Drink Merrily

Here in the not here is calling I say.
Fit but untried and unseen I am.
Christ cried forsakenly,
yet truth was and is given.
Never surrender freedom,
the ward against unbeing,
and all things boogiefying.

Here, sing with me,
drink merrily my tears,
and touch light with light.

(c) 2006 RJDuberg

While Virus Attacks I Make Funny Noises

The truth never arrived through the front door.
It has always been waiting for us round the back.
Where some notice, in a blinding flash by swivel.
Chaos and power conjoin influences in this sway
across eternity's distances defining a balance.

Separating truth from that trauma inside out
is our choice and choosing keeping well in place
but not the corrupt sir, or the sucking of care
for we all care, driven by beating love for life.
No arguing with results, reading this proves it.

Loving life is our given for which debt is soul.
Nothing raises what purely evolves as human
but source of truth revealed in press of inquiry.
The answer we finally note, as blindness ensuing
is elegantly summed, positively put, by negation.

The other direction comes upon this one to meet.
A meeting extinguishing the Void with paradox
where that which is distinct dances to perfect
possibilities evolving existence of humanities.
By his sacrafice of leaden awareness man lends
only support he's able with import inquiry offers.

Being stuck in chaos after that flash of blindness
may be primary cause of all our early expirations.
That here always is this, all and everything to us.
And, death is a fact of our living reversed in end.
Rational faith extends truth this coherent paradox.

(c) copyright, April 2006, RJDuberg

-Not very poetic, expresses honesty of criticism, whatever. My success is that in the beginning when I attempted to write a poem and turned out something like this which was not an entirely different but yet influenced by, I was there and still was moved with understanding my own language somehow a cryptograph of reality if not deeper meanings.

It's so very beautiful here today, and in the midst of it all my system is crashing with a very nasty and insistent virus keeping the flow from its normal freedom and unfettered spaces.

I would have liked more for this poem, I know there's at least another half unwritten which belongs here somehow, and I will simply close to say that truth you'll find in the cracks of what veneer is left over after the burn subsides from flash of blindness .

Another Imperial Beach Swell

High Def Doggie

Journal

Last night I heard a story of infidelity from someone who then talked to their spouse on their cell phone, forgot to end the call, and proceeded to continue speaking on their transgression while the spouse listened in.

Nothing ever turns out the way you want it to or think that it should.

Writing, especially poetry is becoming harder and harder to do. It's very difficult to even begin and I haven't written a poem in ages.

I'm watching Adaptation and appreciating its breadth and range of applied technique expressed brilliantly. What is brilliant then? There are standards, methods, and that sort of rigamarole, but what is brilliant to me is precision expressed through the storyline. Middle of the road, is always adviseable, but brillant as long as the road is not cliche.

Recapitulation for me in which I have relived my history eventwise has revealed some odd sensorial memories regarding smell which I never remember otherwise even when I access associatively on purpose. Why is that? Smells escape our intellectual associative memory framework somehow, yet when recapitulating, a memory of a particular smells comes write in and is unmistakeable. This is of course the hallmark of recapitulating, the power of attention given to one's memory which somehow transports one's conscious awareness into the past in a way so as to have more than the memory but to relive the moment.

There is a separation between the experience and the awareness, and one's conscious awareness becomes self aware in the process of remembering a moment not present. This defies logic and is yet another mystery, not observable in others.

But what it all comes down to in the final analysis is all about action. So then, what action do I need to take now to support what I action I need to take today. What actions are successful and effective? Mostly, people have already committed to their agenda, but the trick becomes magic when they or you or I can assume some new action in that agenda without limitation or having the action item destroy our agenda's foundation or MO, if you will.

The subject of attraction and what we do to gain another's interest and attention, etc., is somehow kept fresher and more potent by a sustained mysteriousness which obsessing or analysis degrades, leading to a fullscale disintegration. Yet, once having accomplished this disintegration, one lives with the scar and may forever live hearing the echoes and speculative nuance when confronted with new possibilities of attraction and romantic discovery.

Today the Mood Changer

Another Infinity

Pigeon Posse in Imperial Beach

What do you do when you can't find the words to express what you're feeling? In the past, I've always relied on confidants or therapists to help me talk myself through to some resolution or better day. At least that was their purpose in my life. It remains unresolved for me whether this is effective or whether talking with people whose only real purpose is to "pretend"or "present" a particular listening for you or I, whether that doesn't just create another entirely different set of issues. I spent years taking advantage of the so called "help" and then a few years back I suddenly started avoiding them and closing their access.

Close or intimate relationship with another person though brings with it this form of communication however on a more genuine level and having been denied that recently (rejected may be the more appropriate term) has really impacted my balance and center, turning me even more introspective and a degree or more less confident and insecure. The genuine form of the intimate connection I'm talking about does express real value which forms something truly real and living in our hearts and souls as human beings.

Any upset or damage to bonds or relationships like that, I think have the potential of complete ruin and the disintegration of our "sense of self" or ego. The only real strategy for coping with this possibility is to diversify oneself as well as one can without stretching one's emotional being too thin and thus creating a whole other set of problems and breakdowns. And, surely for me, at this point in my life, forcing myself to focus on group support and group networking, socially speaking seems to be the best antidote and aid for keeping a more positive attitude and anticipation for the future.

Certainly, the axiom that nothing is as important in life than having positive anticipation for the future, remains intrinsically valid. Especially in a situation like this, when a person could go round and round trying to analyze the breakdown which is complete and past now. A very hard process to go through. I offer my sympathy and support for anyone who understands what I've shared out of having their own first hand experiences.

Yesterday from North Pier Imperial Beach, Hoorah!

Attempt to Articulate

In the deepest musical resonations
that matter to one, to me, to you
what exists there has always been
a dream, like you, then and now
a song that hurts with a longing.

For awhile, you seemed to speak
what I have felt as lost in sorrow
brought back with joy and love
in your magnificence I listened
only to realize tragedy progress.

Attempt to articulate this horror
finds no landing except blame
for there is nothing that expresses
that direct and in line with mine.
A confused attempt to articulate.

Feb 19, 2006, RJDuberg

My Beach Looking Like a Reef

Surfer in IB Sunset

Analysis of Q(x)=Eu

Calculate a result in terms of the achievement of X amount of Energy in units(u) which completes and satisfies the highest relevant purposeful goal. Hold cultural variance constant, IE spirituality, factors of ecology and evolution.

Analyze effort to result, and remember that every moment of our lives are determined higher levels consciousness developed for effective and efficient repetitions of this analysis in REAL TIME as is appropriate to the harmony and happiness of our life and experience.

Without an exact and complete vision of the possibilities and potentials combined with a will to act, what happens in our lives is determined by accident and our overall mechanicalized boundaries.

With success as developing beings we witness the true payment humanity was created for fulfilling. Next to all the variable dimensions and factors in this process is mankind's isolation from higher ruling faculties, and his enslavement by ignorance and stupidity.

When measures result in a certain state in man, an unfolding and rebirthing of that man takes place from which a germination of free will is incubated and given essence and being requiring a paradoxical reversal of polarity along functional dimensions, such as attention.

Regardless of the depth and complexity of this topic, a truly essential scope is termed simply Know How Much Your Willing to Pay for "THIS" and whether or not you would stake your life on producing a precise transaction in the universe. All that given and considered, those who thrive within this challenge are my heroes ad infinitum infinity or eternity forever.

(c) Rjd, 1/2006

Not Hope, Nor Hip Cynicism, but Better Day Today.

Recent yesterdays defy darkest imagination as they were and have begun to fade in their recidivism.

Sun Rays Forever

Meeting the Strays

My little flying doggy on the beach this AM after I pulled out the following two strophes reaching on cryptic legs that seem unlike doggy's but rather mired in quicksand, a destiny like that of a dump.

Well anonymous schmonymous
I'll not have strange minds
asking my dimwit a dime
when we've not the time.

Though talent unfurled in you
reminds me to curl the torrent
before I ride that broncness
and what snakeyes mean.

Beach Found in IB