The following is a copy of an exchange I had with Mark Lewis today about our friend Mr. Nietzsche and what he said, quoted, which I do not have context reference for ...

Robert Duberg Please explain

Mark Michael Lewis what do you think it means Robert?

Robert Duberg Not being so familiar with Nietzsche's thinking, I would have to make an assumption(s). But, going strictly on semantics here the whole idea seems to turn on the expression "...to face what he already knows." To understand this ACT in light of his view that "Even the most courageous...only rarely has the courage..." would imply facing what one already knows to be something very remarkable (as you clearly think so by publishing this quotation) and accessible only by a kind of courage expressed by an extraordinary few of those of us who could be said to be courageous already. Thus, if we were to juxtapose these two dimensions of courage and self-exploration, it really isn't courage which is the focus of this statement is it? Except, it is exactly courage which is necessary to open this particular inward act of recognition. He's saying something about the ACT of acquring Ontological Knowledge as well as maintaining it. is my best guess estimate. And your statement about the water being warm is a comment addressing the interior landscape where this knowledge exists and is so acquired. However, I don't see how your comment adds anything to the reality and in fact, misses the point; which is not about fear, in my view, but rather ignorance.

Robert Duberg Shall I continue, or have I gone off the rails sideways already? LOL

Mark Michael Lewis Sounds good to me.
I am of the opinion that fear is most often ignorance in disguise. Ignorance about our innermost processes is (Freud took after Nietzsche here) part and parcel of human awareness. The water is warm, but it still might be shocking. And, if you freak out, you still might choke or even drown. And, that is either a turn on or a danger signal, or both - depending on your style. smile emoticon

Robert Duberg LOL ... well, I'd rather not get melodramatic about it, that won't help anything, regardless of style. But, if so good so far then I will continue, yes? Unless, you want to take a stab (LOL) at the idea of innermost process and apply it here in practical manner? I think keeping the water out of it will make things clearer since we've clarified the focus to innermost process or knowledge, yes or no?  Or, you're right on the money and the fear your speaking about is the ignorance I'm speaking about which for me, both have to do with facing inward FURTHER, OR IE having the understanding that what we know is NEVER true but a certain level of interpretation and application (our own personal heuristic if you will) that can be refined over any expansion of consciousness and awareness we attain. The reality here regarding the courage is that of being ready to let go of our own identity and sense of person in order to refine, update, acquire a higher truth of said Self. Yay or nay? Am I on the right track? See, I say there are more possibilities than what we're speaking about being a turn on or a threat or both, and this is where I would depart from Nietzsche I guess or you, in that there's more to going inward further than courage or style, at least as far as you have qualified style.  It would really be cool to know the context from which this excerpt of his was taken. I don't suppose you have it do you?

I concluded with this .... "I just heard the coolest quote from Hemingway, "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man, true nobility means being superior to your former self."

I will add to this as Mark chooses to.

More on Intro to Journal


Oct 30, 2015    -     Journal Startup
(Creative Statement - Hanz Pen TC titles, optima pro footnote, Sathu)
This is the official kick off. I am sliding on my ass into home, bringin it to you and in you in me.  There have been so many different enlightenments and this journal is being undertaken not only to allow others to understand these skews in life and above but to hopefully not forget this myself. Many things have already happened, even while I am habitually the last one to get anything, I can be very slow in the uptake. The first thing I want to talk about are semantics with an aim for you to not just get what its about, but to actually shift in such way your study of semantics will extend in this moment into your life and inform you as you relate what is occurring in ways unseen by others but nonetheless a great benefit to them. Making this happen in you - is my current semantics project. Dedicated entirely in having you be fully you, independently; but, I understand how bored I am with this narrative so have patience with me since I'm really pullin up roots and stakes and preparing take ride towards and maybe through to the other side. Not trying to escape my life, or my karma, or any personal obligations. I fully intend to remain here and available as I continue to make my way towards the exit, LOL

To accomplish this you’ll see me keep a running total or summary like this:

1. Making This Happen in You []: A semantics overview of dynamic narrative invention.  By getting into the specific details of how we speak, how we commuicate what we speak or how we speak, semantics will expand as  dynamic field of meaning itself as connections between how we communicate and what we communicate continue to accumulate and set themselves against and with one another. The result of having a full functioning AND dynamic cognitive lexicon along with its unique and constantly modified parlance, has mostly to do with, the eventual realization that with the expansion of our semantics connection came some greater access to higher conscious dimensions of being. This starts first with connections being unitary, then comes binary, dualism and dichotomies. Up until this place, it was in general as simple as only flatland can be, boring, static. Every subtle possibility that lived for some but not all, in relation to any new obeject or idea, the desire was mangled and twisted with every new nuanced version of the first, and we have endeavored to record as much ass possible and keep it organized  Values begin here but what this primarily is a record of is my giving you models of exchange and improvisation which communicate the dynamic not the format or form. What gets things happening in this paradigm have nothing to do with recording however; and THAT IS THE MAIN REASON TO ESTABLISH THE INSTITUION. An organization dedicated to keeping my research and other more serious activities in order, clean, and safe. 

1.  Making This Happen in You! - Code book regarding

2.  Maintaining my Self inwardly Without - 

     Employing intermissions and breaks to take  care of obligations.  Timed Structure and interval. Focus shifts into MAINT paradigm where obligations concerning the body and its needs.

3.  What Matters?

     My breakthrough with Alison’s crude, fashionable but pedestrian, sexist joke, and its innocence constrained by peer pressure, neurosis, and illness; issues forth...
    The primary difference in pinning down intent, allowed me to shift my focus from a decidedly unattractive result to feminine karma. Move to humor.
    Aley sun’s joke was from, and founded on a youthful parlance I couldn’t hear or begin to appreciate by reading a transcript of her self-expression.
    Trust demands that I listen and find in my listening that view where what is occurring feels reliable, and deserves to have emphasized principle at least. It's at this time, intimacy happens and other very positive alchemistries.

4.  The Riddle - Value Narration to What Matters ;-)

     This riddle is not semantic/auditorial, and its humor is pulled from my breakthrough in understanding my niece Aley sun. 
     Where she spoke in order to make fun of a sexist aspect to one of her age group’s memes, she left out names and focused on shining light.
     Her result was something of a riddle hiding various views with respect to subtle shifts away from the general into the shadows we find.
     Studying and being deeply involved, wherever; creates risk of having such logic dominate, become active on its own without notice.
     Like being lipsynched by one of a band of drunken children over to sleepover which you expect will be anything but as promised.
             

Fuckin List

1. Making This Happen in You!
2. Making Myself inwardly with out.
3. What Matters.
4. The Riddle.

Intermission/Break current STOP

Section 2    (Imagined Possibilites)
Organize/Keep your lists - Constructs your Book/Narrative
Making Teamwork - Collaboration
Moving to Location that works
Incubation -  Synthesizing Brand, strengthening weave and interconnectedness

Intermission/Break
 
Section 3    (Imagined Possibilities 2)
What you don’t know but will learn - New Knowledge
Orchestrating Climax - Relationships
Emergency Medicine
Meditation
Music
Parenting/Coaching

Section 4    (Deeper Layers Paradigm)
Desires
Talent
Zone Consciousness
Competition
Humor

Projects:    Evolve Social Network (Test case: new masculinity group in fB) Coding, Programming,
                   Write My Book, First Book (Medicine, Meditation, Philosophy, Music, Poetry, Dance, Fiction)
            

Principle:  Eliminate Instant Gratification. You have to stop instant gratification from influencing or changing one’s behavior.
    In order to build anything of value and esteem of and in one’s life, we pursue goals in the future. The implication is that higher and better gratification can be had indirectly but not instantaneously. The modification of one’s desires must be complete and thorough with Yogic precision and power dynamically holding space. You work and play and rest by first working to organize these paradigms, working/acting in them, enjoying and observing relevance.

Journal Intro
Acknowledgments 
Next generation Humor

Yesterday, I got in a tussle with Alison, due to my not having much listening for her generation I guess. 20 years old, studying at NYU, which is kind of in the rough part of town (it might be??), carries on with her friends in an overexaggerated Goth, "Don't fuck with me!" act.  Girl has some rather Ironic elements forming her narrative to be sure. Anyway, I finally realized after getting some advice from online, that I missed her joke, which could be determined by how everyone was speaking to a different Alison. They were agreeing but they weren't. Well, I had been so jaded by the content and how sexist and ill it was I was missing those other in retrospect rather loud signals to put some attention on it, but I didn't. So it wasn't until someone got really up into my face that I had enough anchor to look more deeply at what I thought I had nailed down. 

Clearly, I have a lot to learn on keeping open. Working on one's beliefs is and uberimportant achievement worth more than the vast majority of other important goals.  Well, I can feel myself digressing so I'll skip to the end and just report that despite any negative assessment Alison has about me, at least my opinion of her had jumped signficantly, I no longer am worried about her attitude (thank god for that ), and all the other concurrent and symbioltic values in my being tho maybe some distance from the epicenter of this latest confusion on my part. 

Today, John is 62, I think. Our sister responded to my reminder by saying, "So What."  She's signaling to me that it's OK for me to NOT care for our brothers. She's doing that unique sense of humor pretending to be negative but simply covering up some rather long term ambivalencies where are brothers are concerned. That was yet another wake call, in which I was surprised by the way she's always been about our brothers before??  No reason for her to change now and in fact, she remained in character.  But only last night did I taste how bitter it is.

I thought she and I were succeeding in clearing our relationship as of late. And while the truth is I love my sister, when things get this wonky I'm convince time is short and maybe even already gone. 

Started really enjoying writing and spent the entire night gambling and writing, gambling and writing, no sex, no fun, no rock n roll, and no woman. I'm beginning a journal I hope will morph itsrelf into a bestseller someday. I'm still scanning my own desire and where I want to place my attention. But if i'm loyal to writing in it, It should be a very interesting memoir.

Morning is getting pretty hot and slim.

Rather warm here in Imperial Beach today, and me looking rather old in my greybeard.

My Personal Graphic of the GeneKeys triad sequence

Reading GeneKeys and the triad relationship between Shadow - Gift - Siddhi, I found myself spontaneously creating this drawing using an online tool at http://wheelof.com/sketch/ which I consider a nice like creative gift to help me focus on this aspect of the Keys.

On Feelings

Observe/notice that you hold onto a superstition that having the feeling of attraction and longing requires you to act on it in some way as false. Understand that feelings are NOT in any way shape or fashion moments that have to be expressed by some action. That would be the definition of reaction. Recognize always that you have a choice and that your choices have consequences. Then choose wisely.

Imperial Beach Twilight Session

The Right Worldview
 
Have you ever looked around in life and had a hard time finding anything right with the world? How many times in life have you had to stop yourself from whinning or complaining when it did no good. How many situations, people, things, places, events, injustices, crimes, opinions, fashions, tunes, sayings, creeds, prejudices, programs, decisions, changes of all kinds … in your life, just ain’t right? The question nobody seems to be asking is what to do about all this craziness in life. Why do we have such a hard life? Where this, that, and every other thing ain’t right? And then there are those people in your life who seem unfazed by the chaos, content, and unmoved? They’re not right. Some appear to rise above it, engaging passionately in some greater mission which at least generates something that is right in their lives. Thus, we really need to have our own self-correcting worldview of what’s right.

I can no longer ignore or avoid what’s not right in my world. The pile of instances of what’s not right has reached overwhelmingly into the sky and is blocking out the sun. When you cannot go through your day and find something right with it, you are in trouble. I know some people who are on fire with what is not right and they don’t even have a clue because they’re so busy fighting and resisting it. Myself, I am tired of watching people burn, myself included. 
 
The importance of being able to find what’s right with your world is primary. Because the alternative is illness, feeling ill, queasy, sickness. More important than anything else is having positive anticipation, hope, looking forward to your day with a smile and a happy thought. And all that is based on being able to find what’s right with your world. If you can’t do that, you might as well shoot yourself in the head. 
 
So let’s look at the question What *IS* right in your world? I tend to feel good about something if I get its integrity. This is to say, when something presents itself as what it holds itself out to be, then I have the space to be satisfied with it. Today, was a rather windy warm day here in Southern California. A fire erupted up around the Cajon Pass on Interstate 15 and because the fuel was so dry this fire spread with such ferocity and speed that it just ripped across the Interstate putting numerous cars and tractor trailers on fire. The view from the sky, where you could see all kinds of people hiking away from the fire and their vehicles, which now were ablaze. Well, the short of this scene, was there wasn’t anything right about it. 
 
Having your vehicle catch fire and putting you on the side of freeway on foot, that ain’t right. Those people, when they entered the onramp to the freeway had no inkling of what was about to rain fire down upon their heads. Wildfire is nature’s way of cleaning up the trash, the rubbish, the refuse. Accumulate to much of it and a fire will bring it to ash. So, what isn’t right in this scene. We can’t say it’s the fire, because nature is fine. We’ll get nowhere if we start winning and complaining about nature being herself, right? 
 
What we’re dealing with here is a need for systems thinking. The interstate is part of a system which interfaces with nature. This interface was not maintained and so when nature erupted with fire, the interstate became a victim to its destructive force. And, one of the principles in systems thinking is integrity. The integrity of a system is its independence or self-sustaining features, and that it function the way one would expect it to. It’s important to note that there are unanticipated benefits to integrity that could be inspiration for exclaiming that something is right. If using a certain medication treats a condition successfully without negative side effects, one could be motivated to say that drug was right. Another medication made to treat the same condition but having a side effect of having your hair fall out - well, that drug ain’t right, right? 
 
Things that are and do and present themselves the way in which they’re purported or expected to allows for an experience of satisfaction and this in turn expresses a level of being or vibration in us which propagates outward among others.

Notes - Erhard, The Heart of the Matter

Everyday concerns

What kind of being is a human being?
What is the possibility for being for human beings?

—> Questions aren’t about looking good

What is the practical value, what is the impact that these issues have for us?
What is the correlation with these issues and our Everyday way of being and concerns in life?

Erhard’s method: Transformation

The Domain: Being
An inquiry in being in the domain of being

Not designed to produce answers or solutions, or a prescription for living.
In the process of this inquiry insights show up that dramatically impact the quality of our lives.

Insights don’t show up as answers, but as actual openings, or a space for being, a sense of freedom, or a being empowered in your everyday being in the world and your everyday concerns

Thinking that’s gotten us to where we are is insufficient to solving the problems of where we are. - Einstein

Working on what you don’t know: Ask questions to get answers to expand what you know

This is not about what you know, your opinion …

It’s about what you don’t know that you don’t know. Very few people know anything about what they don’t know that they don’t know.

What Werner Knows:

The kind of question, relationship with what we don’t know. Finding out is not much of value, when you begin to deal with what you don’t know that you don’t know. Asking questions, doesn’t work. Asking questions to get the answer isn’t powerful in dealing with what you don’t know that you don’t know.

There is a way to question or be with the question which is appropriate for getting at what you don’t know that you don’t know.

You don’t pose the question to get an answer, but to stand inside of as in a space and look out from to the whatever is the world to look out to.

Uncharted waters that may not be like water or act like water.

From which to stand, looking inside out, an moving from space to space still in the question.

To get to this stand, one needs to be willing to do violence to what we identify with and what we know.

We’re trained to listen for answers. This is about freedom and power, not about getting better, reducing the risk that life is by getting answers or solutions or prescriptions.

We’re here rather to conduct a special inquiry.

We are a psychological interpretation, a set of assessments … This is not about that.

The domain is being, not psychology, or history, or biology.

Authenticity:  We abhor the thought, we’re committed to looking good.
    We showed up in the commitment to looking good.
    We are inauthentic about being inauthentic. We are a cover up for our own inauthenticity
        Thus—> The need for violence.


Getting permission to be with one’s own inauthenticity, be in the clearing of the question, and get beyond what we think or believe and be in the question, looking out to see what you can see.

Superstitions are only powerful when they’re not superstitions, when they’re an *IS*, are so …

Superstitions determine the options in which people live. Recognizing a superstition neutralizes the *IS* and gives a person more and more freedom to be and live.

The you that you are is a superstition.  The *I* you speak when you say *I* think, is a superstition.

We are that we are the *I* that is pointed to in I think or I feel.

Human being was here before we showed up, already had a scope of possibility. Maybe human being is using us. We showed up in human being, and it is using us, it already was, a thrust, a scope, a definition, a certain set of options. And those options are using us.

    There are thoughts, there is thinking, consider the possibility that it isn’t you thinking.
    *IT* thinks and you have the thoughts.
    “One of things it thought up is YOU.”

What is it that the stars will move for?  That’s missing, that we don’t know that we don’t know about this issue.

Our concerns are for our own identity. Our appetites have us. Our concerns have us. Our appetites and concerns are *IT*s concerns, not my own.

The possibility of being a human being is an already set of options we showed up in. There are no possibilities, just a set of options.

There only OPTIONS in the possibility that we showed up in as Human Being.

One possibility of options.
    Begin to see why problems have not changed since beginning of time
    Options on the board we showed up in.

Our lives not determined by the circumstances but the box in which circumstances showed up in.
    The box has more power than the circumstances themselves
    Not much power in what you think.
        Tell your opinion to the stars and see if they care or not
    The box determines what you think
        Some people who are about to die, have lives richer than people who can pass physical
        Intelligent people less effective than less intelligent people due to the box

We give no thought to the box, far more to the circumstances.
    We’re unaware that we’re unaware
    We live in a structure of interpretation
        We only think what’s allowed in that set of options.

What are we being used for?  By this box that we showed up in?

Being of Human Being is survival, that is what we’re being used for, a possibility.
When you are that you are *IT* … The I in the phrase I think, I want, I
    What it’s up to is making you right and everything else wrong
    Using me to Win, justify it, invalidate anything else

If you cover up being used, you are resigned to being used
    only coming to confront our inauthenticity that *IT* thinks and we that have the thoughts

It’s a trap, resistance and avoidance is more of the trap

Lots of options, no choice. We’re thrown to a particular set of options

MOOD of RESIGNATION
 
    that environment of being which you wake up to in the morning

Observe … is their any possibility, are they thinking
    or are they really speaking out of the resignation to the options that own us.

Addiction to looking good holds the resignation in place. Our unwillingness to confront our own
    inauthenticity, making ourselves right and others wrong

Most complaints are a racket to not show up at whatever opportunity is there
    complaints help us to avoid domination
    we don’t give everything we got in relationship
    let’s us off the hook for being responsible for relationship as an opportunity.

The rackets payoff is that you get to be right
    people would rather be right than be loved or love

The Acceptance of the inauthenticity will lead to a breaking up of the Resignation that you are
    The environment of being that you wake up in the morning
     Looking good, we don’t mean it, and we know we don’t mean it
        afraid to express our own doubts for fear of not looking good

Best place to look are those places that you complain in life.

Erhard: I promise you will never get happy in life. The pursuit is an absolute guarantee against happiness.

    Life has no meaning or purpose, same as a thunderstorm
    not going anywhere like a purpose, wonderfully unpredictable
    adding meaning, we cover up inauthenticity of the being of human being
        fundamentally inauthentic, a being used by being

The being of human being is a mechanism the design which is of survival
    we can’t hear this because we think its going to work out
    it’s not going to work out, because this is it, this is the way it worked out
        if you don’t like it, too bad

The whole story in which you are a player in the script called your life, is fundamentally inauthentic
    like a thunderstorm, doesn’t mean anything
    we kick in our windshield when we have a flat, our complaining
    doesn’t mean anything that it doesn’t mean anything

The Box in which options come determines the quality of life
    the box we showed up in has no being
        no choice

can’t use the fact that its meaningless and empty, it’s empty that it’s empty
    Erhard: I say it’s a possibility to stand and look out at life.

Domains of Showing Up
    what opportunities for showing up is there?
   
    structure of concept limits and shapes our experience which reinforces the concept - viscous circle

Collapse of 2 Domains
    no distinction between what is and my representation
    between the presence and concepts in our lives
   
Restore the distinction between experience and concept

I forgot lives in a different domain of showing up than being late.

There is no difference if your late and you forgot and your late and you remembered
    our culture doesn’t make the distinction either
        it wants to know why your late

A question arises when we confront our inauthenticity
    what is the possibility of being for human beings
    asked in the environment called resignation gives more inauthenticity, survival answers

    None of the answers makes any difference
    the questioning generates a breaking open from the resignation, a sense of freedom

    instead of a given set of options, there will be a freedom to be with something constraining before.

The risk of being alive
First answer … there isn’t possibility of being for human beings.
    What we showed up in did not include being
    *IT* is only concerned with survival

If you can be with the emptiness and meaningless of life
    a thunderstorm about which we tell a story
    if you can be with the inauthenticity it becomes a clearing

Changing is something from something, we would change the situation
    except there is no possibility of being for human beings, so change won’t work
    change only alters circumstances, becomes another form of survival

Creation is something from nothing
    our whole lives is a derivative, a predicate   
    were always living into the options
    to create is to act without predicate

First you have to restore the emptiness and meaningless that you are
    Being honest about being inauthentic OPENS the possibility
   
Being cannot be evidence, there is no predicate, the possibility
    of being as itself, the stand that I am the stand that I take
    not a change
    the possibility of possibility,
        is a product of taking a stand as a clearing for that for which you stand

maybe your not the kind of meaningless which is i like, i want, i think

a clearing for life to show up in like a possibility, like something from nothing

Erhard: inviting you to take a stand that the stand that you take is a possibility or clearing for the stand you take

    live in the question, what is the possibility for being for human beings?
    not possibility of options, but being authentic about our inauthenticity
        instead of living our lives into our past and the resignation of the options using us

    a question like an opening is not to live into the resignation in which we wake up looking for an answer.

Peaceful Word

Peaceful Words

I don't think there is any harm in discussing the subject and defining what principles or principle is in fact intrinsic to what may be considered the heart of peace. A principle I have in this context is that not expressing myself forcefully upon others or rather forcing others to get what I'm saying. First of all, I don't know how I would accomplish that. The effort is allowing others to get what I have to say, thus my focus is on speaking to the listening I encounter. I always find that peaceful enough.

However, when encountering others who would force their viewpoints on me, this is the big challenge for me. And for the moment, i really don't have an answer for you on the principle means by which peace is attained in such a situation, at least one in which my soverignty is preserved. The even more difficult aspect of this is the awareness of such force harming others, which calls forth in me the impulse of protection, which is always an opportunity for recreating the possibility for peace that only exists in the moment and cannot exactly be defined outside of it.

How Shall I put this Mom?

I thought this was a great visual to spark interest in what I have to say about life regarding being a victim ...

Please can somebody understand this mess?  It makes me feel apologetic. Don't you hate being a victim of circumstance? They don't prey like predators do, they are the last thing you would suspect, and then POW. Have a nice day!

Pure Consciousness

Until a better narrative for it comes to me my position is coined in what you might call a first principle or cause, one without a second, existence. If one looks with one's being, then existence is pure and conscious. Looking with one's mind, one's illusory sensation of being separate; and, nothing is sutainable. The question regarding pure consciousness being sustainable is from my point of view being asked backwards as pure consciousness is and sustains *this* and all the rest.

Make You Famous ...

Hearing this draws the attention by importance. There are other quarters to be drawn ... but it's important ... Why does that word itself create a pull on one's attention? There is a measure there that if satisfied produces a definitive level of happiness in life. 

I think one of the most important things in this life has to do with our faith and the degree of understanding we have about faith. What is it? Why is it? What difference does it make?

For me, faith allows me to withstand the force of scepticism which is a tsunami needing a bank for the original question(s) to be fully addressed and explored. Faith allows me to continue against the odds and my own comprehension but only for the highest good and the highest knowledge and understanding. It can be really hard somtimes that demand we go past any previous point of effort, or we're simply lost and unsure or oblivious to which direction to take and/or how to take it. Faith allows me to leap, not that that is always or even rarely necessary. It has occurred and I found faith I didn't know I had at the time, fortunately.

Poetry Revised

The Talent is the Call

Bringing light into the world making possibility
for the sun's call to be heard and answered
without condition but with full recognition, love
and a talent that makes miracles like this world.

Nobody blames her, life thrives more than not.
Of that, I believe we are akin to moon shadows
Her talent is a world that loves her still, so well
even while not knowing, their being is her calling.

If I have a soulmate then as much as you, her.
And if I am sideways with you, then with her
while the weather will roar in darkest chaos
Even Gaia cannot stand love that is wasted.

Being a man requires ultimately to fight for love
against the unbearable thoughts of negation.

The cost skyrockets after so many declines
and nothing good comes in that descent.
Gaia tells me the same, a brother as well
Skewed is a little town I'm accused of visiting
when the descent bankruptcy begins to win.
This ONE TIME, my star will not so decline.
And, continue to shine, despite the wind's blister.

© 4/7/2016 revised
2-17-2011 rjduberg

Imperial Beach's Mayor, Surfer with the Wave of the Day

My Family Hubris

I still think boyish thoughts when it comes to my mother, after some 50 odd years. It's true that I still love her today like I loved her when I was a child. I still feel the same dependence from my gut, still expect to receive a soothing hand and voice for whatever bothersome nag has wrestled me down. Other family members don't like to see or deal with this and can only criticize me for being immature and in their eyes taking advantage of my mother's generous love.

The latest developments have presented me with an unbridaled passion for railing against this relationship I have with my mother. My sister and my mother's SO give me no more room alongside my elderly mom. I wish I had more wits and resources about me, instead of suffering such an outlandish disease in a legacy from dear old Dad. In the meantime, they both give me grief to no end.

Celebrating a New Donor online today with stories partying with Death

Alright now! This party is startying to swing into a real party gear!!! Since I've been on a bit of an extended break here of late, but have definitely come back prepared to parrrrrrrrrtayyyyyyy!!! Let me all entertain you with this first dance step I like to call ....

Huhhhhhhh???? (referring to Nancy's query to explore statements I've made about death .. I think...?? Not so sure.)

Paging NGR, tell me she hasn't left the party everyone, cause if there is one thing I've learned over the last month's detour which took me a real time and fashion closer to death than perhaps since '97 (don't you just love those 5 star stays at the local hospital? ooooh) ... it is that preparation for my death was not some wishful thing to say but rather a stark reality of life that being, who of us can even claim their ready regarding the event of which the most fundamental mystery of life exists in order to that she may always one heartbeat away from transforming herself all anew!!

So, raising myself off the dusty floor after that first doozy of a step let's all look to see what the questions we have about death are. I know Jivana's everyone ggl ... it's never changed and it is simply the question of whether or not we will transcend death on the physical plane and even more boldly she wants to know why the present isn't sufficient in the larger cosmological scale of things. Give her all a hand for having a clear vision and purpose relative to death on top of which she claims the mantle against the very adversarial nature which death has eternally inspired. This question whch to some extent lives in every man's heart that ever lived, she drags up into the spotlight and claims NOW as never before. I have always been so inspired by this level of courage and clarity expressed by her on the matter. I'm not so sure that I'm ready to discard the mystery yet though which I'm quite sure would need to be dislodged if her intention and desire were to finally submit to her charge.
 
OK then? Next question ... what's up with being alive on this physical plane in the first place anyway? And why am I sooooooo attached to a life that in the larger order of things appears to be analogous to living in the basement of the mansion we know as the Universe? This leads to a very cogent line of study and undersanding if one pursues it with the right spirit, that is as an opportunity to begin the preparation for the big mystery before it has even thought about you for its next show. For me this is as close to defeating the mystery as I have considered possible. To bring what ever is behind the veil back and out from under the mystery the veil presents for us, if only within myself even. Such esoteric adventure somehow gives meaning and purpose to what would otherwise be a rather pathetic cluster phhuck of an experience in which at best one pays homage to the awesomeness of higher physical realms and the beings who dwell there like our own very beautiful Gaia. 

You haven't lived until Gaia serves you up for a special ride on local Eagle of Spirit's back of consciousness, and just within the balanced gravitational vortex where the Sun and moon sit facing oneanother at that moment along her onw horizone EM-Cing the whole affair with their bodies of light refraction and production which alone are mysterious enough if not for how simply elegant and beautful as one can imagine the show of light in the universe can get for us microbes running around here at this basement level.  

Make a long story short. One can imagine death but there really is no substitute for having one's physical being actually take a unscheduled trip to Death's hilltop mansion, one of which he calls Sharp's Hospital of Chula Vista. One doesn't visit such portals on purpose but requires an invitiation by Death itself in order to get the very audacious and glammed 911 convoy ride ... a huge 10 man team with multi vehicles which arrives waking the entire surrounding community of your subsequent destination and appointment. The mysterious, not to be denied however for those so "fortunate to get such passage and priviledge early per their own needs as I have just done" leaves those us having gotten such red carpet treatment cold if not colder than we could have imagined before hand. 

In fact, I was given several more invitations over the last month, guessing Death for some reason finds me a challenge or in some perverted way fun as I dare to see over my own care even while everyone else submits the finality of it or just don't care enough anymore. But I, having spent an extended weekend at his mystery table ... can share only nightmarish proceedings which took place on schedule, and have become my new modern definition for torture. Ask me for the details, if your feeling dullish and I'll speak of pain and insanity in a way to guarantee your next morning will come with a flourish and a purpose not to miss a single moment of its Goodness. The Badness on that hill was around every corner and as I said waking me up on the hour every hour with its literal pain devices at the ready to be deployed all over again. 

So it was that when I was able to flee that harrowing place, I decined the 911 festivities twice afterwards and replied that I needed nothing more than my own schedule and my own protocols of torture (though I don't consider them as such, however I have been repeatedly admonished by some to whom I submit my notes about it to...LOL) Anyway ... it gets even better but I am waning a bit now and don't want to be the one who posted the KILLER posts which brought down the site of LinedIn altogether one fateful night. Yep I'd much rather play hooky and dance just beyond Death's reach, teasing him rather than submitting to his authority and unmistakeable sadistic pleasures.
 
So, in accordance with our focus forwith let my question be for now if it is at all possible to radically transform the last protocol before Death's mysteries to remove all the torture and painful disintegrations within bodilywise for something far more gentler and refective of our own personal desires???'
 
OK with the literary fun I hope ... I will still wait and do look forward to NGR's input on the matter and getting to hear all that she as to say. And a really huge Bow and thank you to all who've particpated on this thread for my support, especially for Jivana's magnificent leadership in creating it.
 
And lastly of course, for Sharon Brooks, the living donor I who came to me after reading all about my need here, and who promises to be as vital as they come today. Tomorrow of course we shall see what we shall see, so this show isn't quite over yet for those thinking the dimming lights this last month was a sure sign of it LOL.
 
So keep tuned ... There will be nothing more satisfying than to tap out a final chapter here after reinstalling some functional hardware and having my body begin to purr and humm again with a level of vitality some 4 times or even more than what it has been for me for the last 3 years. And in the meantime, I hope you don't find these "plays" and their topics too far off the mark or difficult for you to digest.

While I'm here (in this state) why would I even begin to think of not staying committed to my daily practice of raising my consciousness and ongoing understanding of what works and doesn't work to manage that well. It sure beats imagination as one's resource for these matters.

In closing, let me drop the bomb that's been begging to be dropped exactly here. I may play and have fun about this and do so using old associations which I share with probably a vast majority of you reading my fanciful notions on the subject here, but the crucial distinction I want to emphasize is that I am actually celebrating an event of personal verification in relation to my death. Can or how many of the rest of you can claim that? I assert very few indeed. So far none of you from what I've seen. Everything you know of Death is a matter of imagination and nothing more.

I'll speak to this again later, but am at the end of partying tonight ... xoxo to all you peeps ... you know who you are!!! LOL 

Talking about Leadership as spoken about by Erhard ... 

I quoted him as saying, "Leaders do not act from a plan, but plan from their action. The planning is really a conversation which gives other people access to the possibility to which you are committed."  The following is my latest post to a circle of interested systemic thinkers which as a conversation is based on this quote by Erhard:

Apologies for not responding sooner, I was otherwise occupied with a severe health issue which seems to be ebbing with a proper recovery now better each day. So many divergent angles and interpretations, exciting; and all very good observations. I've become accustomed to Erhard speaking with about as rigorous a commitment to revealing the exact distinction desired that I ever recall or know of. However, this one as some have pointed out seem to be taken out of context and in the act some damage has done to what ordinarily one always finds in Werner's work and that is an equal attention given to context. I'm going to take some liberty here to extend some substance for the purposes of this conversation directly into seeing the context for now as a model for leading others. I recall years ago when he firsts began the est training his rather unsophisticated  statement on leadership took the form of: A leader is the guy at the front of the line. So, if you want to be a leader in life, go to the front of the line.

Hard to argue with then but within the context of systems thinking, with such magnificient ideas and notions such as attractors for instance, but otherwise founded on principles we have forged over the years and now come to depend on as matter of fact as part of the quiver of anyone who is seen as a true modern leader of in life. For instance innovation ... going to the front of the line is the act of a bully not an innovator.

The quote for me is a comment about the paradigm of leadership which is possible and emergent today. The first context which appears for me in his quote is that leadership is an ontological reality one must come to terms with first in order to understand the possibilities or as Werner would put it the possibility of possibilities within leadership as it shows up for us in our experience moment to moment and not as collection of notions with correlating data and "science" organized for someone's new attempt at a doctorate. So, it is with Werner that his work and his expression of that work while providing for mastery in the world of phenomena really is focused in the world of ontology.

Peeling away a layer now to say a little about what he seems to be saying ... leadership opens possibilities actively by contextualizing their views of possibiiliteis relative to job at hand by engaging with what is not being listened to in their conversations about what by  default gets to be effective prescriptions but stale and static compositions. Keeping this awareness for its own sake produces an opening in conversation for the SYSTEM (all those involved or desired to be involved) access and be accessed together as a conversation which is an evolution over the notion of someone pointing with everyone else following that given mandate. He's transformed the ACT of leading into a conversation in which everyone's lead is accessible and lightening can strike at any point or moment in time.

Time to take a breath and ponder how much resistance may show up over the suggestion that in the paradigm being presented on leadership, the old sructure of following another is no longer relevant or operational. For myself, I see it as master stroke, resolving so much of the noise and clangor that went along with the real time missions aimed at making systemic change, through managerial input. All that is tranformed in the individual's perception with his being recognized as the real attractor, one that together with the rest ontologically speaking is the systemic underpinning accerssible to leadership and the only one really that counts when thinking about this sytemically.
yes? no? maybe?

Found Poetry

There is an inmost centre in us all,
where truth abides in fulness,
and, wall upon wall, the gross flesh hems it in.
And to know rather consists in opening out a way
whence the imprisoned splendor may escape
than in affecting entry for a light supposed to be without. 

E.B.Browning

Branding Wisdom

I'm a fan of the wisdom of the Tao. There is knowledge, and understanding that knowledge reveals its relative value. Wisdom is simply non-linear understanding that is operational on multi-dimensions. It is NOT omniscient nor anything finite but knowledge being expressed by being, characterizing its gestalt, as more than the sum, at best an homage to mystery and paradox. Finally, its essence, is the unfolding presence of being.

The Alo Drop

I'll leave this on your doorstep then, since you won't answer my call
a mind fuck is one whose utter remains still for only so long
and then in a confluence of events lets the utter slip, her purpose all along
now the fun has just begun, as she humiliates a man for being human
No shame for the lack of propriety, she's found her gilded horse
to make up for the white one, whose knight walked on premise
There's ignorance, naivete, and pretense; you see it around you all the time
What has ignited this anger flaming at your feet, is seeing it manifest
as a poison; harming trust, just because revenge picked your play today.

Her brand is euphemistic, adorned with echoes of great anticipation
and utterly false, meant to seduce a man into weakness, to die thereby
with uttering everything that tells him he failed her, and must pay like this
in every way that adds humility to his horror, for not having seen it coming.

7/2014, rjduberg