Love Flipped a Flop

Once again a woman draws me out and flirts enough to earn some trust and then becomes overwhelmed by my wildness and gets weirder and weirder before simply dropping out.

I feel like such an idiot. More like a sinking ship's captain discovering it was another female jumping ship after making a few choice holes beyond repair. And, while this time I feel I was spared to some degree, the girl represented something important regarding what my entire life has been about, a research for, ongoingly and spiritually. She had traveled there where I wanted to go, and I felt I knew her so well.

Helping her write her story was such a key step as well. And then, we got off on her 'gate to heaven,' a guy named Dwarka with whom she says Christ consciousness became present in a moment of orgasmic bliss. Fantastic eh? How beautiful is she I thought to myself and still do? But her issues with Dwarka really seem to implode on her somehow although she is not talking. I have traced the breakdown and today's final notice to his arrival in our conversation. It was hard NOT to miss. After that point her attitude was more and more resistant and argumentative, increasing intensity and its insanity almost daily.

And in the recent days it got so severe that anything I said became too much for her to bare. As a result of not being able to influence me intellectually or emotionally, she appears to have simply withdrawn from her commitments with me. At any rate, she's got that right, and I honored it with as much simplicity as she offered it. She never reached very far after all, in her efforts to touch my heart. This probably more than anything I regret not having been more successful with, especially with her. And now, with her withdrawl, staring me in the face here via email it feels like the longest minor earthquake, shaking my body from the soles of my feet up. Nothing moving but my nauseated sense of it all.

What do you say to a mature woman who simply flipped on you making you some kind of persona non gratus? It's such a shame not to have been able  to really trust her and not be simply abandoned like this. For awhile though it was tremendous fun.

This pretty much ends it for me. I expect she'll never contact me again. And have no idea what I would say if she did. Right now I have time to kill, the Suns at 7pm vs San Antonio, reading over the weekend. Letting go is easily one of the hardest things for us to do.

White Flag, by Dido, is playing and made a perfectly timed entrance for a new expression of synchronicity, at least in their support emotionally. This last incident of having a woman informally boot me or dump me to the curb over my entangling her with my words ... I mean how interesting is that? My sense was that the difficulty between her and I was always about what my words meant and perhaps her never honestly synching up to them and the meaning I was bringing forth.

There is and was no mistaking how my words were philosophical and contempative. My intellectualizations have never been accepted entirely by anybody. It had been ~15 years since my last romantic engagement with Paula, and I think I need to 'dig deeper' to create the credibility needed to write this complicated jaunt of mine. I was really leaning heavingly on this writing project of hers today, looking forward to coming home and cracking it open, but instead found her drop kick of my being to the curb, the other choice made and the feeling is quintessentially fucked.

When people make this move where they pick up their marbles and leave... Can anything be worse? Even with Paula, who was literally trying to kill me at certain times when she 'broke,' putting her on a bus back to Kansas signified and end to any more heroic efforts to fix her or us. I know that that a level of heroism crept into the way I related to her and it wouldn't surpise me if at some point she didn't herself coming to the same realization this and simply resisting it because that is the femininist appropriate response of independence and disinterest in men's will to provide and protect, UNLESS OF COURSE it follows her plan or idea of what she needs and wants.

We battled at that level for a awhile i guess, and this failure is met with some degree of relief. This blog on it is just my way of decompressing I guess and looking more deeply at the elements of mine, at least, which were culpable so I can continue to get through this mine field that has grown up between myself and the coast and a darling goddess I know.

Alrighty then, said the incredibly funny and off the charts funny man, and speaking between us he says, 'Will you ever get things right and make sacred spiritual love with a goddess like Renee?  I only refer to Renee because being my first lover, she was also by far a more beautiful and powerful Tantric lover than anyone I've ever met seemed to be perhaps.

And, the work on injaculating continues, though now I have no one close to me personally to ask anymore. This capacity of hers to turn me out the way she did, wow, I will have to say that it is precisely the worst quality and nothing but the ugliest kind of behavior given love's ultimate promise and our deepest need. Wow, I see the sadness now, just bridging the horizon of my interior here. Guess I'll step in and drink of this ... Namaste, rj

I couldn't help myself from thinking of her one last time tonight and her attraction to OSHO led me to scan some of his quotes, which I then found one matching her mention of its title and thought I brought the title with me. If I know where I could call myself to ask but regardless I wanted to share the small poem I found of Osho's while kickin it naturally...

Know what you are at present
 and then know its credibility or its lack of credibility.
It is what knows that
 that is, in you, most credible.
   - Barry Long, Tantric Master


~Love Flipped a Flop
I've been judged by her love, no longer smiling.
Could there be any thing worse in life than this?
Nothing I have ever done has thwarted the hissy.
Even rational transformation and all the benefits
do not make up the difference, at Point Heinous.
Can't really blame myself too much even now
Nothing comes close to the flipping she flopped,
and how it turned my entire world upsidedown.
Just like that, a 10.0 quake of heart and soul.
Shock trembles for hours. Calling all my 911s.

   - 5/6/2010, rjd

Boston Insight

I’m quite shocked by my sister’s invitation to help me move near her in Boston. She’s not kidding, and it concerns me a little, whether this invitation is really out of consideration for me or whether it serves some hidden personal need. I have always been and felt like her hero protector, defending her to her and the world whenever circumstances or will of opposition appeared to conspire against her. From all accounts, nothing has really changed in her life, or she’s not speaking up about it. This latest invitation does “up the ante” a little bit, yet how huge is a move like that? If it’s just a good idea on her end, I could wind up so far away from any comfort zone and with my various medical issues that’s more than just a small bit of concern. I’ve been living at my current residence with roommates John and Matt, now for almost 5 years. We have a strong and reliable unity which allows for complete independence as well. It’s easily one of the best living situations I’ve ever established in life, and abandoning this would seems foolish unless I was unable to maintain it for some reason. But Boston! Think of opportunity for new adventure, exploring the roots of America, culturally, historically, politically, etc.  In some ways, life here has stalled for me for quite some time, particularly professionally and romantically. Reviving myself in a new market like Boston would be like being reborn in a higher plane of existence.

I realize this is all imagination and the truth could simply be that I drag whatever conditions source what is manifesting in my life along with me to Boston, not doing them (Bostonians) any favors as well, right? If you’re following this line of reason there is a really subtle and powerful insight to be made regarding conscious transformation this illustrates well having to do with HOW to create the proper attitude in order to “usher in” transformation in terms of making a necessary change within instead of trying to do it from the outside in (which is how our linear minds conceive the process of purposeful change... Have, Do, Be vs Be, Do, Have). The logic of reason which blames circumstances for our satisfaction in life is overwhelmingly tempting because its precisely how we recall events and how they relate to one another. What is unseen, invisible, and revealed by quantum mechanics theoretically is that context both transcends and determines manifestation and how manifestation unfolds by virtue of being the “space” in which manifestation is expressed.

This wisdom is nothing new of course and goes all the way back to the Buddhist view of life as being essentially empty and meaningless in truth. Nothing exists except that we say that it does of course, and the reality of this is that speech as a fact is not the point but rather it’s expression of subjectivity, expressly human, and its calling influence in real terms of manifesting vibrational attraction and influence via the quantum realities which transcend time and space - makes it relevant for how it structures subjectivity in reality. So, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but more than that is the divinity of infinite diversity and embodied spirit in unique and original instances of existence and being. This is the ultimate expression of beauty of course, where the source and unity of spirit (the source of all that eternally exists) intersects and is expressed in the essence of human  individuality. The magic of humanity is how it sits at the zenith or pinnacle of this possibility, having the greatest and most powerfully expansive capacity and manifestation of this intersection. Humanity actually represents an evolution to this cosmological beauty by introducing conscious will, or the capacity for individuality to DIRECT, SOURCE, and otherwise make this intersection’s expression intrinsic to their being and
 an EVOLVING RELEVANCE also known as TEACHING, but factually a conscious transmission of evolution leap frogging material processes via spiritual dimensions which are non-physical and transcendent.

Excuse me for going off on a rant like that but whenever I happen upon an opportunity to view from such a high vista in moments when the sky is clear the ecstatic nature of that view never seems to fail in tempting me <vbs>.

There is teaching and then there is TEACHING which is spiritual evolution and only heard by those making a conscious effort to hear. The words have a transcendental ‘flow’ to them which to some degree always challenges and defeats the dualistic linearity of the rational mind, introducing a kind of internal and hidden message at precisely that place as well only the conscious effort to be present, allowing the soul direct contact in the moment, can understand and benefit from. This benefit is the TEACHING which has the single aim of promoting the individual’s conscious spiritual evolution and even more their value of their individual capacity to evolve themselves from within.

OK...so what is the relevance of all this to Boston you ask? Seeing Boston in terms of representing an opportunity to revive my life in certain dimensions is only valid insofar as I consciously contribute a new choice of purpose which is an open contribution when I get there. If going there to GET something is the active context in my experience, I will get what I already have, and my very presence will turn Boston into another Imperial Beach which I assure you has many positives, but certain absences which I have noted LOL. That’s called the baggage, which you hear referred to time and time again in pop psychology. Anyway, whew, that was an exciting little write just now, which I hope wasn’t too long and didn’t get too far out of hand. I know your heart well enough to know that you are one of the few that is listening and evolving or I wouldn’t have been so crass to waste your time with my mutterings. But, given who you are, I just know that being on that path and hearing the spirit teach through another is always a divinely rare moment in time, too few for me to be sure.

The move to Boston needs a little more convergence of support at this point for it to happen I think. That’s an important point I recall I wanted to make having to do with the exception to the case regarding baggage. Karma and the roll of that wheel takes place on a scale of time spanning lifetimes, such that when people talk about having lived multiple lifetimes in this incarnation what they’re talking about distinct from transformation is the roll of karma. It may simply be a transitional period of karma emerging and without doing any inner work my karmic evolution is rolling into a new period so that arriving in Boston may also be a natural and UNCONSCIOUS change in my natural being as a contribution. Anything is possible in this sense, paupers have become kings, throughout time immemorial – all having nothing to do with conscious evolution and transformation.

I should add that larger karmic issues do not judge virtue in their mechanisms of balance, that principle determining a denser play of reality. Just as many kings have lost their heads without any reason or cause on their part simply to satisfy this ongoing energetic correction in the universal unfolding manifestation of mind and matter, as well.

At any rate, my promise of HOW might have been a slight exaggeration regarding the insight. I probably should have said WHAT to be more accurate regarding the insight and its relevance to making conscious change in one’s life.

I’ll keep writing, and at some point with your permission will organize and read through the ‘chapters’ I have received by you. Then, if you still want I will send my notes on ways you might consider improving what you have of course, if they impress you of being positive changes, for sure.

... Ushered In

Your squatting ephemera gave a pause to my dullard day
to think, on your mash of natural expressions with animus
in linguistic ploy of host, whistling afterall, the forgotten.
But, there sitting for bliss' balliwick now, the joyous clarity
found to the delight by and in a made void ... ushered in.

5/1/2010, rjd

You wrote ... "I don't mean it as just an awake/aware state- but as "known or felt by one's inner self" and also... "It’s important to realize that consciousness is NOT a state. It sometimes gets confused for people and I’m not sure if its because they haven’t yet integrated the true definition of consciousness into their general world view. Is this because there are multiple levels of consciousness for man? For man, HIS LEVEL or where and how he contacts Consciousness as it is (defined in its essence as the source of Unity behind all Diversity). This CONTACT gives us the value consciousness has for our lives and being. Our value is for the Field we’re able to find touch and its expressing the Unity in the Diversity. Nothing more can be said about consciousness in words per se that makes anything clearer than this. Why? Consciousness is NOT finite nor does it have a beginning or end. States do, beyond our limited subjective STATE or LEVEL of CONTACT, they exist as an abstract idea we made up to bridge our spiritual limits of DARKNESS or SHADOW with the infinite nature of Consciousness’ essence.

So, at present it looks as if you’re suffering under two layers of error and falsity regarding principles concerning abstract qualities of existence. Consciousness is NOT a state, its essence being Infinite Unity and understood as the field in which awareness expresses the physical plane of existence within certain very small ranges of perceptual dimension and the outer reaches of frequency range our biology presents. The awareness itself is a minimal intersecting vortex across dimensions of connected wave patterns that taken together and filtered (no filter returns happen with or without and active engagement of the mind) these patterns are perceived in the foreground of our awareness in total. Our total awareness fluctuates but can be trained to cover the entire field we’re able to access consciously. It’s important to remember however that awareness is merely the quantum counterpart to particle state, the wave keeping an analog function in our brains which automatically serves up reality in a predictable reliable fashion which in sane individuals reflects their intangible and metaphysical cogitations which act together to provide an evolving organizational form that modulates space and time, attaches links ranks, and ultimately determines what can harmoniously be added/changed for evolving liberty.

If that didn’t succeed in making you think twice, the second layer is a massive puff of smoke that mirrors something like the beyond. However, the vagueness of terms used creates a quagmire here. To know is to LINK and all links fall inside the paradigm of mind, which is a gestalt of things, which function but in and of themselves have no self awareness. To link awareness to self is a huge unnecessary complication which tries to combine that which finite with that which in truth isn’t. I’ve already referred to that unique relationship in noting the common term for it being the Veil. ‘Felt’ on the same level with different modality of perception and energy frequency used.

I guess it’s important to answer why I’ve made such a fuss. The reason is that without shining a light on the wiggle room which our usual expressions more and more often seem to let creep in, one is in truth forced to make assumptions. If others become negative over the effort or lack of therein over not keeping up. Don’t reply, refute, defend, or argue the point. Any responses I receive can only benefit me if only educate me. There’s nothing I can do to teach anyone the PROPER and RELATIVE meanings that preserve truth as much as possible. One develops a burning desire and cannot help but sympathize and understand OR choose to accept a status quo which marks boundaries around unconsciousness. The unacknowledged disaster about that is dispelling or lifting oneself out from under shadow karma becomes impossible by default of one’s own boundaries now existing. To transform and liberate requires the abiding of liberty in a descending to within. Liberty does NOT overcome, LOL. Liberty is simply a very intrinsic possibility which happens when the door is open. One cannot talk about IT as Liberty as such because it exists as a meta –characteristic responsible for transformation. That term and idea is a perfect balance of the Destruction which Creates or the Cruelty which is Nice.

The joke I love about it my Brother first said in my memory during a MX tour down a few hundred miles to the dentral Mexican continent to a place called Mike’s Sky Ranch. We stopped to chat with a couple of riders we encountered at one point and one of them asked directions however my brother took the request as some kind of jab of humor and answered, “You can’t get there from here!”

Just in closing ... There is no application of consciousness. That field allows for Infinite diversity eternally. The question then what does focus and dichotomize our awareness into unique and personal subjectivity? The beauty you are so passionate about regarding the relationship between physics and the resonation and harmony with a vague but subjective understanding you have between thoughts and matter, suggesting a powerful verification at play AND HERE YOU LOSE ME which is ALSO spiritual I admit I do not understand. Most of all how or why you introduce spirituality in this discussion with NO reason or and offered that connect that paradigm seems PRETTY LAZY. Perhaps its simply due to my own mother being the queen of laziness which has provided me with a certain sharpness on how I go after WOMEN in my life. Haha ... Men are just too dump and ADD programmed. I’m not just messing with you though, your assertion regarding spirituality having any relevance or connection to what we’ve been talking about is a fundamental fact about how we deny ourselves the power of balanced processes of apperception. Think of vertigo for the mind. Ask yourself now how Spirituality is best verified from your zen mind,

The only answer I recommend is the mystical one. Any answer coming from a level lower than mystical will only restrict and limit your capacity to have fun freely with liberty.

On Huna, one at a time ...

1) The World is What You Think it is
What you think is The World is part of and our personal interpretive link to the world. All thoughts are recursive and able to transcend as well. Despite the essence of human language providing us an expression generating computation, the self-referencing algebraic branch where we represent infinity and zero, fitted and designed to go the distance are nothing but illusory tokens we use and forget we mean absolutely nothing when speaking such language as such. The world we can think about does not contain the world we can’t. That’s everything that exists which we don’t know anything about, plus the stuff we don’t know we don’t know anything about. A less rigorous approach here however confirms that YES the way we think of the world is the way we think of it, defining Ontology or the natural structure of truth stated. This principle however depends on the reader getting what is not being said as the Object relationshiph between World in first position is twisted into the second position which IT references UNSUCCESSFULLY back to the first. Here’s the proof...

I think the world is the full order of chaos expressed diversely in essence and its representations and expressions. The existence of echoes which are oscillating progressive fade outs of rare but powerful refractions of significance is neither orderly or chaotic as such but both. Like 0 and 00 at the roulette table, the world has a cosmic crack in it. For most however the statement applies without disturbance.

2) There Are No Limits
Once again this makes sense only from a nonpragmatic perspective. Profoundly involved in every thought we have and its power to ACT is the limit of its foundation.


3) Energy Flows Where Attention goes
This is more specious reason, more precisely pure redundancy providing yet another false insight revealing nothing, capable of confusing the unprepared or at least distracted. Attention is energy flow in a certain direction which we call at times where attention goes. If you think it meant ALL ENERGY, nope. Then what about SOME energy, well we’ve already made that redundantly clear haven’t we, still the question remains about what other possibilities may exist and for what kinds and types of energy. Not all energy is benevolent or well received, wanted or desired, eh?


4) NOW Is the Moment of Power
Not too much to find at fault with this only because the idea given as Moment of Power here has none of its own. NOW is NOW, ontological and reliably so, there it is now, there it is again, same now. What can a notion called Moment of Power add to our appreciation and value for NOW? Nothing. I am wholeheartedly against this kind of crap as unevolved positive thinking. I prefer the deeper and more complex sense of Power as a kind of personal toolbar linked to my accounting skill preferences. The moment of power in my world might best be expressed as a summary statement of the status of my balance sheet.

5) To Love Is To Be Happy With
Just depends on your definition of happy I guess. I’m sure there are some people who are literally unable to consider happiness as a function of relationship and vice versa. For some who fall in love expressions like this begin to shine however given the usual limit even love has for us, that ends, and thus we have yet another stalemate either present or on its way. Now, if you’re going to say these very same people don’t Love, you’re going to set yourself for a brutal contest, I think <Vbs>.

6) All Power Comes From Within
More positive thinking aggrandizement is further redundant and means nothing to characterize as POWER in any principled categorical way since the aggrandizement itself is called in more or less power.
Diverse redundancy expressed in a group like this reflects something deeper about where this author is coming from. I can think of one word summarizing it ... LOL ... Spun.

7) Effectiveness Is the Measure of Truth
Once again he expresses yet another twisted redundancy. Effectiveness is redundantly itself not THE but A measure of truth. To measure truth is to be effective. The manner of expression here implies principle which cannot be right. For THE MEASURE OF TRUTH does not exist and cannot possibly show up. To measure is to comprehend and grasp by some perspective or limiting view which is relevant and meaningful somehow, it is ONLY effective as far as the measurer’s grip is solid and the meaning has important value. Otherwise all such measures won’t possibly be effective ACTS by those performing them, right?

My Love Song

As night returns and she lays down to sleep
I am taken inside where her flame lights me.
Our meaning to one another is transcendent.
Beyond natural laws, ways, and means; love.
That any goddess would meet so immediate
through her etheric being, suffering the tragic,
her resilient strength bringing her next to me.
She is heartbreak in healing of true divinity.

And I give my heart, will, and mind for free,
in gratitude for the vision graced within her
bringing relaxation and joy beyond normal,
answers to questions asked as a child come,
in female form with a voice of honey, wild.
Her being is a symphony and one harmony.
And yet, only a child, newborn but angelic
holding the key to evolution, my love song.

I lift my hand up to the stars for your crown
where I stroke your mane I inhale your bliss
There is music everywhere, all praising this.
Spirit embodied in matter giving rise to life
evolving mind and then spirit as feminine.
So happy am I, to find spirit return like this.
After I left home as a child in search of one.
Conscious contact with Christ, I said come.

4/2010 rjduberg

Faced

The kind of your heart rides in the twilight
wants you to go away and hear soft music
where you both can slow dance together.
Maybe beat some drums for the shaman,
sing of our love diversely long and deep

You will go, you say to yourself, sitting down
If only you knew where the door out was.
Does that stop beauty, the sound of love?
Enough that your behind is now burning?
The thing is not to start another fire, you.

Stillness in meditation might cue others
to find a measure of balance or grace.
But for me movement is key, vigor free...
That doesn’t mean easy or sitting down,
life is ongoing no matter how it’s faced.

4/2010, rjduberg

Osho on Tantra

Tantra is one of the greatest treasures that is just lying there, unused.

The day humanity uses it, the earth will become aglow with a new love...
This very earth can be paradise...
It is impossible if you depend on nature.

It is very, very possible if you depend on Tantra.

-Osho

Hahahaha, I like it. Don't know what the frack it means, lol. What is your interpretation?

This is a keeper, a beautiful distinction of genius, and it goes towards the heart of what I am grappling with in my email to you REF: Dogma but doesn't actually pierce that sphere. Here all we see is that something entirely unnatural appears which I assume balances nature's law of entropy. Disiplined critical reason defeats entropy. Procreation defeats entropy. Invention, innovation, creativity - all defeat it.

The idea I presume has to do with raising one's IDEA + SENSE + EXPRESSION of love to a level bridging the infinite and unconditional. USE Tantra begs my earlier issues regarding the lack of any dogma or college of record. The internet simply will not do. It is organized to support profit control. What does Tantra have to support it, organize it?

Dance of Consecration

Running along somewhere in the cloud of unknowing is my spirit right now, what with its commitment to having fun it found itself remembering just how in certain moments in the past when divine power did intercede and create miracles that a consecration took place just prior. I guess my spirit has found a name for this new dance its preparing to perform in practice, and its called Consecration! It goes something like this...

All that you see and read here in this blog is for the divine in both you and me and in reality the Supermind, the Supreme Truth Consciousness. It please me to consecrate my writing here as such. Thank you!

Searching for Clarity

I am fast into studying spiritual doctrine for clarity, the kind that inspires the thought synchronous balance on the karmic situation I'm in. My primary focus today has to do with Tantra Yoga and the possibility of finding people who can help train my sensitivity which, through training and development, I hope to have account for a healthy balanced and embodied spiritual existence currently tied to this mortal physical human body and life.

This morning I've been listening to this country's mainstream Christian speakers. Just an amazing experience as I find the most hypocritical and contradictory expression of spirit being made. Christianity is being secured to the idea that by faith alone and nothing else, one receives a covenant from God, a promise, his divine grace, and an eternal life everlasting. Wow. That's the core and the rest of what you get is straight used car sales, and business appears to be good! Joyce Meyer is a little more healthy insofar as she is teaching healthy behavior for people to adopt more than anything else. Her TAG LINE, If you ever want to have victory in life you have to choose to do what's right when it still feels wrong.

In my own spiritual evolution, this teaching regarding going against one's machinery is key if not very well illuminated by Joyce except to say this will please God. Ha! Her light more effectively casts well upon REAL IDEAS, but there's only the reference and everything is powered by Christianity's morality and deference with respect to LOVE of GOD. What is that? Imagined relationship with a deity which creates force for doing GOOD against the sin nature one has according to the Bible?

Creflo Dollar has just signed on with his GF/SO preaching at the moment. Specificing again on what one's commitment is all about and how it connects us to the grace and power of GOD. Her voice is Angry, Irritated, Annoyed, talking shit about 'The Devil." So much of the Christian rhetoric sounds like cheerleading at a pep rally to me. I dominated as an athlete growing up in school. That's where I had my fun and learned to thrive, playing the game.

The Paradox of Man's Evolution

I remember Ken Keyes Jr. speaking about this issue when I workshopped the pathways for more than a month with him ‘back in the day.’ He was very emphatic about the pathways being an intellectual reformation. There effect when repeated consciously over time in association with ‘machine like’ behavior is to succeed in ‘aiming’  or ‘pointing’ one’s field of possibility in the direction where liberation may ultimately become real on the horizon. However, the pathways do NOT extinguish or stop or liberate one from being mechanical but are rather antidotes of the mind in the classic buddhist sense, I think.

The statement below is an example or proof of this as being nothing more than a mechanical production caused by incorporating the pathways as part of your associative memory. Before we get snagged on the semantics of liberation, let us understand liberation to be the cessation of ignorance. Ignorance is the gravity or the specific condition present which results in addiction. Addiction is a complex of mechanicalness such that a disease emerges from the knotted dysfunctionality and the corruption it presents to one’s energetic system. One can recover from addiction. There is no recovery or ‘program’ allowing a human being consciousness which is free from mechanical behavior, emotion, and thought.

I could continue this thought on liberation regarding the PROCESS in which it is attained, but I think I have already shown the defect in your idea of liberation, especially as you have it related to the idea of addiction. But, just for your consideration, may I say that Liberation or the freedom from Karma and Reincarnation cannot be programmed. There is no ‘genius’ level of thought or wisdom that one can program the mind with resulting in liberation. If this were true, then the Buddha’s teachings would be producing Liberated immortals 100% of the time, or at least that is what I infer would happen based on what Buddha said about his Dharma. Over and over, he says that the doctrine of his teaching was perfect and complete. However, at the very end what the aspirant practices takes place beyond doctrine and the mind. It is nevertheless a ‘space’ one must make the effort to produce, and yet nothing can be said regarding the exact essence and nature of that effort. So is the Buddha a fibber?

There is another angle to this situation representing the final penetration through veil of illusion and mechanical or non-liberated states of consciousness. This insight comes from The Fourth Way, more specifically Ouspensky rather than Gurdjieff, at least for me. The principle states the situation rather plainly regarding how higher consciousness is possible for man, and how it is produced. But throughout all my fourth way study it was a consistent idea that after a certain level of evolution by man, the ‘system’ is no longer of any value and cannot take the student any futher. This is often referred to as the beginning of the path. It is centered on how only through a man’s CONSCIOUS EFFORT is he able to generate higher consciousness, which presupposes that he already has higher consciousness which he doesn’t. This little paradox is so elegant in its representation of the reality it’s poetic.

There’s so much I am not saying which is crucial and given within the fourth way for example helping the student to pass the elephant through eye of the needle, but is far outside the scope of my response. Suffice it to say then, Liberation remains only an idea and in reality it is only by NOT following a pathway, ANY pathway, that one has the possibility of making their first step on the PATH of LIBERATION.

~Slowly Loquacious

The vortex of illusion
a home filled with rubbish
uninspired, lost in debt.
tales retold by a dumbass.

Looking over this refuse
I am a path living in vibe
giving manner that's gold
in lightless light's beam.

Now free to breathe me...
world hails a slight breeze
of outward illuminating
to rain of peace and love.

Nothing to gain, yet brings
moments connecting one
to ink scrawled in alpha
made slowly loquacious.

2/21/2010, rjduberg

~About Having Fun Before...

On the page there displayed is written the inked sage
his wisdom for us to recreate, shining the lovely spirit
for you to remember and consider in the long of night
I saw a glimpse of the day, before I lost my way, this life,
when my words came so hollow and empty, a nothing.

And I've been searching for decades for what happened
and seeing that power reappear like a friend and say hi...
I'm too busy stalking and hunting now to consider why!
My grip was so short lived, but now holds the memory.

Laughing, the surfer said his purpose was to have fun.
I remember that so well, but I was so lost, awake in hell.
Having forgotten the vibe, how high and tightly forward
never thinking on that nature and how badly blown.

The emptiness is perfect, endless, expanse of eternity.
One places real intent, thought, in there, to manifest.
But who cares about playing with moving stuff there?
When there's more fun in the divine play of sexy surf.

Just the way she loves and is so aware, comprehending
like the world I play in and the natural rhythm I share
what can be found at the bottom underneath everything
is a void of passing, a place of flowing, laughing wind.

2/21/2010, rjduberg

The Gold Aesthetic

I really haven't been so immeresed in issues regarding aesthetic communication for awhile now. It correlates directly with the heat one's evolution is generating in the moment. The quicker the transformational pace or harder, always reflects the temperature.

And the hotter, the clearer aesthetic communications derive miraculously.

Right now anything I do is in the question of whether its being a possible necessitates manifesting accordingly. To express directness in a complete way is validated by this correlation in the proportions.

The evolution of beauty reaches but stays aesthetic in these moments of higher conscious integral functionality, disappearing along with the extant flow of relevant energy. Well until some guy named Sai comes along and without doing anything in particular sucks the wood of the true cross out of the piece of wood he's holding.

I can't think of a clearer way to distinguish a difference of degree in terms of consciousness being focused, one over the other, defining part of the scale quantifying enlightenment.

Letter to the Good Hearted

My concern here is that first you do not appreciate the story you are presenting as truth and your belief in it. When one sees and opens themselves to having a still mind, practicing and developing a clarity regarding it being THE SOURCE of suffering for mankind, this response by you seems disingenous and defensive, an attempt by the ego the reassert its position of dominance/control which in truth is an illusion kept in place by mechanically by our mind and its ignorance.

From this perspective, ALL forms of judgement and dualistic assessment good/bad and the like are useless and extend the ignorance Osho's view dissolves in principle. The issue is whether or not thought controls your sense, and by default, any story regarding the process which is what you are presenting here, is nothing but a form of control. Negative and Positive are merely how the ego escapes responsibility for itself and how it simply has NO ABILITY TO REPRESENT TRUE REALITY.

Then one must ask themselves, is there any value in continuing to pay attention to the veil given the core values of the illusion being all about transcending our suffering and expressing values that represent our harmony there? That's my question to you. I would like you to answer this in all fairness and not cycle another iteration and assertion of your story since it fails to acknowledge anything I've been writing about given my quote from Osho so far.

And giving some slack here in order to accomodate what may simply be your preferred style, understand that I have NOT referred to in anyway how or what is involved in making one's sensation and perception free from the effects of thought as well. Simply given, that state is an accomplishment only the self knows, only the pure wordless expanse of presence remembers. Anything my ego says about it you can be sure is false and a lie. Why? Because the ego can't go there, period.

Everything above appears to be egotistical if simply for the fact that it reports to know what cannot in fact be known only directly sensed in our contact and conscious awareness right now. So, as wonderful and logical and comprehensible as your story goes ... believed and valued it only further pushes a person's true capacity to experience real unconditional love farther away.

My guess is that if not you, someone else reading this is begin confronted by the simple reality that what I'm presenting does not COMPUTE for their ego in the sense that it provides any ground on which their dualistic minds can stand and thus exert itself by thought between reality and the truth which is our self. This is a situation defined by ignorance referred to in Buddhism as the grasping nature of the mind. When we take this as our path in life, paying attention only to what we can and what we cannot grasp, comprehend, understand, etc., we travel misery in karma.

Speaking the truth doesn't change reality however, only one's consciousness can create that possibility. One of these days, I might accidentally come across a procedure or invent the technology to raise that possibility in relation to those who listen to me. I've been horribly deficient and ineffective so far but that has never stopped me from spouting off and addressing this whenever I find someone who is foolish enough to think they know a way to articulate paradise or happiness.

I will eventually point out the flaws of language and its relationship to reality analogous to a menu to food. At some point in one's practice words serve an entirely ancillary role like railroad ties to a train's final destination. You wouldn't place all the ties at the end of the railway would you? The roll of the process is critical for being free and clear of 'ties' other than just those necessary to keep one's movement in the present and optimal.

Namaste,rj

~In the Absence that Is Uncertain

In this mystical haze of groundlessness
forgetting oneself serves evil in a relish.
For that realm, physically transcendent
falling asleep at the wheel will still kill
when life is creative instead of existent
any snooze makes presence a descent.

The disiplined transformation of energy.
Divine grace and spiritual development.
Integral philosophy and synchronicities.
Timeless truth or wisdom of the master...
Picks that lay paths never approaching
followed by flocks following the error.

Only when the light of presence dims
do words take on powers over reality.
A thought connects us with memories
that are just as empty yet void of this.
Only words that question can ascend
to question truth for our commitment.

Krishnamurti knew and lived this well
Philosophical treatises rail dichotomy
A good heart grants us our wellspring
connects us to this existence and time
nothing more by itself, shall manifest.
Certainly no heaven, except imagined.

Yes, I have a fist full of earth to throw
at the incredible lack of higher vibe
necessary to believe any fiction real.
Ask yourself about the essence above
and surely no answer, is real silence -
not a pause of between - but eternal.

~Gaia has a Voice

I heard her whisper to me underground
down there where she grinds out a fertile
life, that exists at her teat, endlessly weak
She coaxes the spirit to find what's higher.

Gaia has a voice.

And its sound is pure honey, full and firey.
to that she adds Lunar howling in a circle
as Sol hides just over the horizon's stare.

About to sky dance rhythm in light and air
solar enlightens and flashes divine love, for
life's fragile existence, comes a voice above.

2/2010, rjduberg

~Liquid Rose of Being

Why do roses suffer the liquid of our being
so much we've grown yet so little sown
pining nature's story of pain.

And the beauty of the thorn seen in water
is made by the sight of its crown in blood.
The color is a match of hook and tackle.

My liquid rose to the lips where free.
What I don't drink falls to waste no place
One taste illuminates my shadow with grace.

rjduberg/1/2010

~In Light of Death

Shiva reminds us that nothing remains
except peace, love, and divinity, mysteries
outside the dominion of that destruction
where everything cycles in the end to begin.

Only man has this hint of possibility in him
A gift of being, in light of death, with divinity
balancing the ground of mystery to ascend
making liberty for consciousness, not death.

1/2010 revised

~The Grand Canyon

What manner of fixity in pure liquidity
manages to descend into the ground?
From above, below is a vast specific
engineered from an endless source
and from all ways into living, one.

Shakes rattle the ground into slides
but life gives rise somehow, smiles
deliver what will never be known
seen on the horizon as the 10,000
and on wings they soar to the beat.

Her rise to Goddess decries a man
happened within the reversal then.
Intrinsic to beholding her beauty
defies any attempt to explain plain
the view while ascending creation.

1/2010, rjduberg

~The Jig of History

Oh Goddess have patience
see film, inglorious bastards
brad pitt slays nazis
witten killers

The Jig heads the highway
angelic on the beach
makes no mistake
is higher

Enjoy self in moderation
work the shadow
heal the path
forward

Don't forget posterity
USE a wicked wall
for the beyond
afterward

The Jig keeps the game afoot
from fades that recede
in ascending octaves
over time.

I know that I am worthless
call it the will to resist
affinity in conflict
or some such

Practical Magic?

1/2010 rjduberg