On the Flip Side...

What I can tell you is that considering others as in externally to oneself, continues to be a key not only in the Fourth Way but in my own reflection on its personal effects for me ripened over a long period of time. While it is not always at the forefront of my conscious awareness ... I'm so tired of the prescription ... proscription prescription whatever. All I'm saying always depends on and leans against what I don't say. It's the zen koan all over again. If Kutschner plays Steve Jobs in a film being talked about now about Jobs life ... even more off the hook is my medical view right now OR what precedes illness is sometimes just as sick or worse. This factor which is impacting my daily life in a big way doesn't hurt at all for it perhaps being one of the biggest downsides of life as I see. That and sleeping too long or otherwise blocking your girlfriend's own nap time.

I rediscovered the joy of higher consciousenss. It too has a downside, besides the progressive sorrow for risks that cannot be avoided but which have a high probability of changing life's vectors in a significant way. This happens in combination though, with positive upticks multi-dimentsionally.

I'm thinking Apple is in error with its Macbook Pro's ergonomics - Specifically, the edge that feels more like a dull blade against my hands and wrists. It is near the top of vulnerable postures and stress points on my body which if active too long always bark loudly when its time for me to shift my POV.

This User Interace could stand multiple upgrades, and ...

All I'm saying is ... stop the shooting on public ground putting civilians at big risk.

I cannot seem to wake up today. I soooo want to go back to bed. It's been like that all day.

Bringing Forth one's life is never going to be easy, though because the will wavers through time, how you create a perspective about that involes the idea of higher order functioning in defining who and what a human being is and means. Why is that important? You'd be amazed how rare our perspectives even have this minor level of function articulated in them.

The main point is how to remember the polarization in the flow. The flow in general represents both sides of the spectrum and because the zero point is always moving the limit rises to the surface connecting the discrete series into one sequence. Sometimes the bear eats you, and sometimes you eat the bear.

My questions always become painful when i write, why is that? Despite that pain, I still love to write as well as how it makes me feel as a consequence extending a ways into the future, usually, as well.

Theme of an Ocean

A cold desolate beach
Romantic memory laden
Shamelessly irrisistable 
dealing on heat changed
A lot - depending on the light.

All the rough shod traveling
Comes to an end here, still
Alone with Imperial Beach
When I'm ill at best, quiet.

Unchangingly calm & clear
Star light sees stardust
Looking at us rabble rouses
A curiosity of mysteries
And a spectacular attitude.

Happiness

There are a lot of different stories out there, narratives which define and express who we are. Some promote happiness, others are mum; but the story does not evoke or produce the reality every person longs for since birth. And until a man decides to free himself and choose wisely what his story says, these narratives are insidious in the way they entrap and enslave men in what has been the only hell I've ever seen. What could be worse, than cut off, spun out, and oblivious to one's possibilities to ascend and evolve happy? So, that said, I want to take a stab at this idea of the highest state we are forever pursuing whether we acknowledge it or know it, but would be happy to if the idea were real and realizable. Moving mountains was never a concern when man's mind is made up and then dies.

The primary problem is being connected consciously to a purpose larger than oneself. Good ideas, wisely understood and followed, nevertheless is not alive, and our aliveness demands a transcendent exchange to being in relationship to all that possibility which exists as yet a mystery for us.

Consciously knowing this is the proper place to start, and then the real test begins as we grind out a space of vision in which the opportunity may finally arise such that we have enough time and energy to connect before the moment expires.

In fairness to wisdom's principle of balance and harmony, its necessary to say that the process includes failure which one experiences as perhaps the epitome of personal hell, and at best a return to darkness. No fun, and often the precursor to a man's relapse and slip back into a state of sleep.

The Beauty of the Mind

...is its inherent ability to partition experience, codify, and language it, resulting in possibilities one imagines despite all opposition. C-All for our potential of conscious evolution, conscious effort, conscious suffering, and conscious ascension. There is joy in recognizing that seed in one's field of awareness for what and how it is the best feature of our being but paradoxically the beauty of the mind as our personal warden whose capacity to keep us asleep is both real and an illusion. Is it our addiction to the dreams which clouds the way above? How can we step outside of the domain to prepare a higher integral including what's missing, leaving nothing out?

Sea of Unity

A friend shared an old poem of mine with me today and I daresay it deserves to be republished and revisited as an homage to how deep and hot love can ignite in the heart.

Sea of Unity

The sea bequeaths thee
eternity beseems the one.

The yearn of my concern
watches time undone.

Knowing the grand expansion
braves dark dawning sun.

Yet would I find happy a flame
in the cavern of your love.

Even tho I suffer my darling
blessed is my enduring heart.

Our bonfire beats a quickening light
Into spirit’s captivating shine.

Mating the one transcends the two
living as the sea of unity.

© R.J. Duberg , 2004

Miraculous Endpoint

We have greater possibilities than we ever succeed in revealing
Every day, we can choose to renew ourselves in divine direction.
It's one of the most profound phases and transitions we confront.
Accepting external opinions as directions, available flows missed
denying mind the the latitude of time compression for what's best.

Outcomes and bringing forth the human condition for its evolution
Seems dependent on our response and choice of best crossroads.
For the best paths of ascending  open with choice to be conscious
with skills of translation to step up or down any stair communicated
willing a higher power the opportunity to grace a world, miraculous.

© 2/2012 rjduberg

*

A Look from da Utterside: 

An Inv for Recipient Status

I have certainly been given enough energy the last two days, enough to activate some very cold and unused literary talent. Can't tell you what might be at the source of this uptick in my wellness mission. Probably had something to do with some extra money floating around in my accounting. It is still a very discomforting experience for me to check into my physical beingness, moree specifically the instinctual part of the whole physical level of existence to which also defies the greater effort to categorize ourselves properly that such disagreements become settled and past.

Back to this uptick of mine. I have spent many hours the last two dqys writing for the first time in maybe 2 months with a few rare exceptions. Anyway ... it may simply wishful thinking on my part. As it is, I've lost confidence in this specific octave and have no immediate plans to do anything other than spend some quality time with a certain feminine octave instead. One of these days anyway ...

~

Muse z'Darkside

Have forgotten how many or for how long
Mostly due to shifting my focus elsewhere
Lapse of memory is a worthless skill, isn't it?
Oh yeah, now I recall, fricken' hackboys...
Last one whined over lumber blindnesses!?

I have no doubts about my insanity on this
issues regarding my not having the integrity
I ask myself to do and for what next to again
For instance, already in this small strophe I did it
Again almost sly enough I almost didn't recognize
My own complicity in all that I find negative. Oh God...
Us men, poets of the heart, need a muse to survive I find...
What does it mean that writing her poetry failed in the end?
Though on any given day any number of women acted, "As If..."
said a word about the lumber something in your face revealing fear
is how fear looks fueling up too short for an otherwise peaceful passion
Quality over quanity is nasty complex puzzle I rarely achieve - far too brief
trigger of my condition centers on an imperfect and always fading memory.

For all the incomplete scenarios I was responsible for and ashamed
equally important and offsetting positives showed up for me with love
In a perfect world, my muse and I would have not suffered such cause
but would have realized a higher language and a greater skill of respect.
And for that prior expertise, is it no wonder death gets so close to chime in?
How many times did  screech stop all proceedings in push for us to succumb
in destructive self defeat intensified and spread by regressing into childishness.

Passing through the eye, being reborn, raising one's level of consciousness, arereconciled in properly predetermined units of interrelated time crossing up instincts
creating an internal tide of divine fire, which leaves illuminated the evolution to higher
Man's only risk to himself, remains the greatest risk today, because we all get too personal
I do that and there's extra added obsession over meaning. The paradox of truth lies between
whatever that means and however long it takes us to celebrate fully the sacred source of mystery.
1st draft


© 2/2012  rjduberg

And yet ... another falling angel?

Do you see the wings and body's backside?

Something from my phone

Answer to those known not to be "big fans" of poetry

A friend of mine wrote me recently as she and I are in the serial habit of writing each other as such ... I had recently shared an old poem of mine written in 1999 titled, Returning Word, which communicated elegantly something she has some rigid structures of resistance to, with her rational mind appearing disconnected from her heart leaving here uninformed per se. It continues to be a deep teaching moment for me as she persists in creating negations to my forays, turning them into platitudes. Such nonsense, really ... my most recent attempt to garner her understanding is of course culled by a new tact, as of course each new attempt must be I think, for me to continue to express and have any possibility for her. From using poetry I have reversed my focus back to logic and definitions and attention to meta language and communicating integral thought/thinking. 

So, my answer to her statement follows...

What prompts you too close down communication like this?  Impatience, vanity ... what? You realize that I am not my poetry, and you are not your "mission." Maybe you could suggest a metaphor for me other than language for the physical beingness we express? I'm thinking you might go with the vessel -> holy grail legend which you will always be famous in my memory for. The poem I shared with you was my expression to you, it was not an artifact per se but was as relevant the day I wrote it as it is today if not more so. Let me reiterate that - I didn't share or send you a "poem" but rather an expression I have channeled as poetry; but, which follows no formality or set of rules. If there is a basis that can be defined for choosing a creative writing paradigm like poetry to express myself at times, I suppose it is that the heart, at least my heart, I experience as a musical harmony in perfect time, and when relevant find my written discourse simply looks more like poetry than prose, voila. Whenever I speak both from the heart and without rational focus, my words found poetry far more simpatico than the rest of the possible types/classes/genres in the world. So it goes...

From another view, taking Rumi and Hafiz, as well as Whitman, Emerson, Shakespeare, Percy, ahhh, but the list could easily run on and on for me, why? Poetry is far more pleasing to read when one's consciousness is focused on the heart. As a reader, there is really nothing more exciting and rewarding than to discover a new poet, past or present; that, in the reading my heart sings and dances an understanding unto itself.

...

On further reflection I should add that my excitement over understanding a new poet emotionally is not in any sense like a liking for. In fact, a major portion of my favorite poets are really difficult reads (TO SAY THE LEAST  :-). Rather, the excitement is due simply to understanding developed with a concordant illumination within. If the truth were really to be told, I sometimes read prose poetically and vice versa. Such fluidity characterizing my style of listening and reading might be considered as weak in concentration. That conversation is far beyond the scope of this post. Suffice it to say howver, that despite this apparent dissonance in communication (as I understand myself actively through it) my intuition seems to have a precedent level role leading me to more and more properly align myself though formal dictates appear broken. The relevant issue here is of course truth and the discernment required in order to both perceive and appreciate truth. It is a judgement void of personal taste, drama, and concern for external references, standards, fads, styles, etc.

With a proper acknowledgement of my rather banal dualistic revelation on the matter, the conversation regarding the truth of all that which I just now classified as falsifying; again, is a conversation far beyond the scope of this post. Yet again, one strives to be complete, as much as possible, with the greatest most concise amount of brevity one is capable of, particularly when one's tact is rationally based.

Returning Word

Written in 1999, and recently honored in a favorite old poetry forum, when I read it again after more than a decade. I don't know how I managed to produce this then as I surely can't recall when I last equaled this poem. How many poems as this have I also forgotten, one wonders?

Don’t you know I would make it all good
in the image and spirit of all that is good.
There is no mountain tall enough
nor sea deeper than my love for this,
for you have touched me beyond reason
and you found my solitude
with no words spoken for the fragrance
that respects and that respect alone
will never be questioned nor rescinded.

That gift was a dawning star in a gesture
where such a gift means action
and gestures meaningless, save
that which brings forth radiant things
by such means as a simple nod
an unheard motion or voice emboldened.

A language heard by galaxies as poetry
laughing fat and heavy like any progeny
such as you, keeper of my silence,
illuminated of those listening within.
Bearer of heavenly bodies rank and file
sweet brigand radiant lovers of peace,
you manifest light silent but penetrating
manifesting now honor and my thanks.

Making a solitary moment of smiling
from here below on all you’ve done
acknowledging you’re immeasurable
surely the source of everything with
a face of peace to which I listen.

© R.J. Duberg , 1999

Tongue of Love

The movement of life is a song
and my love is a feeling so long
the essence sustains not yet proud
a torrent under every passing cloud.

And above there, the mind still plays
for a rest, clarity of reeds does the wind
that love sings silently within the heart
a higher vibration called to liberate.

That which remains indescribable to me
My love offers boon in a conscious voice
And embracing new dimensions of being
comes on the lap lick of a wagging tongue.

© 12/31/2011 rjduberg

My Ineffable Leanings Today

As a longtime student of Gurdjieff's work, at one time enthusiastically participating in what I persuaded myself was a real esoteric school of the fourth way with a conscious teacher in place, discovering my mistake was easily the greatest shock in my life since the original shock I received after awakening from my sleep a short while after finding Ouspensky's, The Psychology of Man's Possible Evolution. That first shock was understanding the truth about how little truth and reality actually figured in my psychology, a humbling failure to simply stay conscious for a short walk from the bookstore to my dorm at UCSB was all it took. After rejecting outright my upbringing indoctrination into the Lutheran Faith not a moment after being confirmed, there was no easy way to relapse or lose the sense of gravity which that choice was based on. To renounce any of portion of the automatic inculturated programming which our youth absorbs and believes unconsciously and without critical discernment, nevermind such a massively moral code like religious faith requires a level of fearless ferocity in relationship to one's own mechanical need of comfort and approval that without at least some modicum of support from one's guardians or parents the possibility feels altogether imaginary. I happened to be graced by a Mother whose wish for me to be completely free to become my own man and make my own decisions, achieve my own successes and failures, was steadfast in her being my mother. This required some huge suffering of her own to achieve growing up, as she rebelled against the hugely indoctrinated and moral code of her parents by running away from home at as young teen before the age of adulthood with a muscian to live away from the oppression and feeling servitude which she experienced as a result of her brother being a prodigy despite being blind and taking away all the attention and support that she genuinely deserved but didn't feel coming and took this circumstantial situation as the gravest form of suffering any child receives short of actual harmful abuse. Children need to be cared for properly with vital aliveness of the best in us, at least, don't you think. Negligence of children is to cripple the best in them in both their happiness when young and throughout the rest of their life. She ran away from home with a young pianist studying with her brother because he gave her the attention she so badly needed. When his short sabbatical here ended off she went with him back to his home in Mexico City. Her recovery was I suppose at best something one might call civil in terms of relations, but looking back at my her parents and my experience of them growing up I can immediately recognize the undercurrent of negativity which to mom's credit was kept in check through a resurgent dedication as an obedient and grateful adult. With this perspective then one may be able to appreciate just how lenient and careful she was with me to always be there for me and yet do her best not to micro-manage or pass judgement as a parent since she knew first hand the kind of pain that way of being towards a child can create.

Interestingly enough without going into a long story about its arising, this commitment and stand on her part did not prevent her negative programming which her parents unconsciously dumped on her until she completely rebelled and ran away from homed from inciting me to do the very same thing during my senior year in High School. My sojourn was quite short however and not so far as to keep me from finishing school.

The important issue here was that to her credit there was enough conscious work at NOT being oppresive the way her parents were that I actually developed some level of understanding about my role and how it related to her actions in terms of what they made possible as a result. That with a protracted illness my father suffered, dying in my arms shortly before entering the confirmation process, and I was primed and prepped to act out radically in honor of these experiences.  Experiencing my father's death so intimately sealed in me the gravity which my mother's wishes for me might not otherwise have made much of a difference. But after he died, not a day has ever passed that I have not contemplated death and life's fragile uncertainty.

So, when I participated in an exercise suggested by Ouspensky in his introduction to fourth way work designed to produce the first shock which has to do with GETTING one's inability to do or remain conscious, I knew that I had found precisely what religious faith, morality, and teaching lacked,. Authentic possibility and experience vs. a story. That first shock was internal in perspective and quite hard to share. Talking about it, and sharing it I've found does not induce in others the same experience that I had back in the beginning, due in my opinion to what I've shared here leading up to this point regarding specific conditions present in my childhood, shaping and influencing my process as it did. The next shock however, is an external one that I had when I realized the lack of integrity and proper care given by the conscious teacher I had adopted for several years. The disappointment was devastating, and my satisfaction in the work has never recovered yet to the point of finding a truly authentic conscious teacher to work with. Having been so taken in only to find my gullability irrevocably established upon the "teacher's" lack of conscious being reflected in his inappropriate and harmful exploitations of and abuses of his students for sexual and thus completely narcissitic and sociopathic gratifications, I have at least been ferocious in my assessments of everyone hence. There have been many teachers and yet none have succeeded in impressing me consciously at least as fourth way teachers of the caliber of Ouspensky or Gurdjieff. I don't deny that history is replete with such masters, but none of them remain beyond their aesthetic appeals and artifacts  paying homage to their enlightened state and its capacity to produce higher impressions. It's only necessary to think of the Poetry of Rumi for example or the writings of Lao Tzu, or the Buddha to understand the nature of this higher energetic impression such master's works and remaining arftifacts communicate and create for those able to receive higher influence.

While I haven't actually run across a charismatic false prophet like the one that fooled me in the beginning, everyone since then while at times well versed and even charismatic in their self-expression and passion for the work only get as far as proclaiming and telling the story over, which I've developed a very sensitive "taste" for by its interpretive color and trapped design given by today's culture and way of doing things.

It's nothing short of such sorrow that I almost cannot bare to share, only that I am aware that such thought is unrelated to the reality of listening and response which others will actually have. In a culture of impassioned commitment to looking good, this change of heart and attitude is unexpected except for the fact that I continue to study the master's and fourth way ideas though without disipline or confidence that one would necessarily expect from having an authentic teacher to consult and learn from.

I'm still alive, despite many instances in which I could have easily expired and died, and as long as I'm still alive I will remain grateful if just for my magnetic center and its level of gravity which continues to bring me over and over back to a proper first shock with gratitude and evermore acceptance.

Life with ESRF

End Stage Renal Failure. Complicated by Congestive Heart Failure and Restless Leg Syndrome. Spent most of last month in the hospital while my doctor's tweaked my medicine for days. I've been home now for about a week and doing better, but nothing near what I recall having when more healthy. One might say I've been through the wringer, but the truth is that its only just beginning. I do look forward to the day when I can really sink my teeth into some esoteric writing. I guess I'll just use this as a repository for my wish list of things to write on for now....

How the higher emotional center finds its patience: Focus on Long Thoughts

Putting Inifinity and Eternity into Perspective

The myopic view of Creationism 

America's Politics:  A Void of Leadership, A Lack of Perspective

Depression
The Art of the Interview: Safely Illiciting Trust, Freshness of Perspective

Tantric Suffering

My response to Jivana's frustrations with attracting attention to her spiritual passion for Tantra Yoga, asking me, What's a Tantrika to do? 

Moses has pretty much revealed the twist that he his IMHO and I wouldn't reflect negatively on yourself ever where he's concerned. I do love bold effort, just can't follow someone who blinks on and off without proper time. Let's ignore sizzle and look for a successful Tantric business model that feels good to you.

Reconsider your free insight as more of a solid challenge more or less. This strategy echoed "the Bruce" masculine fix it, identify it, believe you're right, and if challenged, act with balls to the walls, win/conquer/overcome/solve vs evolve ... how? As your insight, this "solution - cultivation" had a reality of how many possible understandings? 1) understood - now if this is true, such a person has in reality nothing more to anticipate from you in the sense of an exchange, but despite the large numbers of those who will attest to this option, I'd venture in reality none understand your meaning, why? Because you used a strong western term to describe a predominantly eastern notion. The bridge or proper frame for this looks to me like a "teaching" which you could insert into your offer, expanding your value substantially. 2) uninterested with false ideas and beliefs governing the listener's ability to connect a greater value to their own cultivation over their habituated western response which puts any kind of pill at the top of the list of pros in their decisions.

This can opposed with the truth however it deserves a certain vicious level of shock in your attitude to complete it. Personally, I don't think once you understand the SHEER insanity involved that you would have any problem generating a little awesome rage to share with our idiotic western male minds. But for me I'd simply make a short list of some of their more popular drugs and then cut a few sound bites out of those pharmacological media ads which today are forced to acknowledge the risks involved. All I'm saying is that more times than not what I hear are symptoms (all serious to deadly) which mostly resemble the worst case scenarios for taking the drug in the first place or greatly increase the possibilities for suffering, including death. Tell me how hard it would be for you to work up that aspect of the "teaching?" And, I think this dimension is or was all that was missing for me.

Healing is easily one of the biggest institutions here in the west and it should be no surprise that any openness to anything outside of the box is altogether unheard for all the noise and warfare going on inside over the business of control and profit. So here's the one negative you present. I called old school but its really all about attempting to fit your service inside of box long ago stapled shut and put out of the reach mainstream medicine.

My advice would be to start small but in a way that is so solid and consistent that you generate a field of momentum not unlike that surrounding the corner 7/11 store. Evident in your own defense in the use of the words pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is a vision WANTING/DESIRING to bring those most important values which exist outside of the box were talking about to those committed to staying in the box. Though my explanation exists on a very high meta level of understanding, I feel most if not all sense this kind of disconnect in terms of westernized standards of pragmatic action.

Western masculinity loves to chew things up and if there is not enough to chew on because of authoritative levels of credibility (purpose of the institution) value falls through an all encompassing "snake oil" crack reserved for such disconnects of foreign offers which do not pay homage to the western man's need to BELIEVE enough to feel righteous in his decision. So, in so many ways it all comes down to understanding what the western paradigm can digest initially which I've given several pointers about regarding protocols of style. Faith is the big twist for western man because essentially his faith is only a mask of his ambition to conquer and feel righteous superiority over himself, versus a truly spiritual faith which is beyond the scope of these issues to get into.

What's a tantrika to do?  I suppose if it were me, I'd spend some time simply recreating a core community of tantrika fellowship, worship, and development where the spirit of Tantra as it exists alive today and now in you and your sister goddesses becomes ordered properly. In the fourth way, one of the gems that Gurdjieff had to offer was called the law of 3. It states that all of manifestation happens due to the interaction of 3 laws, called the law of 3. These three forces are called affirming, negating, reconciling  OR  active, passive, neutral.

The question for me to you about Tantra and more specifically what your offering has to do with whether or not it has stopped being the affirming force in your manifest existence. The second force called passive or negating can also be seen as forming a vessel or boundary in opposition to the affirming force. I don't think I have to get into the abundance of that force in the west today. The third force called neutralizing (in the sense of the conflict and tension imaginable holding the first two forces in check) and reconciling refers to skillful means and design in order to achieve whatever the desired result is one wants. So, for instance, a simple example of this is easily demonstrated by considering a canal.



Now apply this law to your complaint's basis in which your pitch appeared opposed by Tantric Ignorance. Great pitch, but a deeper look into western society shows the masters of the pitch achieving and manifesting nothing as our esteemed legislatures in Washington are currently chronicling in the worst way in America's history. Another little teaching not unlike the earlier one on negative side effects caused by the very drugs designed to relieve us of such and such.

OK...I've got to stop here but I hope the law of 3 helps you think about what you can do a little bit. More than anything else, for me, Tantra's source is the sacred celebration of all that is man and woman and how approaching the opposite sex from reverence and love authentically shows up as ecstasy and bliss leading one further into the divine mystery to which every successful step taken marks yet another chapter of man's real evolution and destiny.

At some level of course everything I just said can and will be reduced to Bruce's level, so then what is the difference that makes a difference for that NOT to happen? Have faith in your Tantric practice and let yourself receive the gift your mind cannot by itself produce nor generate enough energy to manifest even if it were so enlightened.

In a truly masterful and authentic offering then, one takes away a feeling of not having heard about something but a far higher and more energetic sense of having witnessed the truth and mystery. The real essence of Tantric beauty power and spirit occurs for me right here as I realize the perfect unfolding nature of reality in its ordered weaving of threads beyond my comprehension but consciously recognized RECONCILING being the fullest integrity of what is polarized in dualism, and blossoms as UNITY, a state beyond all words or language's ability to express.

Ahhhhhh, but you say, here now at this moment where do I start? If after reading my "take" here 3 times, if you still have that question, can we speak about it then?

love,rj

Nondualistic slice #1

The Fight for Non-Dualism

All of a sudden I have been venting on statements received from others having a lack of integrity or non-dualistic structure and of course the concomitant presence of higher consciousness, really grinding on the issue since it clearly precedes any proper recognition of higher consciousness and the eloquence and process higher states provide. There is with each higher step and degree to one's vision upward the possibility of receiving new higher influences based in higher forms of thought and truth. So, I belabor on exchanges having one aim in mind, to evoke some degree of recognition in favor of true non-dualistic possibility by demonstration.

That's good enough for a lead in on a excerpt I'm going to post here right now for demonstration taken from some lengthy correspondence on facebook today ... 
Am I kidding? Maybe, are you? lol ... but really let's stay focused on non-dualism if we may. For me it is top shelf in the horizon of evolving new age twaddle, IE not the twiddle, but possibilities relating to evolution and real ascending consciousness in this work. I'm assuming your comments may lead to a substantive reveal since the page were on is dedicated to this state of being, is it not? Regardless, the difficulty of this may appropriately be understood for the outrageous comedy that has ensued from your rent. Personally, I have never seen the efficacy in crying wolf or running to mommy, acting the fool, as a strategic response which theoretically in some cases might jostle somebody out their dualistic underpinning in their world view. The style by which progress was articulated in the dualistic paradigm was in its current most hideous form something I like to refer to as the Boehner Rule. Deny Deny Deny, if you say it enough, invalidate opposition enough, this preponderance was thought to secure a properly persuaded debate on whatever. However, why don't you just take handgun and shoot me for all that's worth. The question regarding non-dualism is on the table I think correct me if I'm wrong. I'll add some more twaddle received just today by an active feminist speaking on my twaddle phone. I had questioned the aphoristic offer she had posted in much the same way I made an issue of "expect nothing" here. Her response was, "dear Robert, what ever brings you to freedom. Now. Go for it." 

And again, what is so revealing in these exchanges is how my non-dualistic inquiries are never comprehended or understood and the reality of how dualistic thinking and paradigmatic thought works reveals quite mechanically, unconsciously, and without value. It's complicated but until people actually begin to observe these patterns as they become activated and processed in their moment to moment daily lives, the best I may hope for when tossing general principle on the board might be some resonation effect such as I got you from you. Entertaining as it was, I assume you won't question me if I don't pursue your responses further for their erudition or enlightenment on this subject. T'wood be nice though ROFL ... but in closing, let me just leave such responses as condescending as their patronage becomes for me for you to NOT consider worthy of such responses as they unfortunately twist up on themselves. 

Gesturing, posturing, meme sorting and prioritizing, classic to all standards of polite styling are better off simply eliminated and dropped. We are not attending a tea party here and the issues are in fact lethal. The observations of integrity and authentic engagement, long ago defined such feints and game playing as essential violations to the efficacy of this dialectic, with of course the one primary authentic exception being the one genuine expression which opens that letter containing the fully innovated expressions of the next level's eloquence vetted and delivered. There is no room for stone throwing character assassinations or game playing having at its source a lack of comprehension or baseline understanding that brings a participants energy and attention online in the collective's best fashion.

It's not an easy question is it? I no quite often its much easier to indicate the absence and persistence of dichotomies which in their very measure have no means to bridge the infinite or allow man to ascend even another level in how he orders the structure of his thought. Take again what was said by a active feminist "twaddler" today as a response to me ... "dear Robert, what ever brings you to freedom. Now. Go for it."
 
Ahh, second thought, give me the gun so I can shoot her and put her out of her misery and mine LOL It's too late in this post to get rigorous with the mind over just how this t'woodspeak is the lock on otherwise intelligent people's lives, made possible by the core dynamic of dualism as it informs and structures thought in its own light. Being able to directly see dichotomous polarities as factual structure to dualistic thought is the first step. The second is to understand the reality of how one includes the other and the illusion Belief creates splitting that reality in a way denying arbitraraily, one side its validity using the Boehner Rule.  Anyway ... that's enough from me on Non-dualism today ... not that anyone understood it or was listening. I do reserve my own feelings which always ascend in completing my own efforts with sincerity. G'day. 

PS-We could pretend though and play nutball games. Conforming has always been the preferred fallback position, but only because nobody actually remembers the subtext making it necessary and useful in the first place.

PSS-I invite comments, for this conversation is far from over and I can't think of anything that would tickle me more that somebody having understood enough to extend this roll along its proper path without me doing all the work all the time. Namaste, rj

A First Draft titled, Just Sayin' What?

Recognized Bias more honest?

Just Sayin' What?

Draft One
by Robert Duberg

Nothing said ever did justice to the perception of a diamond by the true feminine mind of the goddess within. There, the light of brilliance in what matters penetrates beyond sexuality even but not without providing the platform by which sexuality is resolved by the rock, where notions of clarity reach their highest form. And with men, their beauty reflects in their best friend cliche, their palace dog, that unconditional expression of love of the highest form between man and his world. Looks good on paper to most though I doubt most even stop to consider, some to stupid to get out of the way of oncoming storms. They get a sign tied to their big toe, for the death that has taken them is ruled by entropic extremism only. Life is defined by the opposing energy which sustains systemic vitality, the coherent structure through which the process of living moves. Understanding the paradox of contraction ("holding it together") as it directly creates the condition in which our lives actually thrive, again, is an art which has all but been lost on humanity at present.

Halfway through my own life, the decline is accentuated in a stepped up kind of way. I can respond, but my responses seem far too slow on the uptake, pathetically missing any compromise sufficient and innovative, and only rarely enough or properly justified to the critical mission of staying on course, awake, and centered in the most high gravity of higher consciousness. My progress, a thread of penetrating insight and integrity, through each new moment arising, is often nil. Not less than a several times a day I am busy behind the scenes of ordinary perception and recognition open to my brethren, rejoining, re-igniting, redefining but at least refining my resources along higher roads having possibilities proper to my path, proper enough to evoke a feeling it is the best one I know that has heart. A path with heart, simply means a path one feels with the deepest part of my heart in which the seat of my conscience resides. Conscience is our compass on honor which reflects human order. Anything else, leads by entropy to living arbitrarily in the end, yet another free pass for death to enter and take what spiritually is our destiny without resistance or effort, that higher possibility long ago snuffed out by some concession to comfort or nod to conformity.

Our victorious destinies require this little discipline of our attitude which seems a paradox in the wise but is simply a seriousness approaching the strength of death itself but orthogonally in a conscious valuation of what being alive offers us ultimately. The short version for this author on the subject of entering that level where the possibility becomes enough of an issue to keep me awake in the dead of night, when there is NOTHING naturally holding me to the line needed to see me through to that infinite dawn's light within was being their in my father's extended fight to stay alive in the end when he succumbed to a cardiac event. Attuned and hyper-vigilant at the age of 11 without any idea of the extreme position that put me in down the line, his heart attack in the restroom called to me silently and I arrived within seconds to break his fall, lay his body on the ground, cradled, his head in my lap, whereupon the process in progress became clear to me even then for its being his last on this plane of existence in this life we shared, a legacy that defines the essence of life that's mine, in part. His death then, was a propelling force far outside normal boundaries of human affairs at that age. Death's paradox is its essential primer for being and consciousness at the next level, with enough supporting and higher influences nearby to help. And NOTHING says it quite like Death says it even when denied its intent to consume the remains of spirit with entropic overwhelm which annihilates that grip of spirit which allows for such complexities as humanity brings to thrive and evolve in fact, as in synthetics and inventions which long ago eclipsed what nature has come together for us to exist in the final analysis. Where we draw the line and own and make ours as the source of our own being distinct and not attributable except in the sophist's logic of Newtonian days gone by is by far yet another missing piece of the human iconography by which his true spirit can be known. Be in the world but not of it, is a cliche waiting the next level.

The moral of a life lived from a point before my teens in which I succeeded in keeping my father alive only to have him die in my arms, would certainly make sense only in clarifying that pain of which I personally draw a line around as to its being unnatural, something having an existence relevant ONLY to mankind. Natural Death is not the issue, it is the meaning my father's death specifically created in my essence or what it means for me to be alive as a human being. Thus, my death, in the way I speak of it especially is NO longer natural in any way. My view of it sees a humor which most would find rather strange, and its true, even now I am chuckling over the way I died to natural means and ways and have been ever since that fateful day as a child. The next level looms and calls me out reminding me any hesitation or lack of commitment or willingness is less clarity and a choice for death in the end. When everything in my conscience and heart screams against this, its fair to ask how it so often makes no difference with so very few and rare individuals holding to the higher roads by which liberation from suffering disappears for those ascending at some point. The story of man's true possibilities is the story of his waking sleep, defined by falsity and incomplete chaotic integrity of being, which as a structure shackles him unconsciously to realms of being by which most accept without question. The paradox of death is perhaps the most potent one indeed, if you consider how direct experience of it in a clarified relevance never-ending both confirms and verifies one's true knowledge as well as removes something necessary in order for man to defeat it or otherwise deny it when it comes calling.

In closing then, the next level or the last level as chronologically relevant here is reversed and comes first in importance and value. But, not only that paradoxically but also in a way holographically, not simply added to or calculated or computed in to our life calculus but throughout and beyond the dimension of time, beginning and end. This kind of change is next level and probably ought to be reserved even past new age terms like transformation as well. The guts of this, this higher road, which honored appropriately expresses a shift minimally along the axis of order itself is not content but a field of possibility content expresses some relevant vital impression worthy all by itself for the listener to attend to now.

The paradox of rules runs up its flag on this pole. While the past saw us reminding ourselves of such boundaries, rules, means, and ways which supported the order of that day. Today's reminders must be remembered to in fact express something else distinct from memory. If held from within from this level of clarity in one's discerning spiritual light, the proper step to the next level is at least in theory emerging between us. Knowledge beyond memory is knowledge between memory, the last frontier where knowledge has yet to be understood as unknown but discoverable. Thus Vonnegut's time speaking on the essence of a good story means to my reader a finding of light which re-dazzles a diamond clarity, raising that clarity into a realm beyond memory but living magnificence and realms of power no words have yet been spoken sufficiently unto. The hero today remains Vonnegut himself, give no small claims to that character at the root of your story for now. Heroes speak for all of us and only when Johnny is on the spot, in full regalia, making the point without any confusion or lack of attention from those that matter. What Vonnegut wanted was to help us write better, what this writer wants is for the reader to not be unsatisfied, and what my father wanted ... was a paradox for me in that he died when he really wanted to live, and in a double twist ... he wanted to speak to me across the veil of death to confirm that place which humanity continues to spin out about in terms of how to proceed through and back.

Can language be a hero, a character in a story one can root for?

IF not then, unable to represent the possibilities now extending within, who or what shall one root for and if not a hero then what? Express the matter/spirit boundary given by measurable and immeasurable dimensions of existence in language which itself has yet to evolve the capacity recognition allowing the speaker to connect properly on the issue with a listener.  (the listener, having only memory to orient to what is received as far as accessing order, is structurally limited to a realm incapable of evolving in which humanity can share truth with others about this aspect of life, in which order can be held vital through the transition and detachment from the human material form.)

What does it mean to consciously lose the human form and continue to align and order energy without the  material structure one's life and death define naturally? 

    - the possibilities for progress are?  -- our non material energetic power intuited in the ideas of INTENT AND WILL connected with clear synchronistic manifestations which reflect in the material realm but like ocean waves are in the world but not of it or shall I say intrinsic to baselines on which the     material realm is based and centered on. Mentally, the primary engaging interactive element by which we  are connected to all of that is called our memory. Paradox is a characteristic of higher roads and thinking, which form the style of liberation as it is expressed in langauge through the             human mind. Thus, progress looks like backwardness, contradiction, and anything but linear refinement which was the hallmark of progress up until this point of higher non-dualistic thought and consciousness.

What can be said to expressing stories when this new pattern emerges for which the probability of having a prepared and ready listener approaches zero still? Can writers from higher consciousness write even while all the pertinent and relevant meaning is stripped moment to moment from their words leaving whatever is left without any single sniff of something original, what possibly will sustain their motivation to write in such dire and dismal conditions?

And of the masters who were able to sustain the motivation and publish their compendium despite this recalcitrant and unreciprocating and unforgiving and unbending resistance to their just sayin what they want, everything they accomplished must at some point be undone ultimately. Thus, one's response to their just sayin' is justified to the extent that one can criticize it intelligently enough without being swooped up into the hell that is the mystery. That's the eventual destination just sayin' reaches anyway, and certainly by all ways and means to be avoided. It matters, the truth is not something incomprehensible, but just sayin' whatever even if the genius of the speaker is unwavering matters not. It'll be much harder to rectify the Christian Cult and its victims in the end compared to the cynical unconscious humor entailed in mockery aimed at conspiratorial doomsday sayers. The initial impulse which just sayin presents, the shock of a reality that is NOT all that which our memories present it to us to believe as such with beginnings and ends and solidity and mass, IF NOT actively engaged in inventing and struggling with a narrative which properly moves towards (since that is all one can expect without consensual agreement among humanity's speakers and listeners) THE NEXT LEVEL, to be true to one's commitment to spirit in this situation is to check in to the space of possibility within and come from there voluntarily suffering the struggle of what to say when one has no memory to regulate and organize. Creativity is and has got to be ongoing, and at a level that speaks beyond justice but penetrates realms without apology that are mystical. The best way is to retain some small thread of linear dichotomy such that ordinary reader's, though dissatisfied, aren't able to continue the confining imprisonment which associative memory asserts on us. The confusion will be a positive one as it has been said but now with particular relevance ... the most important conversation each of us needs to engage in is exactly that one which leaves us the most confused and dazed. To see the active paradox at work in that understanding is to hit the last leg of the wrap up of my so called short story . Again to Vonnegut's requirement that we're either revealing character or forward action, sentence by sentence ... my sense falls mostly into the notion of action, where the character remains paradoxical and problematic for the very simple fact that very few have the capacity to appreciate paradox presented as anything other than an oddity. To present it as a core value and foundation of structure in thinking will continue to be part of the struggle for me until such time that it isn't.

Have I been sadistic enough? Well no quite frankly, and again paradoxically, without this element it always seems as though readers lean to characterizing their experience or read as itself sadistic or laborious minimally as such. It may be that the doom-saying still retains some value precisely here but my initial response to that is that it just seems awfully convenient and thus lacking proper consideration. Yet the question remains regarding this idea of sadism by Vonnegut which I prefer to think of in Emersonian terms of INSTIGATION. It all comes down to the idea of the best way to engage the reader, introducing some level of pain (the higher the better as this proportionately means a greater or lesser degree of attention) to which everything else one says follows more or less effectively or not at all.

One person doesn't mean individual, but could also mean stereotype I think, do you?

Cutting to the chase, was not quite as vivified as I remember intending it to be prior to my opening words today in writing this story. These things are on me then to make a difference next time around. Opening must be a rush of pertinence minimally ... if I do nothing else, I can have fun with that and see if you agree on the next level manifesting as ordered.

9/21/2011 rjduberg

New Illustration Series - Terp Model