Cosmological Vibration Wave Form

A lot has happened since I last wrote last. I just reviewed the Teahupoo Big Wave Rides in slow motion. Aside from the purely aesthetic visual impression one takes in, from the cosmological perspective  (defined as an integration of everything inbetween the Highest and the Lowest), the wave is a terrestial form which is elemental and on a planetary level. Compared to what we normally refer to as vibration, which we energetically feel with frequencies and magnitudes orthogonal to the next higher octave, our planet. This is an example of cosmological perspective used as a context for making inter-level connectinos. I guess what made it really special was the gravity associated with the Teahupoo wave. Along with its extreme magnitude on its cosmological level, are the ordinary interference waves which are still clearly present, except that the influence from them is infinitesimal leaving one's focus PURELY on the IDEAL being manifested TEMPORALLY (also known as Temporary).


Another instance to illustrate or add another level's fractal piece to the IDEAL can be witnessed in nuclear fission/fusion. Now there is another elemental wave form, cosmologically on a level higher than the planetary, which is our sun. YET, nevertheless, part of logic is the categorical connections, categorical meaning unique and unitary. In this case we're talking about vibration and wave forms, and I can think of no better fractal or cosmological angle than teahupoo's waves (vibrations) which belong to our planet to express difference in order of magnitude. Same thing, Vibration, can express itself quite unique different between orders of magnitude. The question then is what is it that allows us to make these abstract connections which give us leverage cosmologically? Called As Above, so as Below.

So back to your reply...  Put her words in perspective because she certainly isn't doing much contextualizing of her remarks. Why is that important? Part of the focus that is achieved by including the context for your words, just immediately means enhanced understanding and a decreased incidence of interpretative work required. Thus one speaks English as a rule here in America, and Spanish in Mexico. Ok, you say fine, as obvious as your example was isn't Love just as obvious and the proper perspective for her statements?

Well if it was, she made an awful lot of judgements about it didn't she. And, I assert dualistic reasoning is like that, in which someone creates a shadow to their presence and expression. Maybe you don't feel it, but when I was reading what she wrote, I actually felt a weight or pull from below having to do with part of the context present which is not Love but Dualism. That level of intellectual thinking and awareness, and the things she said only really matter if you're resonant with being told the way YOU ARE YOURSELF by mistake, your mistake. The truth of Love is that it exists on a higher level.

This capacity we have for our higher selves to actually meet our lower selves decently and gracefully is where all twisted knots in one's baggage get resolved and undone. That is just another way of describing non-dual awareness and thought. It's all about being with the shadow of dualism in order to integrate the opposition.

The conclusion here is hopefully not being overstated. Your Gal's words represent a mental angle in which one's relationship to love by virtue of one's expressing oneself tenatively, reflects a work in progress in search of true self-respect and sovereignty. When one finds the truth of one's sovereignty (ask me how one does that?), the language one uses UNFOLDS and like a flower blossom, is LOVE expressing ... well, the existence of true love. As often heard associated to Zen, those who don't know speak, those who know keep silent.

- Part of an email response to my friend Colleen.

Desire Realigning, by Mervyn Brady

So rein in desire, do not desire----better sunshine, more food and turn your Eros to the Soul.  

The Greeks said that Eros gives wings to Psyche (the Soul).  

I say desire and its realigning is a most potent weapon in the arsenal of the true Philosopher.  

 It is interesting to sit down and really ask, what am I doing with my Eros?  

Christian morality messed with this one and connected Eros and Desire with the outlawed sexual functions?  

William Blake makes many references to Desire, of its proper uses.  

Do not just say the words and expect something to happen.  

Tomorrow morning your machine will wake up again--- what do you desire?? 

Desire to change, see what happens.  

This is the secret…  Using the energy of Desire, to be present. 

~Mervyn J. Brady

What I have to put up with ....

The Hard Shell of Imminence


I did not want to hear
Those words about it
Inevitable but hidden away
as sure as today is tonight, but not
as day is to night, death is to me.

It has thought me alive
Not otherwise as I believe
Until now, speaking with one I love
My first thoughts wept tears of loss
Crushing the hard shell of imminence.

This is only the beginning.

© 03/25/2004, RJDuberg

Arriving Home tonight after a good 5 mile cycle

Home Court Advatage - Imperial Beach

POETRY: Balance

Balance Where the song's beat is both fun and simple in practice making conscious a continuum range's spectral in-flux, proceedings are exercises in error recovery that's valid where there's no doubt that your head is calm and still. The essence of this infinity mirrors eternity, space/energy Why I ever thought that still point of thought, was poetry had more to do with how little life seemed aware, messy for such a singleminded obsessive focus over the details. 11/2013, rjd

POETRY: Listening in

Listening In

Ignorance obscures divine will
Necessary for integrity, honor, 
Ordinary world, machine culture - designed to stop Will - descendent path
seeing us playing the game, 
to Will, playing the game through us. 

Gurdjieff, a proud ancestor, he says
in fresh understandable jargon, his words
My Numen Will is a space of sovereignty

Free from the Exoteric 
a subject just as important
Study of delusion 
& spells of subservience

Hostile Anarchy still the option 
to avoid by all means possible
if it means delaying evolution
until... the next evolution
then…

My Girl Warrior - Jones

Don't Let the Warm Fuzzy Coat fool ya!

Waiting for Shiva

Have you ever woken up in the morning feeling empty—without the energy to make decisions or carry out a plan you made last night?
 
This morning I slept late for no reason, couldn’t get myself going, not even to meditate or do qigong. It was only after I dragged myself through breakfast and set off to the market that I realized my problem wasn’t with the body. It was with the heart. I was empty of feeling, perhaps depressed. That’s a very serious situation, a life challenge like no other. Who can function without feeling?
 
Happily, my state of tension and fear was eased once I recognized what was wrong. I felt somewhat better, even as the sense of emptiness remained. What to do? I went about my morning duties in a listening mode, inquiring of my heart what the rest of me could do to help.
 
In such a situation, an analogy can be very helpful: From the Hindu point of view, I am Shakti here below, waiting for Shiva. When will he come to waken her, curled up asleep at the center of my Being? When will her heart be gladdened by a ray from his sun, just what is needed to illumine and warm my heart? No idea. But, for the moment I know my job—to wait like a hunter for the slightest indication of his appearance.
 
How do you wait like a hunter? Many years ago, I heard a distinguished Frenchman, Henri Tracol, explain it to an unhappy man who didn’t like waiting. Perhaps the man was empty or depressed like me today. Perhaps he simply longed to understand why, although he’d spent many years trying to make a new beginning, to get rid of the things in himself he didn’t like, the change he longed for just didn’t come about. M. Tracol sat looking at him thoughtfully for a few minutes. Then he said: “You must wait. But you can wait like a hunter. A hunter will stand behind a tree or sit behind a rock for many hours, as still as the landscape, waiting for his prey to appear.”
 
Not so easy! To wait like a hunter I must learn to sit very still, to take control of my squirming or lax body so it can be still and yet very alive, ready to act instantly when the time comes. Knowing myself as I do, it sounds like that could take a long time! But the time won’t be wasted if it’s in the name of my deepest wish: The wish to know myself and to grow into the person I was born to be.
 
How to wait in front of the Unknown? What can I do, face to face with illness or loss or the Next Big Step in my life. While such challenges can give me opportunity for musing, for thinking about stuff, thinking is not enough. Unless I’m alert, like the six wise virgins, I may miss the chance to connect with a new thread in the fabric of my life.
 
We do a lot of waiting. Life’s like that. I wait for the bus or train, for the boss to give me a raise, for my own true love to find me, for the end of something that may actually be a new beginning. Which job should I take, which road should I travel to get where I think I want to go? Where do I really want to go?
 
And we often wait in the darkness. For help. For light. There’s a deep need to understand what’s going on in the world and in myself. Why are things the way they are? Why do terrible things happen to those I love? Why do good people do bad things? What should I do next?
 
I have a choice. Waiting can be boring or fraught with possibilities, it’s up to me to wait like a hunter. Awakening to the presence of Shiva might bring me a new approach to an old task, a new response instead of my habitual reactions, or a tentative new openness to whatever may come.
by

A few shots of Mavericks and Teahupoo

ooof!

any difference?

Riding Energy

    

I love this photograhy

Celebrate Now

Hi again

Everybody wants to hear
the sound that loves them
music for one, transcends
when the heart enjoys

resonation  deep in -
A medallion of calm
turns chaos to contrast
the celebration of life.

Nov 201, rj

Your money or your life?

A friend recently retorted why worry about it? He was refering to money and how it supposes to represent a person's wealth, but beyond that he could only admit to worrying about it on personal survival level at best. Good reasons for this, and yet quite beyond the pall of the mainstream at least. Why worry about it? It's not necessary to worry and one can even do away with it altogether and live life as an arhat, a wondering or reclusive eastern monk adorned with a piece of thread to for cover and a bowl to receive the charity society designates is sufficient in his/her presence.

For the rest of us that are participating on the wheel of samsara still, it's so interesting that even while we are all doing this together as one, it is only by bringing our corporeal existence to bear in coordindation with others that our life continues to exist and have a future. If this is true, why are we still operating individually. Perhaps the Rights which are protected by our USA may have finally reached their expiration date? But I am getting way ahead of myself, and money is a far more sexier and urgent necessity which I can literally feel pushing me right now, despite all creeds stating the truth to be otherwise.

Thus, our perception of others "wealth" accounts for the veracity of our ordinary lives, an orderliness that without being policed and maintained would uncover mankind's less social and civilly minded impulse's involving fear and aggression, violence and flight. This is a rather esoteric perspective because for the most part wealth and currency are simply misundertood entirely with the first incorrect belief being that money and wealth, the tokens that symbolize power, are scarce and 2nd that money is something living in something called banks. As my friend seemed to allude, money has meaning only in so far as a community or group of communities share that meaning.

However, he mentioned that its definition is based on the perceived wealth of others. I would challenge that for so many reasons. First of all the thought that money is imaginary itself is simply laughable. I know that what you meant to say was that by itself it has no intrinsic meaning or value, but to call the magnitude of money represented by very real digits circulating throughout societies banking systems as imaginary ... well, my man, that simply defies intelligent thought. Add to all of this the international banking community and its warehousing and redistribution of money in ways which profoundly distort and corrupt that value and such attitudes towards represent its speciifc limit on the return.

With all of our trite and impoverished ways of relating to money, defining ourselves by it instead of the truth which has always been its basis in tokenship, or the truth of our lives being defined by negotiation and substitution. Thus money is defined rightfully as a magnitude attached to a contract between men in which the value of money is an exchangeable commodity having universal applications, such that with my 2 cents in hand I can in a pinch trade them for a pencil I forgot to bring with me on my trip downtown to write poetry in the Museum's Plaza or along the harbor-side.

Reforming the financial institutions of our world is something which we can no longer avoid, because they no longer court higher thought and science, but have become demigods for those who roam those halls, and the principle message is he with the most toys wins or something along those lines.

What is so annoying is that we haven't even gotten to the point of having suggestions floating around necessary to augur our immediate future and our ability to pay for it.

IN closing ... please do not hold money at fault, although how easy is that to do? I've done it. Rather, see the real and vast need still very much present and growing in life for us to recreate our cultural schemes surrounding finance, which begin to show up as energetically supporting life (as in producing a belief called abundance instead of scarcity. The truth is twisted so far up into its own anus out of our perspective on money that it is not even funny. A change in perspective here however will express itself appropriately as a profound change in worldly perspective altogether, especially after money becomes abundant with the divine values of which every man born is endowed with. Yes, abolishing slavery was a magnificent and revolutionary step in this direction, but we almost killed everyone in the process and with all due respect to Lincoln seeing the war through on principle. The idea of human life Representing a Monetary Value has yet to be cleared from our collective consciousness or mercenaries would be a thing of the past, the most lucrative business in the past decade. 

You laugh, and I am here to say stop that.

Feels like a Sunday Morning to me for some reason, LOL.

Now addressing the younger Bush president of security at the White House I need to drop off old CD and pu Groceries and pu cinema from Greg

Enlightenment, Mystery and Perspective

The Mystery, still unseen, kills
The trick is getting your benefit
while leaving the beast to rest

Alright then, with respect to my own highest ideals regarding spiritual life, in particular, the one I refer to as Tantric, a yoga that at present is a meditation on affirming the power of affirmation through engagement (often recognized as postive reinforcement or acknowledgement and compliment).

And then again, not losing hold of the integral force of mind, but rather ... using it to vector our lives more precisely to our only purpose in this life which is as Swami Chinmayananda in Self-Unfoldment said "...Life principle supporting them all, the unchanging factor of all life. The enlightened being is one who has chosen this highest principle as his ideal and has dedicated all his activities to it."  So far so good, until he speaks of the state of enlightenment existing without emotionality, in some unsaid and subtlley implied logic, the Swami has stepped over a number of crucial points which together define the foundation of enlightenment for the human mind.

If one looks, emotionality is at the very heart and source of our attention. Quicker than any other functionality in man, most negative expressions of emotionality or simply false and old scripts and programming we clung to as children. The real truth to what he wants to say has to be a creative expression of how emotion actually allows us to perceive our lives as particularly human.

Without exasperating those listening, this quote by the Swami obviously leaves a bit to be desired. Mark S.G. Dyczkowski insightful remarks take on this task quite eloquently to the next level, keeping level and balanced with the mysteriousness of it all whether we're speaking of enlightenment or ignorance, but definitely corresponsponding who we are with that mysterious source yet providing an integral for this to evolve into a realtion to attention that allows us to be AUTHENTIC to whatever the truth is NOW.

Mark wrote, "Once we have overcome the negative forces that arise from our ignorance and prevent us from abiding in ourselves, we are liberated. To do this, we must penetrate through the pulsing fluctuations of objectively experienced states and perceptions at the surface level of consciousness and gain insight into the timeless rhythm of our own nature manifest in the universal arising and falling away of all things."

I give him kudos for his effort but not for anything significant in terms of a result. One could sum up all he has to say in the words The Enlightenment Gain. But wait, just when and how did the lower creep into this intellectual work? By being hidden behind a barney (if I am only admitting to yet being incorrect once again regarding a statement analysis by Regis which has to do with words being presented for their strength and specific flavor yet clearly having a signpost which is called the barney (?) in which such statements' truth is dependent on some degree of mystery which is rather an excuse to use those words instead of acknowledging that we no longer are empowered by them.

Before moving onto Sri Aurobindo, sit for a moment and contemplate Mark's continuing words as he writes, "To do this, we must penetrate through the pulsing fluctuations of objectively experienced states and perceptions at the surface level of consciousness and gain insight into the timeless rhythm of our own nature manifest in the universal arising and falling away of all things." Does the expression timeless rhythm really mean anything at all. If you check your dictionaries you'll find that it does not. It's like ascribing a certain attribute found and useful as a distinction in the world of fluid dynamics to solids. Feels close intuitively, and yet so far from our being able to articulate ourselves as such.

Sri is yet another evolution on this story which I will not include in this attack except to say that it ought to be clear on reading him how emotional he is and how important emotionality is to a man/woman'a ability to perceive. I think for my part at this juncture I will only submit this one correction to the overall perspective of enlightenment. I wrote of this recently in a poem titled The Mystery, and in the 2nd strophe wrote…

I have a destiny with a dragon
The Mystery, still unseen, kills
The trick is getting your benefit
while leaving the beast to rest.
 
Here in the west we want the ultimate reduction and a bank to deposit it in WITH INTEREST. We live constrained by our culture with so much ignorance and lack of perspective on life if only because we simply aren't even close to as smart as we would like to think we are.

I do think however, that I've reached a small jumping off point with respect to the prime ideal of life which we want to call enlightenment. We have to transcend culture, first by exposing ourselves to mankind's other cultures, and then by integrating and synthesizing the best of what we want. And succeeding in doing that brings us flat up against the wall. From here we can go no further, why? Because the process that got us this far in its neo-enlightened, integral, nonjudgmental, discerning, visionary, committed, philosophic thought represents the mind and the condition which is itself exclusionary to the truth.

Desire, the shroud and veil, prevents us from evolving ourselves timelessly. That leaves us only yoga as a viable hope towards fully realizing consciously Truth, Beauty, and Justice. Every desire exists out of the web of beliefs which make up our collective world views, except for those pertaining only to ourselves as individuals in the world. So there is that platitude in the process where one gives up or lets go of desire not because its right or intrinsic to attainment but because we have discovered how fundamentally it separates us from the Truth that ALL IS.  Funny though how this moment doesn't provide the level of breakthrough and enlightenment one would certainly consider possible given how fundamentally the condition of grasping, clinging, and needing prevents any nearness or taste of enlightenment whatsoever. Include the yogi platitude on the essential meaningless and emptiness of life as yet another major milestone however one that does not catapult one any further, but more or less just brings one to the point in which they stop believing in their own bullshit just as much as the rest. Life becomes peaceful and clear at this level of consciousness, and yet does this imply enlightenment?

I am called to return to the notion that one's desire to be enlightened ITSELF is enlightenment. In order to want this metaphysical liberty from illusionary egotism, is both the degree one might be said to be empowered to attain that state in the first place, and for a few who have come before me, there is clearly an artifact produced one might call the gift of the state of enlightenment, a teaching and a reaching out to humanity with a message for those who can hear to guide them on this path leading the soul out of the darkness of ignorance and into the purity of light which the truth shines infinitely.

a negate of a negated negation,
never gets the real truth, and yet
there's another energy transfer
labyrinths are key symbols for.
 
The next strophe I wrote was an attempt to acknowledge something of the heart of the desire which fulfills without fulfilling, that bath of paradoxical quagmire, wherein we are constantly challenged by our own mechanical responses entrained towards a dualistic structured society keeping our evolved engagement quite surreal until complete.

The Mystery

There's something in the way
certain women tell
a lie that was never there idea
and the messy blames begin.

I have a destiny with a dragon
The Mystery, still unseen, kills
The trick is getting your benefit
while leaving the beast to rest

a negate of a negated negation,
never gets the real truth, and yet
there's another energy transfer
labyrinths are key symbols for.

The pain is felt as a toxicity
draining, sapping, disturbing,
Yes, this homo sapien life
Where messy turned inward.

6/2013 rjduberg

Dedicated to my soul, goddess, and divine mercy...

Angel
by Sarah Maclaclan


Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance,
For a break that would make it okay.

There's always some reason
To feel not good enough,
And it's hard, at the end of the day.

I need some distraction,
Oh, beautiful release.
Memories seep from my veins.

Let me be empty,
Oh, and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight.

In the arms of the angel,
Fly away from here,
From this dark, cold hotel room,
And the endlessness that you fear.
You are pulled from the wreckage,
Of your silent reverie.
You're in the arms of the angel,
May you find some comfort here.

So tired of the straight line,
And everywhere you turn,
There's vultures and thieves at your back.

The storm keeps on twisting.
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack.

It don't make no difference,
Escape one last time.
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness,
Oh, this glorious sadness,
That brings me to my knees.

You're in the arms of the angel,
May you find some comfort here.

Saying it without saying it

Saying it without saying it

One example of this would be the state of breathlessness associated with part of my experience with wise and beautiful women. There's no saying that only breathing it.

Struggle of Ascension

Wrestling with an Angel

I love this painting by Rembrandt. I often feel this way and the knowledge that others do as well and that this may not be due to my defective self is something of a validation.

What though is this impulse to resist higher law and conscious influence? I struggle with it even as I am fully aware of its divinity and authority.

This struggle is nothing more than my egoism asserting itself before existence itself, even when it doesn't exist itself.

We would do well to invent a more illuminating narrative in our psychology, one which doesn't make things or conjure things up to explain the very conflicted and chaotic impulses and behavior which men and women express.

Ramblin' Rosie Mom


How often does your feeling resemble a tornado? In the positive sense of being swept up in a revolving twirling wind of information. Part of this dynamic flux has to do with realizing the only thing preventing us from anything in life is a negative belief. Letting someone declare it for you is another lame way as well. I should say rather that having any negative energy in opposition to your desire around is the quickest sabatoge I know of and the easiest way to not fulfill your desire.

Lately, I guess I've been feeling a lot better because I've seen a lot of shift in my attitude. I know I'm feeling good if I become absorbed in revelerie about a long ago left behind coming of age. Such indelible moments and memories, the happiest I've ever been, even though I was totally ignorant of who I really was.

Alright then, Gestalt Theory won the day again. Fritz Perls was its founder and it continues to be a key piece of knowlege shared between many different disiplines.

Until one begins to perceive silence as the most powerful communication of all, they will not have the ability to see enough to know they're in trouble. Knowing, or getting in touch with as some now say something truthfully doesn't change anything. And the usual ordinary way we exercise our will towards some specific ends is ass backwards and false anyhow.

There is a real solid gold nugget to be found in this process dig, which is when you can divide your attention between the material world and conscious energetic world. If you do that, I don't think there is anything else as powerful for producing a breakthrough into higher consciousness.

Will Power

In order to go with gusto
where the power of will, will
make a difference now
One has to remember
to set the polarity for all
both the blind and seeing
From the material need
one includes the negation
and along with that, arises
the opposite, and a snickers.

The one thing will will not
yet, in respect to chocolate
caramel bite sized candy
called Risens ~ yum yum.

2013 rj

What ENTITLEMENT between people means?


I guess it's no surprise when my first recollection here was a beginning observation regarding how people are unconsciously always viewing and acting in life TO LOOK GOOD. Imagine the permutations on that formula. I don't know that I understand what exactly you meant by superior. IS it his thinking he's superior when he's not, claiming he's superior, acting superior, a superior idiot, LOL - It all seems to reflect our need to LOOK GOOD, by some personal standard mostly a legacy of the culture we grew up in.

But I mean it's one of those things that need an anchor or at least anecdotal reference for them to really work in communicating or relating, for that matter.

Don't forget that in any conflict we have with another, a portion of our commuication is projection, and it is precisely this portion of our communication which is the source of our feeling conflicted at that moment.

The entire story though, if I get you well enough, is what? A displeasure with the way men cope with you as a female? Your drawing a picture which has been drawn over and over throughout time. It does mean anything except that the LINES OF YOUR COMMUNICATION are shewed. The rest your making up about it. The question I think trumps this one is how do these LINES become skewed, which to me seems like a question about a blindness we have or something we're seemingly unaware of.

Given that I don't have a quick answer for that I'll stop here, except to say that one of the LINES that I have found skewing from time to time and at least enough times that the point of lapse became clear to a degree that I can report it fair and succinctly as HUMOR. We often lose our humor, forget about it's value, but basically stop using it when it is really essential to our communication with others being fulfilling, revealing, supporting, encouraging, empowering, and well-received.

I definitely used to take myself a little bit to seriously. It does help to laugh at oneself. If I think of anymore I'll add them...

A place to address one's soul ...

You have to be able to have it, though you often fail to do this. The reason is inner chaos fragmenting your basic integrity as a person. I'm still striving for balance I guess, beginning with some basic alignments. Now there's a hot therapy, re: Alignments.

The central idea would be that balanced moves along with you as your wheel in time goes around, it's position however remaining in the center of the wheel, turning and thus moving along but otherwise staying unchanged along the x,y.

Balance will continue to appear the same at the wheels edge until that day you choose to let this go for something else? Recommend a proactive approach so one doesn't lapse into a culdesac and get stuck.

Stuck is different than having a balance on x,y. Stuck is stuck. LOL

Order and Chaos

I can only emphasize the importance of one's intent (or wish) in the matter. To the degree that you can be both the wish and what is NOT, is the degree to which you can realize your self as source in life.

Life is a movement and LOL, looking around one can see the chaos of movement everywhere yes? For oneself, this is no different for most, their consciousness is a web of oppositional even diametrically opposed desires, impulses, conditionings, etc.

The most important question in this is then what shall be the organizing principle to all of this? What will be the primary wish behind and around which all other wishes order themselves and organize?

Why put it like this? Well, if you actually look, you may see, for yourself. And, what could be more important than that?

Where you don't expect to find it

Charisma, you see it most among your friends. An intense form of contact which always appears as a magnetic attraction, based on two positives, exchanging views and ideas about a double negative they are tugging at against each other.

It's the expansion afterwards full of mystery and divine grace, you shift into Heavy Memory Modes. Sounds like a great blog title or band even.

and so on...

Extending It

Advaita Vedanta is a song in my heart, silent and soulful, feeling like gravity to a mind out of control, looking like nothing I have ever seen nor hope to, yet still the bell of mystery, claiming sovereignty over all.

Dobson, Beyond Space and Time

I love his argument and logic formulating the observation that without particles there would be no fields and without fields there would be no particles. Followed by the observation that it becomes impossible to define any quantity referred to in our physics. Unable to make any positive statements about the reality underlying our physics it is still possible to note it by negation. He leaps from space time to the following negatives: changeless, infinite, undivided. This frames our problem of how this underlying reality shows up or occurs to us as changing, finite, and divided?

He calls this causation by apparition! LOL

Thus mistaking the changeless, infinite, and undivided for something else shows up for us as the changing, finite, and divided because there is nothing else. Brilliant! Eh?

Gravity and electricity are the levels to seeing the infinite but mistaking it. Space now becomes not that which separates the many but that which separates the One.

Have you experienced Non-duality?

Any interpretation of experience is not it. Ultimately, to experience non-duality is to create it, but not in the normal sense of naming or constructing. It is create the possibility of being conscious of consciousness, and if one's desire is sincere enough, entering into and being transformed by that space of possibility of being.

To simply be or abide as consciousness is beyond most for a couple of reasons. (1) Any attempt to achieve this state or reach it annilhates the possibility (2) All definitions, linguistic discourse, symbology, recognition, identification … require the use of dichotic thought. Thus, we're speaking of a new kind of desire which transcends the ordinary mind. A desire born from the mind of nothing or no-self. One does not make sense of such a state or desire. One can only desire it.

Non-duality exists where our being simply is what it is (unstated and undifferentiated), and this can be made distinct from duality and language only indirectly by mostly speaking of what is NOT non-duality (basically anything and everything you can point at, in general). However, if you can fathom the endless unfolding process of being in its gross and physical expression and then embrace what the source of that manifest possibility is, you will be getting warm .

Enlightened Sadness

I think anyone elevated to a point where they're sensitive and capable of verifying the truth, finds a profound sadness to this level of consciousness. It is a consciousness of reality as void - empty and meaningless. People grow up with diverse points of view and beliefs about everything under the sun. Those who enter a spiritual path in order to find the truth will eventually verify it for themselves and annihilate the subjective realm of their minds. Part of this egocentrism from which all subjectivism is expressed, are beliefs associated with happiness, fulfillment, success, entitlement, honor, virtue, hope, even justice. With the fullest conscious verification of reality being void of all that subjectivism, there is this profound loss which is the bell ringing just beyond the veil that they have arrived. What that sadness represents is the point to this level of awareness, which is to totally let go.

Those who succeed in this, transform their ability to verify the truth into a proactive choice. And their verifications become creative manifestations of reality vs. confirmations of the void they sought in their own egocentric subjectivism. This isn't automatic and may require much further work to find and verify the various principles of consciousness leading to further ascending notes in their evolution, but their skill of discernment becomes powerfully critical and subtle in its sensitivity and direct perceptual understanding regarding reality vs what is ordinarily a function of imagination and belief.

On the Flip Side...

What I can tell you is that considering others as in externally to oneself, continues to be a key not only in the Fourth Way but in my own reflection on its personal effects for me ripened over a long period of time. While it is not always at the forefront of my conscious awareness ... I'm so tired of the prescription ... proscription prescription whatever. All I'm saying always depends on and leans against what I don't say. It's the zen koan all over again. If Kutschner plays Steve Jobs in a film being talked about now about Jobs life ... even more off the hook is my medical view right now OR what precedes illness is sometimes just as sick or worse. This factor which is impacting my daily life in a big way doesn't hurt at all for it perhaps being one of the biggest downsides of life as I see. That and sleeping too long or otherwise blocking your girlfriend's own nap time.

I rediscovered the joy of higher consciousenss. It too has a downside, besides the progressive sorrow for risks that cannot be avoided but which have a high probability of changing life's vectors in a significant way. This happens in combination though, with positive upticks multi-dimentsionally.

I'm thinking Apple is in error with its Macbook Pro's ergonomics - Specifically, the edge that feels more like a dull blade against my hands and wrists. It is near the top of vulnerable postures and stress points on my body which if active too long always bark loudly when its time for me to shift my POV.

This User Interace could stand multiple upgrades, and ...

All I'm saying is ... stop the shooting on public ground putting civilians at big risk.

I cannot seem to wake up today. I soooo want to go back to bed. It's been like that all day.

Bringing Forth one's life is never going to be easy, though because the will wavers through time, how you create a perspective about that involes the idea of higher order functioning in defining who and what a human being is and means. Why is that important? You'd be amazed how rare our perspectives even have this minor level of function articulated in them.

The main point is how to remember the polarization in the flow. The flow in general represents both sides of the spectrum and because the zero point is always moving the limit rises to the surface connecting the discrete series into one sequence. Sometimes the bear eats you, and sometimes you eat the bear.

My questions always become painful when i write, why is that? Despite that pain, I still love to write as well as how it makes me feel as a consequence extending a ways into the future, usually, as well.

Theme of an Ocean

A cold desolate beach
Romantic memory laden
Shamelessly irrisistable 
dealing on heat changed
A lot - depending on the light.

All the rough shod traveling
Comes to an end here, still
Alone with Imperial Beach
When I'm ill at best, quiet.

Unchangingly calm & clear
Star light sees stardust
Looking at us rabble rouses
A curiosity of mysteries
And a spectacular attitude.

Happiness

There are a lot of different stories out there, narratives which define and express who we are. Some promote happiness, others are mum; but the story does not evoke or produce the reality every person longs for since birth. And until a man decides to free himself and choose wisely what his story says, these narratives are insidious in the way they entrap and enslave men in what has been the only hell I've ever seen. What could be worse, than cut off, spun out, and oblivious to one's possibilities to ascend and evolve happy? So, that said, I want to take a stab at this idea of the highest state we are forever pursuing whether we acknowledge it or know it, but would be happy to if the idea were real and realizable. Moving mountains was never a concern when man's mind is made up and then dies.

The primary problem is being connected consciously to a purpose larger than oneself. Good ideas, wisely understood and followed, nevertheless is not alive, and our aliveness demands a transcendent exchange to being in relationship to all that possibility which exists as yet a mystery for us.

Consciously knowing this is the proper place to start, and then the real test begins as we grind out a space of vision in which the opportunity may finally arise such that we have enough time and energy to connect before the moment expires.

In fairness to wisdom's principle of balance and harmony, its necessary to say that the process includes failure which one experiences as perhaps the epitome of personal hell, and at best a return to darkness. No fun, and often the precursor to a man's relapse and slip back into a state of sleep.

The Beauty of the Mind

...is its inherent ability to partition experience, codify, and language it, resulting in possibilities one imagines despite all opposition. C-All for our potential of conscious evolution, conscious effort, conscious suffering, and conscious ascension. There is joy in recognizing that seed in one's field of awareness for what and how it is the best feature of our being but paradoxically the beauty of the mind as our personal warden whose capacity to keep us asleep is both real and an illusion. Is it our addiction to the dreams which clouds the way above? How can we step outside of the domain to prepare a higher integral including what's missing, leaving nothing out?

Sea of Unity

A friend shared an old poem of mine with me today and I daresay it deserves to be republished and revisited as an homage to how deep and hot love can ignite in the heart.

Sea of Unity

The sea bequeaths thee
eternity beseems the one.

The yearn of my concern
watches time undone.

Knowing the grand expansion
braves dark dawning sun.

Yet would I find happy a flame
in the cavern of your love.

Even tho I suffer my darling
blessed is my enduring heart.

Our bonfire beats a quickening light
Into spirit’s captivating shine.

Mating the one transcends the two
living as the sea of unity.

© R.J. Duberg , 2004

Miraculous Endpoint

We have greater possibilities than we ever succeed in revealing
Every day, we can choose to renew ourselves in divine direction.
It's one of the most profound phases and transitions we confront.
Accepting external opinions as directions, available flows missed
denying mind the the latitude of time compression for what's best.

Outcomes and bringing forth the human condition for its evolution
Seems dependent on our response and choice of best crossroads.
For the best paths of ascending  open with choice to be conscious
with skills of translation to step up or down any stair communicated
willing a higher power the opportunity to grace a world, miraculous.

© 2/2012 rjduberg

*

A Look from da Utterside: 

An Inv for Recipient Status

I have certainly been given enough energy the last two days, enough to activate some very cold and unused literary talent. Can't tell you what might be at the source of this uptick in my wellness mission. Probably had something to do with some extra money floating around in my accounting. It is still a very discomforting experience for me to check into my physical beingness, moree specifically the instinctual part of the whole physical level of existence to which also defies the greater effort to categorize ourselves properly that such disagreements become settled and past.

Back to this uptick of mine. I have spent many hours the last two dqys writing for the first time in maybe 2 months with a few rare exceptions. Anyway ... it may simply wishful thinking on my part. As it is, I've lost confidence in this specific octave and have no immediate plans to do anything other than spend some quality time with a certain feminine octave instead. One of these days anyway ...

~

Muse z'Darkside

Have forgotten how many or for how long
Mostly due to shifting my focus elsewhere
Lapse of memory is a worthless skill, isn't it?
Oh yeah, now I recall, fricken' hackboys...
Last one whined over lumber blindnesses!?

I have no doubts about my insanity on this
issues regarding my not having the integrity
I ask myself to do and for what next to again
For instance, already in this small strophe I did it
Again almost sly enough I almost didn't recognize
My own complicity in all that I find negative. Oh God...
Us men, poets of the heart, need a muse to survive I find...
What does it mean that writing her poetry failed in the end?
Though on any given day any number of women acted, "As If..."
said a word about the lumber something in your face revealing fear
is how fear looks fueling up too short for an otherwise peaceful passion
Quality over quanity is nasty complex puzzle I rarely achieve - far too brief
trigger of my condition centers on an imperfect and always fading memory.

For all the incomplete scenarios I was responsible for and ashamed
equally important and offsetting positives showed up for me with love
In a perfect world, my muse and I would have not suffered such cause
but would have realized a higher language and a greater skill of respect.
And for that prior expertise, is it no wonder death gets so close to chime in?
How many times did  screech stop all proceedings in push for us to succumb
in destructive self defeat intensified and spread by regressing into childishness.

Passing through the eye, being reborn, raising one's level of consciousness, arereconciled in properly predetermined units of interrelated time crossing up instincts
creating an internal tide of divine fire, which leaves illuminated the evolution to higher
Man's only risk to himself, remains the greatest risk today, because we all get too personal
I do that and there's extra added obsession over meaning. The paradox of truth lies between
whatever that means and however long it takes us to celebrate fully the sacred source of mystery.
1st draft


© 2/2012  rjduberg

And yet ... another falling angel?

Do you see the wings and body's backside?

Something from my phone

Answer to those known not to be "big fans" of poetry

A friend of mine wrote me recently as she and I are in the serial habit of writing each other as such ... I had recently shared an old poem of mine written in 1999 titled, Returning Word, which communicated elegantly something she has some rigid structures of resistance to, with her rational mind appearing disconnected from her heart leaving here uninformed per se. It continues to be a deep teaching moment for me as she persists in creating negations to my forays, turning them into platitudes. Such nonsense, really ... my most recent attempt to garner her understanding is of course culled by a new tact, as of course each new attempt must be I think, for me to continue to express and have any possibility for her. From using poetry I have reversed my focus back to logic and definitions and attention to meta language and communicating integral thought/thinking. 

So, my answer to her statement follows...

What prompts you too close down communication like this?  Impatience, vanity ... what? You realize that I am not my poetry, and you are not your "mission." Maybe you could suggest a metaphor for me other than language for the physical beingness we express? I'm thinking you might go with the vessel -> holy grail legend which you will always be famous in my memory for. The poem I shared with you was my expression to you, it was not an artifact per se but was as relevant the day I wrote it as it is today if not more so. Let me reiterate that - I didn't share or send you a "poem" but rather an expression I have channeled as poetry; but, which follows no formality or set of rules. If there is a basis that can be defined for choosing a creative writing paradigm like poetry to express myself at times, I suppose it is that the heart, at least my heart, I experience as a musical harmony in perfect time, and when relevant find my written discourse simply looks more like poetry than prose, voila. Whenever I speak both from the heart and without rational focus, my words found poetry far more simpatico than the rest of the possible types/classes/genres in the world. So it goes...

From another view, taking Rumi and Hafiz, as well as Whitman, Emerson, Shakespeare, Percy, ahhh, but the list could easily run on and on for me, why? Poetry is far more pleasing to read when one's consciousness is focused on the heart. As a reader, there is really nothing more exciting and rewarding than to discover a new poet, past or present; that, in the reading my heart sings and dances an understanding unto itself.

...

On further reflection I should add that my excitement over understanding a new poet emotionally is not in any sense like a liking for. In fact, a major portion of my favorite poets are really difficult reads (TO SAY THE LEAST  :-). Rather, the excitement is due simply to understanding developed with a concordant illumination within. If the truth were really to be told, I sometimes read prose poetically and vice versa. Such fluidity characterizing my style of listening and reading might be considered as weak in concentration. That conversation is far beyond the scope of this post. Suffice it to say howver, that despite this apparent dissonance in communication (as I understand myself actively through it) my intuition seems to have a precedent level role leading me to more and more properly align myself though formal dictates appear broken. The relevant issue here is of course truth and the discernment required in order to both perceive and appreciate truth. It is a judgement void of personal taste, drama, and concern for external references, standards, fads, styles, etc.

With a proper acknowledgement of my rather banal dualistic revelation on the matter, the conversation regarding the truth of all that which I just now classified as falsifying; again, is a conversation far beyond the scope of this post. Yet again, one strives to be complete, as much as possible, with the greatest most concise amount of brevity one is capable of, particularly when one's tact is rationally based.

Returning Word

Written in 1999, and recently honored in a favorite old poetry forum, when I read it again after more than a decade. I don't know how I managed to produce this then as I surely can't recall when I last equaled this poem. How many poems as this have I also forgotten, one wonders?

Don’t you know I would make it all good
in the image and spirit of all that is good.
There is no mountain tall enough
nor sea deeper than my love for this,
for you have touched me beyond reason
and you found my solitude
with no words spoken for the fragrance
that respects and that respect alone
will never be questioned nor rescinded.

That gift was a dawning star in a gesture
where such a gift means action
and gestures meaningless, save
that which brings forth radiant things
by such means as a simple nod
an unheard motion or voice emboldened.

A language heard by galaxies as poetry
laughing fat and heavy like any progeny
such as you, keeper of my silence,
illuminated of those listening within.
Bearer of heavenly bodies rank and file
sweet brigand radiant lovers of peace,
you manifest light silent but penetrating
manifesting now honor and my thanks.

Making a solitary moment of smiling
from here below on all you’ve done
acknowledging you’re immeasurable
surely the source of everything with
a face of peace to which I listen.

© R.J. Duberg , 1999

Tongue of Love

The movement of life is a song
and my love is a feeling so long
the essence sustains not yet proud
a torrent under every passing cloud.

And above there, the mind still plays
for a rest, clarity of reeds does the wind
that love sings silently within the heart
a higher vibration called to liberate.

That which remains indescribable to me
My love offers boon in a conscious voice
And embracing new dimensions of being
comes on the lap lick of a wagging tongue.

© 12/31/2011 rjduberg

My Ineffable Leanings Today

As a longtime student of Gurdjieff's work, at one time enthusiastically participating in what I persuaded myself was a real esoteric school of the fourth way with a conscious teacher in place, discovering my mistake was easily the greatest shock in my life since the original shock I received after awakening from my sleep a short while after finding Ouspensky's, The Psychology of Man's Possible Evolution. That first shock was understanding the truth about how little truth and reality actually figured in my psychology, a humbling failure to simply stay conscious for a short walk from the bookstore to my dorm at UCSB was all it took. After rejecting outright my upbringing indoctrination into the Lutheran Faith not a moment after being confirmed, there was no easy way to relapse or lose the sense of gravity which that choice was based on. To renounce any of portion of the automatic inculturated programming which our youth absorbs and believes unconsciously and without critical discernment, nevermind such a massively moral code like religious faith requires a level of fearless ferocity in relationship to one's own mechanical need of comfort and approval that without at least some modicum of support from one's guardians or parents the possibility feels altogether imaginary. I happened to be graced by a Mother whose wish for me to be completely free to become my own man and make my own decisions, achieve my own successes and failures, was steadfast in her being my mother. This required some huge suffering of her own to achieve growing up, as she rebelled against the hugely indoctrinated and moral code of her parents by running away from home at as young teen before the age of adulthood with a muscian to live away from the oppression and feeling servitude which she experienced as a result of her brother being a prodigy despite being blind and taking away all the attention and support that she genuinely deserved but didn't feel coming and took this circumstantial situation as the gravest form of suffering any child receives short of actual harmful abuse. Children need to be cared for properly with vital aliveness of the best in us, at least, don't you think. Negligence of children is to cripple the best in them in both their happiness when young and throughout the rest of their life. She ran away from home with a young pianist studying with her brother because he gave her the attention she so badly needed. When his short sabbatical here ended off she went with him back to his home in Mexico City. Her recovery was I suppose at best something one might call civil in terms of relations, but looking back at my her parents and my experience of them growing up I can immediately recognize the undercurrent of negativity which to mom's credit was kept in check through a resurgent dedication as an obedient and grateful adult. With this perspective then one may be able to appreciate just how lenient and careful she was with me to always be there for me and yet do her best not to micro-manage or pass judgement as a parent since she knew first hand the kind of pain that way of being towards a child can create.

Interestingly enough without going into a long story about its arising, this commitment and stand on her part did not prevent her negative programming which her parents unconsciously dumped on her until she completely rebelled and ran away from homed from inciting me to do the very same thing during my senior year in High School. My sojourn was quite short however and not so far as to keep me from finishing school.

The important issue here was that to her credit there was enough conscious work at NOT being oppresive the way her parents were that I actually developed some level of understanding about my role and how it related to her actions in terms of what they made possible as a result. That with a protracted illness my father suffered, dying in my arms shortly before entering the confirmation process, and I was primed and prepped to act out radically in honor of these experiences.  Experiencing my father's death so intimately sealed in me the gravity which my mother's wishes for me might not otherwise have made much of a difference. But after he died, not a day has ever passed that I have not contemplated death and life's fragile uncertainty.

So, when I participated in an exercise suggested by Ouspensky in his introduction to fourth way work designed to produce the first shock which has to do with GETTING one's inability to do or remain conscious, I knew that I had found precisely what religious faith, morality, and teaching lacked,. Authentic possibility and experience vs. a story. That first shock was internal in perspective and quite hard to share. Talking about it, and sharing it I've found does not induce in others the same experience that I had back in the beginning, due in my opinion to what I've shared here leading up to this point regarding specific conditions present in my childhood, shaping and influencing my process as it did. The next shock however, is an external one that I had when I realized the lack of integrity and proper care given by the conscious teacher I had adopted for several years. The disappointment was devastating, and my satisfaction in the work has never recovered yet to the point of finding a truly authentic conscious teacher to work with. Having been so taken in only to find my gullability irrevocably established upon the "teacher's" lack of conscious being reflected in his inappropriate and harmful exploitations of and abuses of his students for sexual and thus completely narcissitic and sociopathic gratifications, I have at least been ferocious in my assessments of everyone hence. There have been many teachers and yet none have succeeded in impressing me consciously at least as fourth way teachers of the caliber of Ouspensky or Gurdjieff. I don't deny that history is replete with such masters, but none of them remain beyond their aesthetic appeals and artifacts  paying homage to their enlightened state and its capacity to produce higher impressions. It's only necessary to think of the Poetry of Rumi for example or the writings of Lao Tzu, or the Buddha to understand the nature of this higher energetic impression such master's works and remaining arftifacts communicate and create for those able to receive higher influence.

While I haven't actually run across a charismatic false prophet like the one that fooled me in the beginning, everyone since then while at times well versed and even charismatic in their self-expression and passion for the work only get as far as proclaiming and telling the story over, which I've developed a very sensitive "taste" for by its interpretive color and trapped design given by today's culture and way of doing things.

It's nothing short of such sorrow that I almost cannot bare to share, only that I am aware that such thought is unrelated to the reality of listening and response which others will actually have. In a culture of impassioned commitment to looking good, this change of heart and attitude is unexpected except for the fact that I continue to study the master's and fourth way ideas though without disipline or confidence that one would necessarily expect from having an authentic teacher to consult and learn from.

I'm still alive, despite many instances in which I could have easily expired and died, and as long as I'm still alive I will remain grateful if just for my magnetic center and its level of gravity which continues to bring me over and over back to a proper first shock with gratitude and evermore acceptance.

Life with ESRF

End Stage Renal Failure. Complicated by Congestive Heart Failure and Restless Leg Syndrome. Spent most of last month in the hospital while my doctor's tweaked my medicine for days. I've been home now for about a week and doing better, but nothing near what I recall having when more healthy. One might say I've been through the wringer, but the truth is that its only just beginning. I do look forward to the day when I can really sink my teeth into some esoteric writing. I guess I'll just use this as a repository for my wish list of things to write on for now....

How the higher emotional center finds its patience: Focus on Long Thoughts

Putting Inifinity and Eternity into Perspective

The myopic view of Creationism 

America's Politics:  A Void of Leadership, A Lack of Perspective

Depression
The Art of the Interview: Safely Illiciting Trust, Freshness of Perspective