Advice to my fellow dialysis patient in pain...

Doesn't get any more real than this

I can so feel your painful upset. I'm only on my 8th year of dialysis. This morning I arrived at the clinic and was told water hadn't been tested yet and there was anywhere from a 1 to 1.5 hour wait. The way I take in fluid demands that I have dialysis 4 x a week, and with that I'm barely keeping up. Not to be allowed 4 hours was going to be a major upheaval, nothing compared to yours of course, but the clinic dietitian a woman I've known for some time and trust said, I could work it out with the nurse, that if I really needed the full treatment I could probably get it. Once in the chair, a nurse I'm only acquainted with and I get into it because she says there is no Flex possible. 

Things can quickly spiral out of control when we're upset over bad/negative/shocking news, mostly because our lives hang in the balance. All I can say is that we've all bought a piece of a certain tragic greek mythological cake and each piece will finish digesting on its own time table. The best we can do is to keep pushing that rock up the hill, chewing out cake, assisting the digestive process come hell or high water. And, the high road is putting everything in the most positive light possible. Ease your pain don't compound it. Your either going to come through this by hook or crook or not. The prize is in the traveling not the destination.

Draft of First Article for EV Blog -

I could be playing pinball.  It would be the best opportunity for it, AND YET, here I am writing an aritcle for a phantom blog dedicated to an Evolutionary Think Tank based on Integral Theory.  This blog is such a GOOD idea, AND YET; has yet to see the light of day. My vision for it is a portal through which we the collective of the EV Think Tank can disseminate the refined and synthesized wisdom missing form public narratives that will provide the necessary social support for tailoring the next phase of development so that  it Boldly demonstrates the application of the main evolutionary principle in Interal Theory, which is, Include & Transcend,

The process has begun tearing down and raising structures today that no longer support their inhabitants.  It is enough to see the "spttg" event is an event we Should just walk away. And this endeth today's demonstration of the over-reach today intellectually of various domentic issues aired on air over the weekend talk shows mostly.

Alright then, I'll let you go for now.

xox Robert, namaste

The Coronavirus Pandemic

More posts being made pointing to very profound issues to lead me to copy them there for posterity.

Memes, Conflation, Truth, Paradigmatics

Key Concepts
Excerpted from a PKD FBook post 5/21

 Shanti Prema Hudes You definitely got a narrative going there.  Not wanting to intrude here, but I'm finding this conversation (with?) really fascinating about value judgements and personal boundaries and methods of accessing real or true data I'm interested in building some expertise of my own or not, or maybe I'm just curious.  But there are conspiracy theories and science and a whole gradient mix in-between.

Today, the dissonance has never been greater without the personal commitment to trust but verify. Science is the only modality in which precise repeatable outcomes can be produced. Thus, when you hear anything hearsay, like Trump's massive businesses and his cadre of medical and political and financial advisors, advising him, the fact is quite the opposite. Yeah, all of those 100s of friends he lost on 911. A complete fabrication.

 The developmental stage of evolution, called integral by Ken Wilber, is a level of consciousness which perceives the cosmos as holoarchical.  Another way of saying this is to say or perceive the cosmos as consisting of holons within holons.  This is not a conflation but a recognition of fact.  Until facts and accurate empirical data form the basis for conversation, there being an ongoing acknowledgement of "truthiness", of course there will be push back against everything seen as strange and/or a threat.  Now there's a conflation waiting to happen, lol.

  I'm amazed at how little people get the potato-potaaaato meme distinction. And to say a meme is a generalization is full stop reductionism.  The really interesting facts regarding memes has to with those generalizations, their lives (they all have beginnings and ends, although we're getting ready to burst that intellectual bubble to), relationships with cultural outcomes and horizons, and the anxiety of influence (and the complete waste it creates in society, such as Trumps National Mexican Wall.

 Any action coming from a less than integral level of consciousness will operate a meme-function designed push back and resist standing on fundamentals of boundary making and wall building.  Personal memes designed to separate and lead on into a herd mentality and Corporate memes designed to incorporate the world.  Then integral memes which are psychoactive and influence one in letting go of all beliefs that don't support love, healing, sharing, ascension in its myriad expressions.  Cheers, rj

Social DistanceS

This is the era of the CoronaVirus CoVid19. 

The beautiful IB Pier is empty because its closed so that there won't be any congregating which is how the virus is transmitted the quickest.  My "life" is still complicated by Sleep Apnea and my ERSF. I somehow experienced a spontaneous self healing regarding my heart.  It's now back to a normal function after failing for over 20 years???  I've fostered supportive energetic healing from friends besides my own more concentrated conscious healing energy on my life.  

It will be hard repopulating that SOCIAL DISTANCE.

Journal - Looking at the Pandemic Covid19

Computing Power doubles every year, an exponential growth.  Step 30 is 1 Billion
Result:  Nano machines that could heal the body of pathogens
Even later:  nano Machines that can go inside the cells healing them, setting our age
Talk of future envisioned ...

Learning to swipe with pop memes is my ideology. The practice will be a little harder to incorporate. In this age of pandeminic threat, if I find an opportunity to turn that vector towards balance and peace, I will work to keep harm at bay.

~Enjoy Your Commitments

Enjoy your commitments.

If they suck, find
  new possibilities to
      commit to.

If you find none
   or only poverty of passivity
      a fuller education is required.

Not the solutions of persuasion
   stories of salvation
      miraculous fantasies.
   
Siren's songs and religions, then
   Today, radical rebels of the spirit
      push our culture to the brink

Remember an earlier time of dreaming
   And once uncovered begin building
      what you forget, self-remembering.

rjduberg, 2020

Another Angle on Self-Remembering

In a response to Marci at Evolutionary Dynamics, I wrote the following which I realized half way through that it was based on SELF-REMEMBERING and is the reason I'm including it in this blog.

LOL, It's a glass half full period is it?  I was just reminded of the lethality of nicotene, either by tobacco or vape.  I still have a friend who smokes but I won't allow it in my space, however; I have that conversation about whether I'm still enabling hin to KILL HIMSELF.  Why people cannot break out of whatever circular logic as you describe with plain FACTS not only mystifies me but makes me want to pound head against wall, cause it might not be so painful as this.Everything positive in my life except my wonderful mother has come about through education.  I second the whole theory regarding the danger of division in which the opposite is seen as some kind of threat instead of a shadow aspect of a positive proposition.


Your fait accompli that God will sort it all out is the ultimate bypass isn't it?  Anytime we defer clarity from this moment because we cannot endure the suffering it inevitably brings with it is when your litany of bypasses finds expression.  But tell me what do you replace this NEED we have, that we have grown up endoctrinated in, to have someone fix us?

My very question expresses its overwhelming presence and pressure on our little selves.


FACT is we are not destroyed however.  I like to use the word bypass because it connotes a lost opportunity more than anything.
FACT  Knowing that I don't know is a far more empowering place to be than confused and not knowing that I don't know.


Still, if followed up with a bypass, that always puts our possibilities in reset mode.  Somewhere, somehow we have to be able to take charge of remembering our predicament enough to take that context out into the world.  Thanks for the engaging chat here sister. It is bizarre though with a little examination on how the most popular walk on the talk of God is to destroy thy neighbor or at a minimum put her in somekind of cage of one kind or another.  Which leads me to the positive half full measure in which we do have the possibility of evolution in moments of self-transcendence when we embrace and absolve our other by conscious creative open-heartedness which brings all of one's attention into the timeless now.  The moment we fail to remember this, that opens the half empty door of awful.


Our bodhisattvas desire to transform and enlighten the masses from such ignorance, and for all the glory of that ambition, I have watched you all fail for decades now. Even new communities based on sustainability will fail without a more structured basis formed to promote conscious evolution in its basic education.

Deida said, "Freefalling in the Mystery is sexy if you are working for something huge, greater than yourself."  I suppose this points to why these "cults" get so much traction from the masses, sex sells.

Evolutionary Dynamics

Wilber's
Evolutionary Dynamics

Evolutionary Dynamics, and post modernity ... Ken Wilber is delivering via his own material and the contributions of many others.  Here we consider the cognitive line of development and the Self line.  Cognitive is the talk and self is the walk.  Cognitive is usually a stage or two ahead of the self line.  Being at integral cognitively and their self or actual center is at traditional or modern or postmodern.

Making ourselves as integral as possible.  Integrating all four quadrants.  For example those at green make attempts without hierarchies of any kind.  They miss the opportunity.

This meta-theory by Wilber has been the frame of reference I've been working on for being as of late.  The how is the focus of growth ... leveling up.

Best Prime Rib Deal in San Diego

Prime Rib at IB Forum looks like this consistently week to week.  Really handsome step with a fully loaded potato.  Are you salivating yet?  The dinner comes along with a very generous mixed green salad with your choice of dressing.  And as well there are some really tasty slices of oven crispy garlic bread which melts in your mouth.  For the price, and I've been around the county looking for a deal and food to beat this one.  You can't beat it.

Clear Insight by Einstein

We are slowed down sound and light waves,

a walking bundle of frequencies tuned into the cosmos.

We are souls dressed up in sacred biochemical garments 

and our bodies are the instruments 

through which our souls play their music.

~Albert Einstein

~I Love the Analogy

I love the analogy of the breath, 

like the sea to the shore moment by moment. 

We can observe what is behind the breath what is looking, 

not with the eyes as Blake said. 

But through the eyes. 

Changing pace, 

spending time with students is a release like the sea teaches. 

Allowing the water to run deep 

and wash out what is not needed, 

to remind us that each second is a cleansing, 

an opening, 

a release an end and a beginning. 

~C

Mary Oliver Poem

The Real Prayers Are Not the Words,

But the Attention tht Comes First

The little hawk leaned sideways and, tilted,

rode the wind. Its eye at this distance looked

like green glass; its feet were the color 

of butter. Speed, obviously, was joy. But

then, so was the sudden, slow circle it carved 

into the sightly silvery air, and the 

squaring of its shoulders, and the pulling into

itself the long, sharp-edged wings, and the 

fall into the grass where it tussled a moment,

like a bundle of brown leaves, and then, again,

lifted itself into the air, that butter-color

clenched in order to hold a small, still

body, and it few off as my mind sang out oh

all that loose, blue rink of sky, where does 

it go to, and why? 

~Art Curation * Draft in progress

The idea of the successful PROBE.
    This means ending up on the other side.
    How does one enter THAT zone?
Beginner rules sharpen focus.
Specific Standards matter over time.

There is work involved in unfolding
   the precise exchange with technique
   and the Technological Innovation
Realized as a better platform, ultimately;

*Draft

© 1//2019 rjduberg 

Small Photo Tour of the USS Roosevelt

~ The Sound Made by Trump a Thump

 The Sound of Impeachment
 *coming to a country near you today!

There's a sound made by Trump
   As he backs up his hump (around)
      in the WH these days.

The Beep Beep isn't pretty buy needy.
   So we all suffer with his fakiness
       Can we please impeach him now?

Stop (t)his noise now!

© 11//2019 rjduberg

~Poem Simplicity not simple

Make these complexities simpler
   so they don't go bad anyway
      the act of being rich rich bad
         isn't what I mean, want or need

Mistakes like that can ruin entire lives
   leave them drowning in the debris
      instead gird them against that hell
         that fate each uniquely reveals

Just enough to silence the unruly noise
   *stopping here to go to bed, dialysis, tomorrow 

© 7/2/2017 rjduberg

Letter to a Girlfiriend

I’m not really sure what to do with this new gained perspective on love.  As I look back over my life I can see this perspective play out over and over with differing degrees of maturity involved in its expression.  Tonight sees yet another cycle climax aligned and amplified in some degree by the New Year I think.

The truth for me is that I love the feminine in myself and others in which I find resonance and synchronicity and higher calling heard in my heart as a pulling gravitational pull of love that is synced in with mine in some important way.  Problem has always been that I destroy this access in its range by getting intimate with any one single female.  A few have stolen my heart for a time proportionate to the ferocity of their love for me.  There is an inherent danger in my sharing this with another whom I do appreciate and love for exactly her feminine resonance to my masculine. I cannot deny the level of maturity that has arisen, as is expressed by the unfolding vocabulary which is allowing me greater conscious access and concurrent skill in sharing exactly how I feel.  Maybe not?  LOL, but my sense of humor is enough to cover in the case of any mistakes I make, I hope.  It’s that hope that I am now somehow enamored with at least enough to move forward, OK then … I still have to make simple the complex here and believe me the phase is still a work/moment in progress. 

Mostly, I need honesty.  That last feminine attempt to breach my installed morality of patience having leap too many times into the clamoring abyss of love heart to heart was rocking my world right up until I wasn’t moving fast enough and her closing remark revealed an outright lie made in the lets see here kind of exploratory facade designed to gain access. 

Your kindness and love have sustained a bleak outlook here from becoming despairing or desperate. Thank you.

Love, rj, xox

 

 

~ Breathing in Possibilities

Breathing in the Possibility 
for her coolness KLAmore

Those possibilities find feeling
     Now inside us.
          Here we hear their call
 
Breathing brings us to them.
A space of conscious
    transformation_
        _ beyond boudaries.

In that field, made famous
     by that eternal bard
          Rumi

And, its river of liberty -
     its source the
          divine heart

And, that feelig of juice!
     The river is bringing
         through style and grace!


© 11/2/2017 rjduberg

Moving Forwrd

This means - today, kind of jumping into Thanksgiving plans for Billy and I; which I have to share, disintegrated over previous commitments I had with doctors.  Will focus on KFC and my gratitude, especially; since, checking on a source of turkey, once again proved to be far too much trouble for the effort

Thank you all
Thank you self
Thank you world
Thank you cosmos
Thank you Lord and Source of All

*** Missing picture of the line out the door and around the corner