Healing Code

AT some point there is always a call for putting one's records of the past back together in order and well stacked.  Here is a call to an issue I have for health while I deal with ESRF. Been on dialysis for a year now. Been on a waiting list for 180 days. The road to getting a transplant done is not clearcut or simple by any stretch of the imagination. For the last 3 years I've pretty much been dominated by the wild fires in this domain of my life. But I'm finding some breathing room now and my intellectual insight and understanding is beginning to reflect some expansion and evolution.

I've got to give credit to friends in my life that matter: Stephanie, Colleen, Mom, John, Billy, Evelyn, Heidi, Trayvon, as well as my sister.


Integrity

Integrity is the shining star
blazing a path for the spiritual
to fix and maintain the joy
it is our higher self we call
May yours come to mind
so that recognition plays
front and center today
there's no time to waste.


Fighting exhaustion is not good when trying to ascend and evolve, whatever ...

Here is the repository of a new and quite significant change in my ontology. The subjectivity is still there. More than anything today was a moment when consciously relaxing that I was suddenly in the presence of an ex-girlfriend named Stephanie. And I suddenly recognized what it was about her that was so valuable to me at certain moments of vulnerability. She's got the best mom vibe I've ever witnessed.

Thanks Steph..xoxo

Some reflective composing...

Appearing arbitrary are these bounds
coming in and out of a veiled backstage
in streaming movements weaving
chaos out of order and order out of chaos.

What other possible purpose could apply
comprehending the relativity of the present
squeezing the entire flow down to a drop
and then we quench our thirst from that?

It's never enough, and how could it be?
as we try and drink our fill from a dream
while the raging torrent of the stream is
all around us, ourselves, lush fluidness.

The drip drop little squeeze was hard work
and who in their right mind can fathom
how the reverse allows for the gush of us
We're clearly machines at our core.

Nothing to build in the radiance sought
But the cost is our ability to tolerate
a friction and discomfort as we cogitate
learning how so much of life is mechanical.

The beginning is always short and small
A process that grows and grows wetter now
cooling and extinguishing the fires of hell
we replace ignorance with visions of reality.

rj

Noise in the First

The noise has to always hiss
during the greatest peak here
of changing the changing ray
where nashing grinds IT to dust.

My engine racing, wind bracing
speed blazing ... a synchronized
inside concert hall constrains
our vibrations moving infinitely.

The divine source, muse sings
a sound that lifts my heavy heart.
I am surrounded by nothing big now...
except a noisey crowd at the curve.

I expect another Goddess to know
a Crash Surprise from nowhere
on a day of days smelling of bliss
her lovely music, blessing, and grace.

1/2016 rjduberg

These Times Reached

Daily reductions, so annoying, a brutal evil it seems
lay down all your arms, and witness how little
your world pays attention to what matters, no reach
this is an insideous defeat notwithstanding irony
Shadows by ego, value to conform, entropy.  

Dig in then ... poetry asks too much I say.
In good with a serious muse, and writing love
in so many urgent and different musical ways.
Arising in a Great Symballic Crash
and a war against war, echo of irony.

These times and their overall rush is good reminisce.
while these times are specifically different
The remedy of language is in a long focus
balanced with a short one, makes us an ascendency.
Through language this portal reigns in higher consciousness.

The real entryway is hidden behind an understanding.
It isn't enough to know something or even know of it.
Yet, without such linguistic referents we're also reduced.
One begets the other, as understanding follows, so distinct.
Romantic blossoms here, tho' most fall in and down, sadly.

So easy for most not to even get this far, part of the Construct.
One success will bring a desire to make homage to "God".
This pink cloud is a spiritual distraction, highly addicting
And really of no use without extracting the higher lesson.
Never quit, never stop, know thyself - by your reach, ascend.

© 2/2014 rjduberg

Cosmological Vibration Wave Form

A lot has happened since I last wrote last. I just reviewed the Teahupoo Big Wave Rides in slow motion. Aside from the purely aesthetic visual impression one takes in, from the cosmological perspective  (defined as an integration of everything inbetween the Highest and the Lowest), the wave is a terrestial form which is elemental and on a planetary level. Compared to what we normally refer to as vibration, which we energetically feel with frequencies and magnitudes orthogonal to the next higher octave, our planet. This is an example of cosmological perspective used as a context for making inter-level connectinos. I guess what made it really special was the gravity associated with the Teahupoo wave. Along with its extreme magnitude on its cosmological level, are the ordinary interference waves which are still clearly present, except that the influence from them is infinitesimal leaving one's focus PURELY on the IDEAL being manifested TEMPORALLY (also known as Temporary).


Another instance to illustrate or add another level's fractal piece to the IDEAL can be witnessed in nuclear fission/fusion. Now there is another elemental wave form, cosmologically on a level higher than the planetary, which is our sun. YET, nevertheless, part of logic is the categorical connections, categorical meaning unique and unitary. In this case we're talking about vibration and wave forms, and I can think of no better fractal or cosmological angle than teahupoo's waves (vibrations) which belong to our planet to express difference in order of magnitude. Same thing, Vibration, can express itself quite unique different between orders of magnitude. The question then is what is it that allows us to make these abstract connections which give us leverage cosmologically? Called As Above, so as Below.

So back to your reply...  Put her words in perspective because she certainly isn't doing much contextualizing of her remarks. Why is that important? Part of the focus that is achieved by including the context for your words, just immediately means enhanced understanding and a decreased incidence of interpretative work required. Thus one speaks English as a rule here in America, and Spanish in Mexico. Ok, you say fine, as obvious as your example was isn't Love just as obvious and the proper perspective for her statements?

Well if it was, she made an awful lot of judgements about it didn't she. And, I assert dualistic reasoning is like that, in which someone creates a shadow to their presence and expression. Maybe you don't feel it, but when I was reading what she wrote, I actually felt a weight or pull from below having to do with part of the context present which is not Love but Dualism. That level of intellectual thinking and awareness, and the things she said only really matter if you're resonant with being told the way YOU ARE YOURSELF by mistake, your mistake. The truth of Love is that it exists on a higher level.

This capacity we have for our higher selves to actually meet our lower selves decently and gracefully is where all twisted knots in one's baggage get resolved and undone. That is just another way of describing non-dual awareness and thought. It's all about being with the shadow of dualism in order to integrate the opposition.

The conclusion here is hopefully not being overstated. Your Gal's words represent a mental angle in which one's relationship to love by virtue of one's expressing oneself tenatively, reflects a work in progress in search of true self-respect and sovereignty. When one finds the truth of one's sovereignty (ask me how one does that?), the language one uses UNFOLDS and like a flower blossom, is LOVE expressing ... well, the existence of true love. As often heard associated to Zen, those who don't know speak, those who know keep silent.

- Part of an email response to my friend Colleen.

Desire Realigning, by Mervyn Brady

So rein in desire, do not desire----better sunshine, more food and turn your Eros to the Soul.  

The Greeks said that Eros gives wings to Psyche (the Soul).  

I say desire and its realigning is a most potent weapon in the arsenal of the true Philosopher.  

 It is interesting to sit down and really ask, what am I doing with my Eros?  

Christian morality messed with this one and connected Eros and Desire with the outlawed sexual functions?  

William Blake makes many references to Desire, of its proper uses.  

Do not just say the words and expect something to happen.  

Tomorrow morning your machine will wake up again--- what do you desire?? 

Desire to change, see what happens.  

This is the secret…  Using the energy of Desire, to be present. 

~Mervyn J. Brady

What I have to put up with ....

The Hard Shell of Imminence


I did not want to hear
Those words about it
Inevitable but hidden away
as sure as today is tonight, but not
as day is to night, death is to me.

It has thought me alive
Not otherwise as I believe
Until now, speaking with one I love
My first thoughts wept tears of loss
Crushing the hard shell of imminence.

This is only the beginning.

© 03/25/2004, RJDuberg

Arriving Home tonight after a good 5 mile cycle

Home Court Advatage - Imperial Beach

POETRY: Balance

Balance Where the song's beat is both fun and simple in practice making conscious a continuum range's spectral in-flux, proceedings are exercises in error recovery that's valid where there's no doubt that your head is calm and still. The essence of this infinity mirrors eternity, space/energy Why I ever thought that still point of thought, was poetry had more to do with how little life seemed aware, messy for such a singleminded obsessive focus over the details. 11/2013, rjd

POETRY: Listening in

Listening In

Ignorance obscures divine will
Necessary for integrity, honor, 
Ordinary world, machine culture - designed to stop Will - descendent path
seeing us playing the game, 
to Will, playing the game through us. 

Gurdjieff, a proud ancestor, he says
in fresh understandable jargon, his words
My Numen Will is a space of sovereignty

Free from the Exoteric 
a subject just as important
Study of delusion 
& spells of subservience

Hostile Anarchy still the option 
to avoid by all means possible
if it means delaying evolution
until... the next evolution
then…

My Girl Warrior - Jones

Don't Let the Warm Fuzzy Coat fool ya!

Waiting for Shiva

Have you ever woken up in the morning feeling empty—without the energy to make decisions or carry out a plan you made last night?
 
This morning I slept late for no reason, couldn’t get myself going, not even to meditate or do qigong. It was only after I dragged myself through breakfast and set off to the market that I realized my problem wasn’t with the body. It was with the heart. I was empty of feeling, perhaps depressed. That’s a very serious situation, a life challenge like no other. Who can function without feeling?
 
Happily, my state of tension and fear was eased once I recognized what was wrong. I felt somewhat better, even as the sense of emptiness remained. What to do? I went about my morning duties in a listening mode, inquiring of my heart what the rest of me could do to help.
 
In such a situation, an analogy can be very helpful: From the Hindu point of view, I am Shakti here below, waiting for Shiva. When will he come to waken her, curled up asleep at the center of my Being? When will her heart be gladdened by a ray from his sun, just what is needed to illumine and warm my heart? No idea. But, for the moment I know my job—to wait like a hunter for the slightest indication of his appearance.
 
How do you wait like a hunter? Many years ago, I heard a distinguished Frenchman, Henri Tracol, explain it to an unhappy man who didn’t like waiting. Perhaps the man was empty or depressed like me today. Perhaps he simply longed to understand why, although he’d spent many years trying to make a new beginning, to get rid of the things in himself he didn’t like, the change he longed for just didn’t come about. M. Tracol sat looking at him thoughtfully for a few minutes. Then he said: “You must wait. But you can wait like a hunter. A hunter will stand behind a tree or sit behind a rock for many hours, as still as the landscape, waiting for his prey to appear.”
 
Not so easy! To wait like a hunter I must learn to sit very still, to take control of my squirming or lax body so it can be still and yet very alive, ready to act instantly when the time comes. Knowing myself as I do, it sounds like that could take a long time! But the time won’t be wasted if it’s in the name of my deepest wish: The wish to know myself and to grow into the person I was born to be.
 
How to wait in front of the Unknown? What can I do, face to face with illness or loss or the Next Big Step in my life. While such challenges can give me opportunity for musing, for thinking about stuff, thinking is not enough. Unless I’m alert, like the six wise virgins, I may miss the chance to connect with a new thread in the fabric of my life.
 
We do a lot of waiting. Life’s like that. I wait for the bus or train, for the boss to give me a raise, for my own true love to find me, for the end of something that may actually be a new beginning. Which job should I take, which road should I travel to get where I think I want to go? Where do I really want to go?
 
And we often wait in the darkness. For help. For light. There’s a deep need to understand what’s going on in the world and in myself. Why are things the way they are? Why do terrible things happen to those I love? Why do good people do bad things? What should I do next?
 
I have a choice. Waiting can be boring or fraught with possibilities, it’s up to me to wait like a hunter. Awakening to the presence of Shiva might bring me a new approach to an old task, a new response instead of my habitual reactions, or a tentative new openness to whatever may come.
by

A few shots of Mavericks and Teahupoo

ooof!

any difference?

Riding Energy

    

I love this photograhy

Celebrate Now

Hi again

Everybody wants to hear
the sound that loves them
music for one, transcends
when the heart enjoys

resonation  deep in -
A medallion of calm
turns chaos to contrast
the celebration of life.

Nov 201, rj

Your money or your life?

A friend recently retorted why worry about it? He was refering to money and how it supposes to represent a person's wealth, but beyond that he could only admit to worrying about it on personal survival level at best. Good reasons for this, and yet quite beyond the pall of the mainstream at least. Why worry about it? It's not necessary to worry and one can even do away with it altogether and live life as an arhat, a wondering or reclusive eastern monk adorned with a piece of thread to for cover and a bowl to receive the charity society designates is sufficient in his/her presence.

For the rest of us that are participating on the wheel of samsara still, it's so interesting that even while we are all doing this together as one, it is only by bringing our corporeal existence to bear in coordindation with others that our life continues to exist and have a future. If this is true, why are we still operating individually. Perhaps the Rights which are protected by our USA may have finally reached their expiration date? But I am getting way ahead of myself, and money is a far more sexier and urgent necessity which I can literally feel pushing me right now, despite all creeds stating the truth to be otherwise.

Thus, our perception of others "wealth" accounts for the veracity of our ordinary lives, an orderliness that without being policed and maintained would uncover mankind's less social and civilly minded impulse's involving fear and aggression, violence and flight. This is a rather esoteric perspective because for the most part wealth and currency are simply misundertood entirely with the first incorrect belief being that money and wealth, the tokens that symbolize power, are scarce and 2nd that money is something living in something called banks. As my friend seemed to allude, money has meaning only in so far as a community or group of communities share that meaning.

However, he mentioned that its definition is based on the perceived wealth of others. I would challenge that for so many reasons. First of all the thought that money is imaginary itself is simply laughable. I know that what you meant to say was that by itself it has no intrinsic meaning or value, but to call the magnitude of money represented by very real digits circulating throughout societies banking systems as imaginary ... well, my man, that simply defies intelligent thought. Add to all of this the international banking community and its warehousing and redistribution of money in ways which profoundly distort and corrupt that value and such attitudes towards represent its speciifc limit on the return.

With all of our trite and impoverished ways of relating to money, defining ourselves by it instead of the truth which has always been its basis in tokenship, or the truth of our lives being defined by negotiation and substitution. Thus money is defined rightfully as a magnitude attached to a contract between men in which the value of money is an exchangeable commodity having universal applications, such that with my 2 cents in hand I can in a pinch trade them for a pencil I forgot to bring with me on my trip downtown to write poetry in the Museum's Plaza or along the harbor-side.

Reforming the financial institutions of our world is something which we can no longer avoid, because they no longer court higher thought and science, but have become demigods for those who roam those halls, and the principle message is he with the most toys wins or something along those lines.

What is so annoying is that we haven't even gotten to the point of having suggestions floating around necessary to augur our immediate future and our ability to pay for it.

IN closing ... please do not hold money at fault, although how easy is that to do? I've done it. Rather, see the real and vast need still very much present and growing in life for us to recreate our cultural schemes surrounding finance, which begin to show up as energetically supporting life (as in producing a belief called abundance instead of scarcity. The truth is twisted so far up into its own anus out of our perspective on money that it is not even funny. A change in perspective here however will express itself appropriately as a profound change in worldly perspective altogether, especially after money becomes abundant with the divine values of which every man born is endowed with. Yes, abolishing slavery was a magnificent and revolutionary step in this direction, but we almost killed everyone in the process and with all due respect to Lincoln seeing the war through on principle. The idea of human life Representing a Monetary Value has yet to be cleared from our collective consciousness or mercenaries would be a thing of the past, the most lucrative business in the past decade. 

You laugh, and I am here to say stop that.

Feels like a Sunday Morning to me for some reason, LOL.

Now addressing the younger Bush president of security at the White House I need to drop off old CD and pu Groceries and pu cinema from Greg

Enlightenment, Mystery and Perspective

The Mystery, still unseen, kills
The trick is getting your benefit
while leaving the beast to rest

Alright then, with respect to my own highest ideals regarding spiritual life, in particular, the one I refer to as Tantric, a yoga that at present is a meditation on affirming the power of affirmation through engagement (often recognized as postive reinforcement or acknowledgement and compliment).

And then again, not losing hold of the integral force of mind, but rather ... using it to vector our lives more precisely to our only purpose in this life which is as Swami Chinmayananda in Self-Unfoldment said "...Life principle supporting them all, the unchanging factor of all life. The enlightened being is one who has chosen this highest principle as his ideal and has dedicated all his activities to it."  So far so good, until he speaks of the state of enlightenment existing without emotionality, in some unsaid and subtlley implied logic, the Swami has stepped over a number of crucial points which together define the foundation of enlightenment for the human mind.

If one looks, emotionality is at the very heart and source of our attention. Quicker than any other functionality in man, most negative expressions of emotionality or simply false and old scripts and programming we clung to as children. The real truth to what he wants to say has to be a creative expression of how emotion actually allows us to perceive our lives as particularly human.

Without exasperating those listening, this quote by the Swami obviously leaves a bit to be desired. Mark S.G. Dyczkowski insightful remarks take on this task quite eloquently to the next level, keeping level and balanced with the mysteriousness of it all whether we're speaking of enlightenment or ignorance, but definitely corresponsponding who we are with that mysterious source yet providing an integral for this to evolve into a realtion to attention that allows us to be AUTHENTIC to whatever the truth is NOW.

Mark wrote, "Once we have overcome the negative forces that arise from our ignorance and prevent us from abiding in ourselves, we are liberated. To do this, we must penetrate through the pulsing fluctuations of objectively experienced states and perceptions at the surface level of consciousness and gain insight into the timeless rhythm of our own nature manifest in the universal arising and falling away of all things."

I give him kudos for his effort but not for anything significant in terms of a result. One could sum up all he has to say in the words The Enlightenment Gain. But wait, just when and how did the lower creep into this intellectual work? By being hidden behind a barney (if I am only admitting to yet being incorrect once again regarding a statement analysis by Regis which has to do with words being presented for their strength and specific flavor yet clearly having a signpost which is called the barney (?) in which such statements' truth is dependent on some degree of mystery which is rather an excuse to use those words instead of acknowledging that we no longer are empowered by them.

Before moving onto Sri Aurobindo, sit for a moment and contemplate Mark's continuing words as he writes, "To do this, we must penetrate through the pulsing fluctuations of objectively experienced states and perceptions at the surface level of consciousness and gain insight into the timeless rhythm of our own nature manifest in the universal arising and falling away of all things." Does the expression timeless rhythm really mean anything at all. If you check your dictionaries you'll find that it does not. It's like ascribing a certain attribute found and useful as a distinction in the world of fluid dynamics to solids. Feels close intuitively, and yet so far from our being able to articulate ourselves as such.

Sri is yet another evolution on this story which I will not include in this attack except to say that it ought to be clear on reading him how emotional he is and how important emotionality is to a man/woman'a ability to perceive. I think for my part at this juncture I will only submit this one correction to the overall perspective of enlightenment. I wrote of this recently in a poem titled The Mystery, and in the 2nd strophe wrote…

I have a destiny with a dragon
The Mystery, still unseen, kills
The trick is getting your benefit
while leaving the beast to rest.
 
Here in the west we want the ultimate reduction and a bank to deposit it in WITH INTEREST. We live constrained by our culture with so much ignorance and lack of perspective on life if only because we simply aren't even close to as smart as we would like to think we are.

I do think however, that I've reached a small jumping off point with respect to the prime ideal of life which we want to call enlightenment. We have to transcend culture, first by exposing ourselves to mankind's other cultures, and then by integrating and synthesizing the best of what we want. And succeeding in doing that brings us flat up against the wall. From here we can go no further, why? Because the process that got us this far in its neo-enlightened, integral, nonjudgmental, discerning, visionary, committed, philosophic thought represents the mind and the condition which is itself exclusionary to the truth.

Desire, the shroud and veil, prevents us from evolving ourselves timelessly. That leaves us only yoga as a viable hope towards fully realizing consciously Truth, Beauty, and Justice. Every desire exists out of the web of beliefs which make up our collective world views, except for those pertaining only to ourselves as individuals in the world. So there is that platitude in the process where one gives up or lets go of desire not because its right or intrinsic to attainment but because we have discovered how fundamentally it separates us from the Truth that ALL IS.  Funny though how this moment doesn't provide the level of breakthrough and enlightenment one would certainly consider possible given how fundamentally the condition of grasping, clinging, and needing prevents any nearness or taste of enlightenment whatsoever. Include the yogi platitude on the essential meaningless and emptiness of life as yet another major milestone however one that does not catapult one any further, but more or less just brings one to the point in which they stop believing in their own bullshit just as much as the rest. Life becomes peaceful and clear at this level of consciousness, and yet does this imply enlightenment?

I am called to return to the notion that one's desire to be enlightened ITSELF is enlightenment. In order to want this metaphysical liberty from illusionary egotism, is both the degree one might be said to be empowered to attain that state in the first place, and for a few who have come before me, there is clearly an artifact produced one might call the gift of the state of enlightenment, a teaching and a reaching out to humanity with a message for those who can hear to guide them on this path leading the soul out of the darkness of ignorance and into the purity of light which the truth shines infinitely.

a negate of a negated negation,
never gets the real truth, and yet
there's another energy transfer
labyrinths are key symbols for.
 
The next strophe I wrote was an attempt to acknowledge something of the heart of the desire which fulfills without fulfilling, that bath of paradoxical quagmire, wherein we are constantly challenged by our own mechanical responses entrained towards a dualistic structured society keeping our evolved engagement quite surreal until complete.