Now This...

My little space here to write and blog, quite the escape for my mind and it's unending editorials on my life. The analytical quality is what everyone who notices the seepage of this expression thinks about what I say. And thereafter, I am over-analytical, too-analytical, etc.

I certainly have a strong impulse to order and sort my language and relevant ideas, and the flow just happens to have taken me to well, here. I'm seeing a widening though and I feel that I can sublimate much of the overt expressions more and more. I think I'm beginning to succeed in sorting it all out where my thoughts have progressed to a space of health and possibility of the kind quite hard to "escape" from willingly, for any reason.

This brings me to my taste for modern celtic pop music and how it often carries a harmony of sorrow, the last vestiage of pain associated with loss and my memories. It is harmonic and that penetrates the pain with a shattering wellspring of renewed energy potential to which our life can begin again with dawn's early light.

Einstein's ideas on God

Einstein's REAL view on G-D:

1)  I want to know how God created this world. I am not interested in this or that phenomenon, in the spectrum of this or that element. I want to know His thoughts; the rest are details.

2)  Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.

3)  My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

4}  The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge.

5)  Every one who is seriously involved in the pursuit of science becomes convinced that a spirit is manifest in the laws of the Universe-a spirit vastly superior to that of man, and one in the face of which we with our modest powers must feel humble.

## The scientists' religious feeling takes the form of a rapturous amazement at the harmony of natural law, which reveals an intelligence of such superiority that, compared with it, all the systematic thinking and acting of human beings is an utterly insignificant reflection.

6)  There is no logical way to the discovery of elemental laws. There is only the way of intuition, which is helped by a feeling for the order lying behind the appearance.

7)  The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.

8)  The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious; It is the source of all true art and science.

9)  We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.

10)   Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods.

11)   When the solution is simple, God is answering.

12)   God does not play dice with the universe.

13)   God is subtle but he is not malicious.

14)  A human being is a part of the whole, called by us Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest-a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty.

15)  Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet.

16)  The man who regards his own life and that of his fellow creatures as meaningless is not merely unfortunate but almost disqualified for life.

17)  Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.

18)  Only a life lived for others is a life worth while.

19)  The human mind is not capable of grasping the Universe. We are like a little child entering a huge library. The walls are covered to the ceilings with books in many different tongues. The child knows that someone must have written these books. It does not know who or how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. But the child notes a definite plan in the arrangement of the books---a mysterious order which it does not comprehend, but only dimly suspects.

20)  The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity.

21)  What I see in Nature is a magnificent structure that we can comprehend only very imperfectly, and that must fill a thinking person with a feeling of humility. This is a genuinely religious feeling that has nothing to do with mysticism.

22)  The finest emotion of which we are capable is the mystic emotion. Herein lies the germ of all art and all true science. Anyone to whom this feeling is alien, who is no longer capable of wonderment and lives in a state of fear is a dead man. To know that what is impenetrable for us really exists and manifests itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, whose gross forms alone are intelligible to our poor faculties - this knowledge, this feeling ... that is the core of the true religious sentiment. In this sense, and in this sense alone, I rank myself among profoundly religious men.

23)  The real problem is in the hearts and minds of men. It is easier to denature plutonium than to denature the evil spirit of man.

24)  True religion is real living; living with all one's soul, with all one's goodness and righteousness.

25)  Intelligence makes clear to us the interrelationship of means and ends. But mere thinking cannot give us a sense of the ultimate and fundamental ends. To make clear these fundamental ends and valuations and to set them fast in the emotional life of the individual, seems to me precisely the most important function which religion has to form in the social life of man.

The Existence of God

Einstein said, "My position concerning God is that of an agnostic. I am conv inced that a vivid consciousness of the primary importance of moral principles for the betterment and ennoblement of life does not need the idea of a law-giver, especially a law-giver who works on the basis of reward and punishment."

"The fairest thing we can experience is the mysterious."

My comment is ...  I hear Einstein's arguement against the existence of god as a direct result of his idea that man's higher possibilities in general are directly related to his having higher levels of consciousness, and that these are independent of any idea or belief in God. The arguement then is that if what is possible is available independently of the idea of god then that necessarily invalidates the existence of God, because in a world where nothing changes of value when the idea of the very source of value is removed, then that source must not exist. For, it's very definition doesn't allow it to when it becomes unnecessary.

IE Would God ever be observed just chillin or hanging out, IE Existing? No, therefore, God does Not exist.

Along the High Road

Traveling along a higher path isn't something I've considered part of my fate. That choice appears to me to require a kind of intuitive revelation which sacrafices diffuse being, for lack of better terms.

I can hardly think of a single moment when my haze of being hasn't been fairly dominant in the circumstances surrounding my travel process. After a little review of the situation however, I found that I do have some organizing aims which have become dormant and inactive. My conscience screams against this as a correctable violation of my heart.

I must include the rather humbling discovery that regardless of what remains a resource for a higher fate, my mechanicalness resists and opposes my interest in reactivating enthusiasm for my most valued aim in life. Instead of being depressed and clueless however, when the pain of my wretched state becomes overbearing I know in a minimally solid way how to succeed in overcoming that grey area. The essence of depression and its relation here for me has a lot to do with having no option or choice alternative to what otherwise has developed over time in my life as methods for escape.

Now, instead of escaping the confusing haze, I have a small map which I'm certain will take me far beyond and higher than I have ever gone.

And, it all seems very centered in consciously cultivating relationship networks, to both support my evolution and skill in interpersonal relations as well as expand my contacts which will then result in ever increasing happiness from an empowered state of fate.

It's What You Want

Hey...spent the weekend in a chill, as if anything is new around here to write about, right? Well, I did crack open a book called, The Radical Acceptance to Everything. It was a good echo or perspective on suffering and its offer on how to respond, to heal ourselves and others. I'm definitely going back for more.

I also spent a few minutes listening to some podcasts by a local Tantric Goddess (don't know all the particular distinctions in that disipline and study, so forgive me if she's called something else) named Devi, which brought me to a higher state above the bored and fearfully defeated state of apathy which I have been looking directly down the barrel at, more and more. That event horizon's darkness was as close in recent days as I've ever known it to be, and the little reading I did was spot on with respect to options and changing the direction of my being.

Small steps are still steps, they matter just as much as big steps. That's why it's important never to judge one's amount of progress in the negative, except in very very special cases having to do with turns and turnabouts, etc.

I heard from an old flame as well! I still love Stephie deeply, mostly for her grace and intelligence, but almost certainly as much for her feminine charm and poise. Her love helped me to withstand the loss of confidence in my aging mother. Maybe next week I will feel better and up to the task of yelling at her (mom) over the phone just so she can hear me. Sounds funny doesn't it, but if I don't yell she can't understand what I'm saying. She no longer writes or emails, communication, has all but ceased to take place between us.

To remember monuments in one's past which no longer exist in life has been a new mode for me lately, and I still haven't understood what I'm supposed to see or feel in regards to these kinds of memories. Mostly what I get is simply how different those earlier days were, and how opportune they were compared to what is taking place today. There is a balance to this however. The attitude which was missing then, I have begun to consciously develop today, even while the possibilities which they so deserve remain chained to my memory.

That's enough irony from this greybeard tonight. Peace and Love.

The non-expression of negativity

Anger wastes energy, our being, composes itself with ambient biological energies, though; capable of spiritualizing a soul through transforming energy, any wasted energies that our defects in character routinely and mechanically leak, should be understood unnecessary and opposed to one's real possibilities in this lifetime.

The true path of conscious evolution for man is through his learning to use his functions in a way to maximize what resources he has which may be applied and traded or consumed towards the goal of an evolution of self in higher consciousness.

I expect the reader to question just how much can be expected in the aftermath of any work aimed at precisely this goal, that of sorting out and healing the functions of our being, so that integrity is restored and energy isn't wasted. It's not easy to stop the wrong work of our being, to recover from negative expression in the expression of negativity but is easily one of the biggest steps towards the conservation of needless loss in our being, of energy needed to lay the foundation and bedrock to what's possible.

The only way to create higher being is through applying the energy for that higher being, available in raw form and limited quanitities, to our conscious self awareness, transforming it. The higher form of energy created using what little intent and attention we have to self-remember and contain what losses we are experiencing, allows for higher levels of consciousness which by definition must be based on non-mechanical being. For most of us this is a huge contradiction in terms as we 've grown up identifying our self and who we are with mechanical levels of the gross materiality as our soul passes through life since higher conscious levels are simply to hard to identify for the common individual.

However, without fail, most newborns forget who they are and any previous spiritual work and power they might have developed, and see themselves only in projections they make out in the world surrounding them with the help and guidance of their parents.

Through this process, such base levels of our energetic being bind and conentrate to form much higher potencies to start with, and also misunderstood and misused.  the given amounts of personal energy available for us and within us as we begin this work is quite small and incapable of being properly contained and consereved, especially in the beginning. My aim has nothing to do with sleep, or the drama of life which diverts the higher being from the brush fires that exist and about which not many care about or wish to provide any kind of solution for.

Transformation of our central energy of being takes time. Whereas, its loss can take place in a matter of moments with the right circumstances availalbe. At that time, sleep really does race to meet us, and our most important perspective in life, the condition of our work for pay can suffer wildly.

Over time, if one works well, the amount of effort required to maintain certain kinds of focus and attention consciously becomes noticeably smaller. The quanitity of energy we are focusing with our attention actually isn't becoming smaller but rather our personal power is rising.

Ultimately, our higher consciousness is a gift we receive from even greater heights of conscious being, while the energy transformations eventually go through a periodic cycling of storage before becoming needed or useful to our being's evolution. There are crossroads, grades, special needs and conditions requiring varying accumulations in order to leverage our progress as needed. These moments come in a harmonic accord with higher beings dedicated to our evolution and our based on what resources we have to meet such challenges as our pools of transformational resources are capable of. Successful challenges test the gain with loads quite outside but specific to internal structures of support. And, without the accumulated resources of transformation, our beings would lack what possibility they had at that moment for whatever powers of higher consciousness might be acquired.

So, we aim never to express negativity, and to succeed at this of course one first needs to understand negativity itself and just when and where how we express it as mechanical levels of being are fated to do. A careful examination will reveal an incredibly wasteful mechanical being for most people, which is entirely unknown, misunderstood and unconscious to them.

Yet Another Version Cue, Sticking in my Craw

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he had imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."

Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

Plugging Along

The only plug I have right now is my collection of chinese fine art. Other things I'm focusing on besides my little job at the golf course, don't really qualify as plugs or serious, even though I think I spend most of my time with them.

That will change soon if I want to see more progress in this lifetime. A new plug I have to add to the list is a program of recovery which might also be expressed as a support group or network, maybe including a personal coach or organization??

The obstacle to focus, in our life

The natural field of play that can be considered life, the contextual understanding includes everything encountered in process. What complicates and corrupts the inclusion requires a rigorous analysis in order for one's understanding to not suffer the same corruption possible.

The idea I have is to make distinct this dimension in the process as a source of disintegrative and negative influence or energy on the process as a whole while giving the opposite impression. How is this possible in nature? The idea that our minds and our best judgements cannot be fooled doesn't argue well in our defense against such possibilities. It is precisely this intrinsic flaw in our being which accounts for and supports the possibility of an obstacle, especially when compounded by our illusions and counterproductive responses.

One of the key notions making up the idea of 'the obstacle' is how often we choose to douse its metaphorical fire with gasoline out of an illusion giving us only the idea that there is some hope when our response lacks any clarity or committed action to resolution whatsoever. Such is the essence of corruption, it results from the misguided and undisciplined use of imagination, on every level, both for us mentally and also in a complimentary form belonging to the essence of nature itself.

I would offer a preliminary area to do your own inquiry into this subject for yourself, using addiction as the perspective on understanding with the focus squarely angled towards what essentially generates the obstacle at its worst, essentially by our own failure to recognize the mistake of our own responsible for our condition of suffering.<

Focus of Tennis

Watching the Austrailian Open 2009 Men's Final between Nadal and Federer takes you into a dimension of focus requiring stamina. The quest of life however is not so different, just currently lacking in focus but making up for that with ever increasing stamina (longevity).

The real choice of ours is whether we balance focus for ourselves in life.

Branden's Heroism

One of the forms of psychological heroism that builds self-esteem is the willingness to tolerate anxiety and uncertainty in the pursuit of your values-whether those values be work goals, the love of another human being, raising a family, or personal growth.

– Nathaniel Branden

Hymn to Angel SLP

Ooooh the sound of intoxicating suds
so needed then and more-so now
least considered keeps a door closed
the opening of which is chosen.

you say that its affordable
the feeling of guilt by association
encompasses the idea under what if
and shall I explain or not.

Our mind's eye pays in pain
so our lives relieve a shadow
where the brightness of the sun
finds a place of nearness to us.

Let her come by, for a peekaboo
but don't be surprised, who shows.
Awakened by a nurse must be positive.
It's the doctors you need to avoid.

Understanding how angels only serve
after being convinced their snots.
Adorably difficult right in private,
helping us to get back on our feet...

2009.1

Pursuing Deeper Insights

There is no question of the value being high no matter what the dimension one is considering when thinking of deeper insight and its pursuit. Without it, one's work is necessarily limited by the lack of growth associated and promoted by insights. There are managing issues however, in that while deeper insights are being acquired or expressed, time for work stops while the activity of the mind works down a different dimension.

A meta-state emphasizes deeper insight is limited by mechanics in the psyche, which not only limits their field of inquiry but produces interpretative results which are consistent and resonate the past scripting in order to maintain some degree of "connection with ???" An immeasurable difference exists between insight and deep-insight which represents the power of consciousness penetrating levels of being which have no limits, while still shrouded by the ultimate mysteries of life. Deep insight is consciousness accessing new levels and structures of information there with clarity and also instantaneous understanding, helping the spirit, increasing its power, raising how far one's consciousness can reach, and leaving behind great impressions which help our imprints and memories better than associative linking and intellectual math concerning the world which orders our experience as much as can possibly be done without overwhelming our presence.

So, depending on priorities and deadlines, insights and the meta work required to produce them should be pursued with the goal being a specific balance and let insight itself help determine this schedule, as it rightfully should.

Deeper insight can kill the unprepared and ordinary individual, dead in their tracks, if allowed to confront a man with such understandings of truth which are ours to heed and follow through with. There deadliness consists in revealing in the most factual basic way the emptiness of ordinary existence to the point of invalidating it completely. Unless a man is prepared to accept the consequences and has some beginning kernel of faith in what knowledge and teaching exists to help him mature and grow into a more complete level of being, beyond this mechanical and meaningless void, he is no different than a man sitting on death row without any further social contact to lighten his day because his days are endding, and in some very real way never began and to the depth and degree of the insight's scope finds how little is expected to ever come or happen from his concern and/or work towards existing on a higher level of consciousness.

ACTION as my ground of being, may remain forever, never to lose power, so great.

Can you sing and be happy while the sharks circle and whisper in your ear of their craving and hunger, even while they announce that their respect for you will not stop them from tearing you apart as soon as the circumstances warrant? When you can calmly float, and stare them down because your happiness has transformed your very existence into existence itself, and your soul remains to acquiesce the risk by virtue of the quality of irrisistence higher love inspires in all who come near.

And, because you recognize the benevolent power and satisfaction there is in giving to other life, still imprisoned by their destructive and unenlightened limits, your best and most open invitation to realize happiness itself, the communion of life energy that happy infects every contact with a higher purpose and path, destined with a renewed level of hope and a fate to reflect what light they were allowed when love smiled from on high.

Because happiness blesses us, finding it sufficient then frees our latent possibility to evolve naturally, for our nature is expressed happily at its complete best. Being responsible for this condition and state involves allowing one possibility to remain a mystery, though the rest of the world is ours to create and discover, the source of our own being is not.

Happiness begets true mystery. Faith is that legacy our cultural past gives us and continues to remain the most effective social sanctuary where men are educated spiritually though rarely succeeding in getting clear at all and of course all that comes with enlightened being and the freedom one finds inside to take one freely along in the outside world, naturally.

The mythologic architecture has its symbolic roots in the conscious source of truth in the final analysis which is the only real reason religion continues to exist as it does today even while expressing in those who attend to its abundant and endless streams of radiant possibilities the worst evils and in fact the highest antithesis of that source from which religion's cornerstone of faith was first manifest for our spiritual purpose.

The Ramones

Spent just over 20 years as trailer park troubadours, never fully succeeding, finding a harsh complex mix of life and alot of opposition from the establishment. Their anarchist philosophy was a beacon to the young and disenfranchised as they reached out to the world and resisted compromising their sound and identity for anyone. Their simplicity and lack of polish created immediate access to a wide and sorely left out fan base who found new strength and will in their presence. To catch their act was to find oneself in awe of what is possible if only one cares enough to go out and face the day.

The recent documentary of interviews portrayed a reality which caught both the sparkle and shine and also the shadows and grime, in an opne and honest way. Very settling to get to watch this morning and if you haven't seen the film on this band airing currently on one of premium channels like HBO or SHO, do yourself a favor and take the time to listen to these people talk about each other and the band to get a flavor of a true American pop musical group's legacy.

One for the Books

It Takes a Highrise to Raise a Child

The design, perfects the argument.
And, plenty exist against a highrise
especially those who desire a village.
Yet, to hear another close by, works.

The magic of nature's omnipresence
seconds man's consciousness of it.
In designed close proximity to man,
is deepest look made into his nature.

The value is an extension and destined.
Evolution necessitates this for survival
as the most reasonable, logical means.
Awake to others is awakening to oneself.

Well designed, a highrise is most natural
Always present to remind you the truth
Like the first telescope used by Gallileo,
any telescope will commonly persuade.

Listen to the soft ramblings of a child
in your introspective eveningtide, aha!
You begin to hear the truth come near,
no purer form of conversation exists.

IBD/2008

Middle Aged Gut Check

Did you hear me whine the last time I was here?
All intel calculates the real before an account says.
Just in, email says I'm $2.5m lotto winner, no lie.
Every offer includes similar lies of variable degree
within all commerce, most especially the retail end.

What about accounting for this economic plight?
The Psychology of Lying states an understanding -
not a method for quantifying, that would be sick.
Only reason to know impact of our lying products
is to rehabilitate consciences that might yet exist.

So then, promised a gut check, I gave you clarity
to the whine, and the design reconciled backend.
The Gut Check, afterthought, today made, comes
in view of a harmonic peaceful humanity envisioned
on how it would be, the ways and means possible.

I stipulate human error and mistakes, justice remains.
Yet as office and power dictate and provide, each of us
our interest must somehow become inspired by this:
Whatever harms naturally, costs the perpetrator love.
Nothing here matters if not for love as the one source.

rjd 9/2008

Middle Age Weirds Ideas (working draft)

Knowing this space I occupy is one with All-Space,
means understanding the relevant essence between
and how All-Space ceases to exist without myspace,
for one. Though I can't see infinity, eternity is nearer.
Once sacred ideas, science is poised to eliminate them
as facts, and without relevance, truer reasons might
measure reality of universe again, with more heart
not less. Absolutes, transcending relevance, was faith
cheating by unscrupulous politics and oppression
as natural of its true influence on human society?

There doesn't yet exist a healthy structure for man
within any society, to contribute value he seeks
thus society remains a fabric of man qua man links
at best, and decisions that define boundaries beyond
our reach, our consciousness, as we believe in voting
in ballots with a majority always the final ruling
over rest, winners over losers, an ironic fact in that
the smallest number always speak for greatest
and without a better idea we hang on to this farce.

Just like religion and less and less science, is this;
that our relevant understanding is completely false
while fact and faith are true possibilities, ideals now;
our knowledge is not active or operational, just belief.
And, ALL belief is foreign, adopted, alien, inauthentic
while original thought has quite the difference in flavor.
So while we in fact vote, we don't vote our own, do we?
It's multiple choice, with arbitrary write-ins ignored.

So, democracy has failed, while founding ideas remain
somehow providing individuals more than belief, hence;
social activism has brought us face to face razing the fence.
And, despite contest of loser's opinions evolving some
the promise fulfilled is purely circumstantial, most miss.
Real evolution, substantial and profound, will require
as many who vote, to suddenly think for themselves
recognize and maybe rally around new idea of governance.

This call then is to all the Ayn Rands, Einsteins, Emersons
alive today, to begin their epic works, and finish, I hope.
I speak in the darkness, though so many have my heart.
Clearly, the numbers as I've presented them don't compute,
don't equate, yet what other route does mankind have left?
Clearly, democracy isn't up to preserving individual liberty
when it's corruptd by those in power and opposing beliefs -
Scarcity, supremacy, cultural isolation, closed mindedness.

But, if not democracy, no ballot to cast our vote, then what?
The answer lies in economic theory and thought, I believe.
Only because, unlike political ideology and governments,
it actually takes account of facts without intrinsic bias,
except those elegantly and simply proven scientifically.
Obviously, here is where this man and Faith separate.
For faith, what's important is recycling every day's events
back into a narrative which is apocalyptic and mythologic.
For me, evolving my being needs honest accounting, to start.

Start speaking, paying your debt, invest, or gamble
until the horizon's fog bank clears its all the same act.
I have no reconciled statement, though alot of red belief.
My beginning will be to integrate higher philosophy
into my economical and financial accounting method,
and explore, leaving everything in play, sitting not.
In short, liquidate, consolidate, and capitalize; be fit.

9/2008, rjd

~For 50 Years Now

Found the woman I've been dreaming of
still putting the pieces together from last one
she was a Timex, I smashed against a tile.
My idea of lickin' was more than mistaken,
a dangerous key, made some sexy debris.

Each day luggs a few pieces I've kept along.
Countless times, I tried and failed the re-fit.
My ritual for recovery of truth, the love lost
by meditation, left over dust is swept to bin
so dream-flame has to ignite and not shatter

my broken heart

A suffering illusion I find or don't, shot out 22
only to have myself picked, served, and trashed
her guilt this time must be framed in my insanity.
Nobody can be wrong so many times, so many ways
about anything, as I have about the ways of women.

to question eye to eye, why love was never enough
to stop her from the decision to abandon me
doesn't happen because so far she's not been honest enough
abandoned by dreamlove, I imagine my insanity growing.

This last time was easier on my physical being but
knowing exactly how little faith and trust her lies concealed
the lying, the contemplated options, just dumping midstream
what reason extends for all before the split aiming to ruin
my happiness?

brutality of betrayal

each bout of illness, love's fever
unhooks all the edges where I hemorrhage
landing me a target for next bus to force what is my
misfortune, so unlucky enough to drop too much
to quickly to roll over under tires near bus stop.
This ICU has brought me closer and closer
to finding that woman, the challenge of heart
so close I know she's hiding, in bit of acting
I saw my dreamflame's twin, scorched mystery
she vanishes in, and the intensity left behind.

There's no denying this debris was my princess
I dreamed and dedicated with faith in truest love.
my timex test
which has kept my romantic dream alive
pinned on a childish belief in Santa Claus.

Pushing pile of rubble into a balled up wreck
as an homage to the dream girl I feel, thru
my illusion, the insanity, how she always runs
and for all 50 years now.