that is patently false. The point of power? Power doesn't have a point. But, I'm certainly willing to accept the influx and skew which communications like these naturally find occurring to them. Still, that may be a way that Shondra words her relation to power, but I would respectfully disagree with it just because it conceals power's reality in the main. But she's got a point as far as her point engages power in this ownership narrative. And then, of course, this is what I value most about these threads. Getting the opportunity to remind myself that what I say and what others hear are similar only to the degree that I've managed to understand and listen to the person I'm speaking to. Without that feeling regarding another person and how they use language, most everything I say will end up being misinterpreted. This, of course, was a large part of the breakdown in Emily's relationship, insofar as, and for whatever reason, commitment as a fundamental element to relationships seems only now to be breached. And that is a good thing ... to be cherished, like a milestone ... and let me be standing strong when I say that such moments are literally new beginnings and not opportunity's to raise red flags and get emotional, stressed, and/or unhappy. Dive in, dive deep, explore, letting things be just the way they are ... letting yourself assess things much later after a circumference as been obtained with respect to the issue at hand. Take your time, enjoy the trip. Take notes so the next time you have tickler to keep your focus spot on.

Dad's transcendending Death

So ... the story goes about 2 weeks before dad died Arthur was visiting it was late. He and I were playing cards or risk or stratego and Dad was pacing the hallway when he stopped us and talked about having a purpose after he dies in the afterlife if there was one and was that he wanted to come back and communicate the existence of the afterlife if it was in anyway a possibility and he said he would promise to make it happen. Neither Arthur or I had any impending sense about his very fast approaching death so we neither gave too much much attention to it, but then about 2 weeks later while home alone with him while my mom tended the liquor store in San sidro, he asked me to help him to the bathroom and after a couple of minutes I heard a crash from the next room came running in to find him slumped over the toilet in severe jaw clenching pain. I got him on the floor and cradled his head in my lap and then began to run my lists associated with just such a unprepared for disaster. After improvised CPR, chest pounding, hysteric pleading, during a moment of calm, I felt the heat draining from him and came face to face with his movement into ash, next I called my mom, and after that I began a serious wail. In the following year however, this conversation he had with Arthur and I kept popping up for me, especially during times of loneliness when his absence was most felt, it has for most of my life been an insult to the tragedy that I felt. 

Over time, I've simply moved on and forgotten his promise and the huge disappointment in his not being able to keep it. It was only until a few days ago that the true character of that man, his demonstrating leadership and being a leader, showed up for me in that last totally unselfish stand which he took for the benefit of his sons, which he did with total conviction against all odds. It's just breathtaking for me to consider it today and such a warm glow of pride wells up in my heart. Until this epithany a few days ago I would never have dreamed I'd ever be able to confess to this massive transformation and appreciation I feel towards him today. So it is .. and you the first person I've shared this with! I can't take full credit for this amazing shift in my relationship with him though, there was been a recent startup of some work with Werner Erhard in the domain of, you guessed it, Leadership ... and I'm going to find no resistance at all to returning to that lesson plan after having this initial resolution to a lifelong feeing of loss and abandonment and disappointment. Just within my own personal sphere I can't recall a greater leader than my father who was so magnanimous that he was calling out what he saw possible even after his death ... and his conviction and vision for that possibility was total ... I could spend 10 lifetimes I think and still not exhaust the inspiration that one moment of his leadership gave and continues to give me.

Imperial Beach Twilight Session

The Right Worldview
 
Have you ever looked around in life and had a hard time finding anything right with the world? How many times in life have you had to stop yourself from whinning or complaining when it did no good. How many situations, people, things, places, events, injustices, crimes, opinions, fashions, tunes, sayings, creeds, prejudices, programs, decisions, changes of all kinds … in your life, just ain’t right? The question nobody seems to be asking is what to do about all this craziness in life. Why do we have such a hard life? Where this, that, and every other thing ain’t right? And then there are those people in your life who seem unfazed by the chaos, content, and unmoved? They’re not right. Some appear to rise above it, engaging passionately in some greater mission which at least generates something that is right in their lives. Thus, we really need to have our own self-correcting worldview of what’s right.

I can no longer ignore or avoid what’s not right in my world. The pile of instances of what’s not right has reached overwhelmingly into the sky and is blocking out the sun. When you cannot go through your day and find something right with it, you are in trouble. I know some people who are on fire with what is not right and they don’t even have a clue because they’re so busy fighting and resisting it. Myself, I am tired of watching people burn, myself included. 
 
The importance of being able to find what’s right with your world is primary. Because the alternative is illness, feeling ill, queasy, sickness. More important than anything else is having positive anticipation, hope, looking forward to your day with a smile and a happy thought. And all that is based on being able to find what’s right with your world. If you can’t do that, you might as well shoot yourself in the head. 
 
So let’s look at the question What *IS* right in your world? I tend to feel good about something if I get its integrity. This is to say, when something presents itself as what it holds itself out to be, then I have the space to be satisfied with it. Today, was a rather windy warm day here in Southern California. A fire erupted up around the Cajon Pass on Interstate 15 and because the fuel was so dry this fire spread with such ferocity and speed that it just ripped across the Interstate putting numerous cars and tractor trailers on fire. The view from the sky, where you could see all kinds of people hiking away from the fire and their vehicles, which now were ablaze. Well, the short of this scene, was there wasn’t anything right about it. 
 
Having your vehicle catch fire and putting you on the side of freeway on foot, that ain’t right. Those people, when they entered the onramp to the freeway had no inkling of what was about to rain fire down upon their heads. Wildfire is nature’s way of cleaning up the trash, the rubbish, the refuse. Accumulate to much of it and a fire will bring it to ash. So, what isn’t right in this scene. We can’t say it’s the fire, because nature is fine. We’ll get nowhere if we start winning and complaining about nature being herself, right? 
 
What we’re dealing with here is a need for systems thinking. The interstate is part of a system which interfaces with nature. This interface was not maintained and so when nature erupted with fire, the interstate became a victim to its destructive force. And, one of the principles in systems thinking is integrity. The integrity of a system is its independence or self-sustaining features, and that it function the way one would expect it to. It’s important to note that there are unanticipated benefits to integrity that could be inspiration for exclaiming that something is right. If using a certain medication treats a condition successfully without negative side effects, one could be motivated to say that drug was right. Another medication made to treat the same condition but having a side effect of having your hair fall out - well, that drug ain’t right, right? 
 
Things that are and do and present themselves the way in which they’re purported or expected to allows for an experience of satisfaction and this in turn expresses a level of being or vibration in us which propagates outward among others.

Ramblin' Rosie Mom


How often does your feeling resemble a tornado? In the positive sense of being swept up in a revolving twirling wind of information. Part of this dynamic flux has to do with realizing the only thing preventing us from anything in life is a negative belief. Letting someone declare it for you is another lame way as well. I should say rather that having any negative energy in opposition to your desire around is the quickest sabatoge I know of and the easiest way to not fulfill your desire.

Lately, I guess I've been feeling a lot better because I've seen a lot of shift in my attitude. I know I'm feeling good if I become absorbed in revelerie about a long ago left behind coming of age. Such indelible moments and memories, the happiest I've ever been, even though I was totally ignorant of who I really was.

Alright then, Gestalt Theory won the day again. Fritz Perls was its founder and it continues to be a key piece of knowlege shared between many different disiplines.

Until one begins to perceive silence as the most powerful communication of all, they will not have the ability to see enough to know they're in trouble. Knowing, or getting in touch with as some now say something truthfully doesn't change anything. And the usual ordinary way we exercise our will towards some specific ends is ass backwards and false anyhow.

There is a real solid gold nugget to be found in this process dig, which is when you can divide your attention between the material world and conscious energetic world. If you do that, I don't think there is anything else as powerful for producing a breakthrough into higher consciousness.

Answer to those known not to be "big fans" of poetry

A friend of mine wrote me recently as she and I are in the serial habit of writing each other as such ... I had recently shared an old poem of mine written in 1999 titled, Returning Word, which communicated elegantly something she has some rigid structures of resistance to, with her rational mind appearing disconnected from her heart leaving here uninformed per se. It continues to be a deep teaching moment for me as she persists in creating negations to my forays, turning them into platitudes. Such nonsense, really ... my most recent attempt to garner her understanding is of course culled by a new tact, as of course each new attempt must be I think, for me to continue to express and have any possibility for her. From using poetry I have reversed my focus back to logic and definitions and attention to meta language and communicating integral thought/thinking. 

So, my answer to her statement follows...

What prompts you too close down communication like this?  Impatience, vanity ... what? You realize that I am not my poetry, and you are not your "mission." Maybe you could suggest a metaphor for me other than language for the physical beingness we express? I'm thinking you might go with the vessel -> holy grail legend which you will always be famous in my memory for. The poem I shared with you was my expression to you, it was not an artifact per se but was as relevant the day I wrote it as it is today if not more so. Let me reiterate that - I didn't share or send you a "poem" but rather an expression I have channeled as poetry; but, which follows no formality or set of rules. If there is a basis that can be defined for choosing a creative writing paradigm like poetry to express myself at times, I suppose it is that the heart, at least my heart, I experience as a musical harmony in perfect time, and when relevant find my written discourse simply looks more like poetry than prose, voila. Whenever I speak both from the heart and without rational focus, my words found poetry far more simpatico than the rest of the possible types/classes/genres in the world. So it goes...

From another view, taking Rumi and Hafiz, as well as Whitman, Emerson, Shakespeare, Percy, ahhh, but the list could easily run on and on for me, why? Poetry is far more pleasing to read when one's consciousness is focused on the heart. As a reader, there is really nothing more exciting and rewarding than to discover a new poet, past or present; that, in the reading my heart sings and dances an understanding unto itself.

...

On further reflection I should add that my excitement over understanding a new poet emotionally is not in any sense like a liking for. In fact, a major portion of my favorite poets are really difficult reads (TO SAY THE LEAST  :-). Rather, the excitement is due simply to understanding developed with a concordant illumination within. If the truth were really to be told, I sometimes read prose poetically and vice versa. Such fluidity characterizing my style of listening and reading might be considered as weak in concentration. That conversation is far beyond the scope of this post. Suffice it to say howver, that despite this apparent dissonance in communication (as I understand myself actively through it) my intuition seems to have a precedent level role leading me to more and more properly align myself though formal dictates appear broken. The relevant issue here is of course truth and the discernment required in order to both perceive and appreciate truth. It is a judgement void of personal taste, drama, and concern for external references, standards, fads, styles, etc.

With a proper acknowledgement of my rather banal dualistic revelation on the matter, the conversation regarding the truth of all that which I just now classified as falsifying; again, is a conversation far beyond the scope of this post. Yet again, one strives to be complete, as much as possible, with the greatest most concise amount of brevity one is capable of, particularly when one's tact is rationally based.

Life with ESRF

End Stage Renal Failure. Complicated by Congestive Heart Failure and Restless Leg Syndrome. Spent most of last month in the hospital while my doctor's tweaked my medicine for days. I've been home now for about a week and doing better, but nothing near what I recall having when more healthy. One might say I've been through the wringer, but the truth is that its only just beginning. I do look forward to the day when I can really sink my teeth into some esoteric writing. I guess I'll just use this as a repository for my wish list of things to write on for now....

How the higher emotional center finds its patience: Focus on Long Thoughts

Putting Inifinity and Eternity into Perspective

The myopic view of Creationism 

America's Politics:  A Void of Leadership, A Lack of Perspective

Depression
The Art of the Interview: Safely Illiciting Trust, Freshness of Perspective