Love Lost Again ... How Many Times?

Never fails to inspire me when a lover like Stephanie goes cold... partly because of the difficulty in describing and sharing the experience, I mostly reserve for poetry ... this one seems a solid contribution to the legacy of such moments of sheer loneliness bringing up such suffering, nothing really can adeuqately cope but a good sound chaotic thrashing of words for effect.

I hope she never reads this, because the odds of her recovery and bringing me such inspiration unlike anything I've known has established something of a good foundation promising a stable production for now... but who knows ...

For The Fool

Just the ranging depth and flow of emotions coming from loving her
of this one extreme gear made just for her; but, irrelevant now, gone.
And my entire point of contact reduced to bits of overused memory.
I know my heart won't last swinging in this complex wind of the injury.
Where the one I always knew would come - showed up to spite me
as though her own pain was somehow my fault, with my agreement.
I don't have her, though I never stopped wanting, but to fall this low
having the one girl meant for me, betray that love, lie and abandon.
There is a cancer spreading over my interior fire, a flame in her name
once roaring hot, now spits and pisses like a sick and wretched sod.

Her space grows cold and small for me, and I'm decided against it.
How do you tell the one, she's destroyed you, when she's a goddess?
There's no time like the present for new love, the years pass though.
Ummmm ... forever gone, and mostly complicated by rarest beauty
convinced me of little to no possiblity a Love will properly claim me
and thus ... love did cripple, maim, disfigure, diminish, and muck
a life, mine this time, and for so long, it now hurts to think about it,
impossible for me to make any real sense or understand this curse.
The one remaining move is called giving up the dream, for the fool.

COPYRIGHT © 4/2011 rjduberg

A triad of poetry

Dad

Dad
Dad
Dad, Amazing, overcome
    in the end
Ochopappi, RIP?
    UnUh - Do Over, ya miss.ed
the mark - Dot.Org
    the one and only
Ya can't hang *in* forever
    unless you chose sun
    You are coming back, Jack

Nathanji

The container of
    lead
That boxy limit of
    mess
Somehow comes down
    in a paradox
When Shiva and Shakti
    remember
One was Not, without
    the Other
The unity is singularity
    in choice
That simple Dot.Org
    in a Bush War
Not so easily done
    and yet,
That choice does
    work
If One remembers Not
    to forget

Percy WhoosHe 
Percy Jackson & the Olympians

Latest Potter redux pivot
    on paradigm shifted
Choice of Greek Mythology
    to first scored effects
And a blue-eyed Uma Glam
    in serpentine

© 4/2011 rjduberg

 Kabir says (One of the most famous of Indian sages of all time)

Friend, hope for the Guest while you are alive.

Jump into experience while you are alive!
Think ... and think ... while you are alive.
What you call "salvation" belongs to the time before death.
If you don't break your ropes while you're alive,
do you think ghosts will do it after?
The idea that the soul will join with the ecstatic
just because the body is rotten --
that is all fantasy.
What is found now is found then.
If you find nothing now, you will simply end up
with an apartment in the City of Death
If you make love with the divine, now, in the next life
you will have the face of satisfied desire.
So plunge into the truth, find out who the Teacher is,
believe in the Great Sound.

It Happens All the Same

You didn't want to hear the shocking directness.
It really is the only decline, I decline routinely so.
When ignorance is annoying, all sleep is shocking
with all but the longest odds bringing it for an upset.

Just not your broadcast, where anything gets done
on the heel of hearing a few points spoken of, only.
Some say kind and gentle borders love's departure
where something named turns a man's heart, over.

Love slows the pace to the rate of understanding
where the light shines on places between transits.
And on that spot, we stand shaking, holding on
only letting you go can cure and find the holy.

Today is no longer a secret or mystery landscape
where one's death is all to easily lost to illusions.
Come and connect discrete paths of life extension
Acts of power increasingly free man from death.

There is the wind and the wind is us, passerbys.
When you take the moment for silent meditation
wait, wait, wait for that wave of quiet in mind.
Being kind and gentle will quickly be extended.

For the joke about enduring love in relationship
is clearly about comparing it to a grill's rusting.
Finally its simplicity of range over wide areas
that seems basis for the mass of best endurances

Which has nothing to do with wandering ladies
Everything required to expand and extend love
is already present and existing in one's interior.
That range is a matter of attending there greater.

COPYRIGHT © 4/2011 rjduberg

Maturity of a Warrior

One changes facades by shifting the component elements of the facade itself. Self pity is useful to the user because he feels important and deserving of better conditions, better treatment, or because he is unwilling to assume responsibility for the acts that brought him to the state that elicited self-pity. Changing the facade of self-pity means only that one has assigned a secondary place to a formerly important element. Self-pity is still a prominent feature; but it has now taken a position in the background, in the same fashion that the idea of one's impending death, the idea of a warrior's humbleness, or the idea of responsibility for one's acts were all in the background at one time for a warrior, without ever being used until the moment he became a warrior. A warrior acknowledges his pain but he doesn't indulge in it. - Castaneda

 All these tweaks of one's foreground/background configuration doesn't add up some how. I like here how certain elements of experience are clearly seen as purposeful aids in one's living and practicing the art of being a warrior.

Spring Humming Along Now...

Springtime alas wild and noisy fornicating, brutality submerged in nature's gushing fount of hormones. Your Bumble Bee Buzz came to me today at the golf course, and I waited for the danger to show itself coming on around my noggin's backside. Turns out it was the most unbelieveably colored humming bird who took a perch and simply eye balled me while its engine fluttered in neutral still revving noticeably, threatening to explode in birdy flurry of which the hummingbird is so famous for. Craning its little neck to keep his eyeball on the surrounding foilage and the other one on me, and the most amazing sheens of radiant spring color would wildly change on the birdy's neck even while I observed.

Thanks for reminding of something only spring seems interested in, bursting forth like a broken dam only in a diversity of life second to none.

John Abe's Totality

Don't miss a beauty of simplification in Abe's eloquent offer at his site IMTOTALITY

After I read his philosophical treatsie I posted this for discussion...

Just finished my first read, and admit to skimming the last page or two. But in celebration of an inspiring effort by JA, I will move along to a 'session' before revisiting what I didn't have time for tonight.

On Knowing and Going...I would like to talk about the aspect of higher energy descending consciously for myself, On the wave form side of things I would as well ask if the mathematical model's logic which formed part of the source of Abe's writing, doesn't extend better or further or recursively even given the model's essential legacy in its litany of function, operation, variability, and application in the very history of the idea of space as suggested as a command of the flat line state of origin. So, I'd love to hear someone's understanding of expressing higher vibration on the symbolic lexicon of Abespeak as it were. So far we have the logic for Totality in connection to everything finite, changing, coming and going, here and not-there, but also here and not-here looking from Totality.

Factoring is a good variant for example. Can anyone express the code to that calculus which solves for at least one aspect of higher vibration and energy using factoring on THIS IS IT.

OR, maybe you have a superior TOPIC infusing your mind right now with such knowledge that is FACTORED by design, but by design how?

Are Abe's ideas based on another unspoken rule of simplicity which is forged by the very unevolved logic called either/or, is attempting to plow forward without the ALPHA point of Totality, missing some internal point of integrity?

The view that without certain fortifications, IMHO, Abe's philosophy doesn't recognize or raise more METHODS (really harder than that sounds, denoting illumined path) to confirm key point of our capacity and ability to shift consciousness to unboundedness and higher or dimensions transcending time and space.

TOPICS seem of immense importance as wave forms, states, or equations. It seems lacking in more sophisticated logical terms...

Anyway, for starters, I think there are a couple of possibilities for anyone to ponder and respond to. Thanks, rj

An Inside look at 'not-doing' life, from inside the shadows

Focusing on life by finding the void instead of the fulfillment, is more aligned to a shadow realm, to start. Taking the step towards unity of being, by expanding the number of dimensions you can activate, sounds like nonsense when expressed in words. As a paradox defines every extension of mind to higher dimensions, apply same here. Speaking from the heart can make writing difficult, no matter; such is the challenge.

The mission is like considering and working up the juevos to be more conscious at higher levels by intent. If it is ONLY a matter of personal power, just how the being expresses itself as a new process period, for starters... Think happiness would be an open stage to observe energetics of being. That would have to be replaced right away, still a good place to start, even if ... most people cannot relate to having it (state of perfection, ideal) be perfect the 1st time through, and the dry runs that indicates. Assuming it for the moment though, I find myself compelled to consider the difference in how higher personal power both is and is not more important than everything else. It isn't because ultimately nothing is more important, and yet it is.

Best Fresh Fantasy, awarded to IT

What a hand can do to you...

Holdem is a fascinating game of 3 passes, the flop, a second, and the river. The river is basically the last card you get. I had pocket KK tonight, and started raising in the ante. I guessed his pocket AA (I was right). On flop I got my set of Kings, and checked to his betting his Aces with no raise. On the river, an Ace played leaving me a losing hand, both of us having full houses.

The point of the story was how a winning hand turns horribly wrong and loses you a lot of money. I will spend the rest of the night wondering how I could have changed that outcome. Pocket As would have to be strongest MOJO you can have face down. I played them down in the beginning because I wanted him to feel he was still leading and bet his money for my call. Had I come out betting, he would have to consdier the set of Kings as my motivation. In fact, it was, and by not betting them I assured myself of another (in this case he bet $1) side bet on top of everything. If I had correctly contemplated that river A, especially given its Full Tilt Poker ... I should have been expecting the set up. In the past, when I've been smarter than tonight and did expect it, I can always recall doing better because I lost less.

I'm sure at least one of my neighbors heard me moan loudly at the loss.

What is more painful is how closely this comes to what i hate the most about the web. Nobody can deny it's "the" perfect setup for it. Denial is so attractive to accepting that one is hopeless to certain temptation. The Sin of Man is pure genius and has to be seen as the real reason that Christianity has survived as long as it has as well as been the foundation of the weakest and darkest ages man has gone through.

Now you have Madison Scott, porno star cum art gallery owner, doing anal scenes to support the lagging art business she began. And the bio is clearly a pro prostitution procreative protoy proliberal in its position on sex. That Madison comes across so sexy in her pornos is the heart of the matter though, and yet, I know that if there are porno queens out there living off their porno income, maybe Madison is simpliy being scapegoated?

On the topic of scapegoats, I can see myself adding again to that list. I have a few on there already, and one I simply want there because...

Leveling Up by Rita King (3rd in a series of 3)

Rita King, innovator-in-residence at IBM's Analytics Virtual Center and security futurist at the Aspen Institute, has made a very positive contribution at least in theory with a web site she has started, called, Levelingup.com. I recently caught a vid of her in which she described her vision of the future and how virutual reality was capable of enhancing our experience of creativity in the virtual world in order to improve and enhance our experience of being in the real world. And in conclusion she shared this new site of hers with the audience and basically said that if you give us the challenge we will make it happen ... LOL, right? So, I went to the site and all she has is a box to state your challenge with the promise that when the site opens, or perhaps when she gets finished being worked over by her legal department, she will get to you with a solution, hmmmmm ... well, this couldn't have come at a better time for me and my current little exposition and exploration of dance as an art form, shifting the focus from that rather classical paradigm of physical movement with all its bells and whistles to the paradigm of thought, more tapered to that small but leading section we call politics and which is the arena in which our collective self is attended to for the good of the many ... Well, if you're still reading, I highly insist that you visit the site and engage it with a challenge, and absorb the experience of this site as deeply as you can. Here's a copy of what I submitted and represents something a third section or revision to the original writing titled Who Speaks For You? This one is titled, The Rita Suggestion

The Challenge I face is observing a certain defect in humanity's social collective consciousness. For instance, at some point in the history of USA, our leaders determined that the cost in establishing a federal agency which regulated and supervised the quality of food and drugs sold to the public was not so great as the cost of innocent people being harmed by either their own ignorance or the greedy dishonesty of people who made promises about effects which often times targeted the weakest of us the most defenseless and most desperate. Yeah, that's a tragedy but when the volume of incidents reached such a noticeable daily increasing rate ... our leaders decided to man up.

The first part of this challenge is simply how to word the analogous question as it pertains to a different dimension or paradigm of being, that of our intellect. Everyday, it seems like the volume of corruption, in which marketing equates to manipulating the mind to consume, increases. This condition represents for me what used to be unconscionable sellers of sub quality food and drugs before the FDA was created to insure that money spent by those without enough, at least wouldn't be lost on food that was unhealthy.

There are certain boundaries which are better left clear and intact, unblurred as Rita might say. One of them is between commerce and relationship. When you piggy back commerce onto relationship then you have corrupted the possiblities of that relationship by limiting them to profitable exchange. However, the true serendipity of relationship occurs in the moments between and during what we normally think of as tragic or nonsensical and foolish. It is only then, supported by the nature of intimate relationship itself that we have the ability to pay attention and learn something new outside of our own programming, and even that occurs rarely and only in the most ideal types of intimacy unbounded by egoism.

The plain version of this challenge looks to me like my ability to simply be in the real world unfettered and unthreatened as I move and breathe, by consumerismistic information (advertising). Junk mail, and spam, come to mind as indicative of the LEVEL OF cost associated with this problem. I don't know the exact numbers, but were talking astronomically perverse, which is NOTHING BUT WASTE.

So, is there a way to lead the world that separates consumerism from the everyday world of being?

The Minds' Dance (2nd in a series of 3)

The connection will find itself better articulated when I revise this essay, referring to the connection between what a ballet production at ABT for instance is all about and what serves as the essential counterpart venue for the intellect of man, suggested by my question as off handedly as I could think of putting it.

Movement as an art form, known as Ballet, has been raised to such a symphonic work that by itself it includes our emotions via music and our intellect via storylines. However, classic the those contributions are to the production it is the dancer whose movement seems to transcend natural law in expressing how the music and story are connected using the most sublime and masterful movements which resonate fully and completely and perhaps more than anything else NEWLY.

This aspect or focus is what portends the deeper experience of being she talked about. This is less a deeper experience of being than a more connected or integrated experience of being. The connection to my question Who Speaks For You? goes directly to the distinct possibilities which one might answer that question with. If it be myself, then we are speaking about a production of integrity expressed through THINKING NEWLY, if it be other than myself, then we are referring to what is fragmented in the mind, our conformity to social and family programming (just for starters).

Intellectual paradigms are still far too ordinary and disorganized for anything like a unified standard skill to take root around the globe. There is the obstacle of culture, language, and this is all complicated by severe differences in cognitive values, for instance in the west be they rational and reductionistic, and in the east ... not that.

So ... the real underlying question about the title, Who Speaks For You? is the question HOW LONG IS HUMANITY GOING TO PUT UP WITH THIS DEFECT in their collective unity and loss of power that persists as long as this condition persists?

I recognize that a few maverick geniuses do exist. I cited Jon Stewart for example, but another one is Werner Erhard and his work regarding developing linguistic distinctions and understanding which may form the basis and foundation upon which a solid mastery of the paradigm of paradigms may be acquired and NEWLY THOUGHT.

What I'm also saying is that NOTHING WILL HAPPEN UNTIL a critical mass of people demand it, voicing a loud enough public will to action, and the idea is or must be as simple as for instance the FDA was. And yet, at this moment, the real eloquence of that distinction eludes me, for now...

Who Speaks for You? (1st in a series of 3)

A friend of mine is a professional ballet coach. There is no denying her genius for dance and movement. In a written statement she shared with me which although not written by her was something she felt compelling for how it brought a certain complete and balanced mental perspective on what her daily activity is so passionate about, at least in general terms. The eloquence of this statement for me was founded on the idea that what the author (a professional ballet dancer) is "doing" on stage is seen as something co-created, a deeper experience of being.

If only reason and thought were so easily judged and assessed by the rest of humanity as an audience of world class ballet attends. Where are we to begin this process of focusing our attention with respect to words and ideas.

And what does the overload of info and the glut of facimile (or mentation, reason, and thought which doesn't produce depth in the reader or listener only frustration and dissatisfaction) mean, and when and where will it stop growing in mass and volume? Is there a limit to how much noise and distraction a mind can withstand and remain healthy and balanced nevertheless? The difference in listening seems yet to genuinely be appreciated for what it is - as social pressure adheres us to conform and accept false images and copies of copies of copies, including pure garbage and nonsense.

It seems to me that even a freshman whose study includes logic and heuristic thought would understand that society lacks a certain intellectual integrity which for instance, at least in principle and authorized by law, a suitable agency exists whose mission is to maintain and safeguard certain standards of healthy food production, known as the FDA in the USA. Such institutions in society just don't manifest without tremendous public pressure, which is nothing more than a collective agreement demanding societal change as 'good' in the collective sense of the word. And by good, I also mean implicitly necessary in the sense that to continue the status quo has been demonstrated to be completely negative and destructive of the public welfare and good. Often, inertia can be directly traced to a certain ambivalence of need collectively IE too many pros and cons. Rational sober debate is a starting point and ending point for the mind in that arena, but what about issues which have little support simply due to their being for lack of a better term, revolutionary?

There are speaks of brilliance, conscious efforts of men in support of a saner deeper intelligently relevant mentality to be somehow benchmarked at least by our communities and countries leadership. Jon Stewart is a favorite, but it doesn't take too much thinking to understand his comedy is really armor against the system which he is trying to reveal for all of its corruption, idiocy, mechanicalness, hypocricy, and every other notion of mediocrity you can think of ... its all here, running our lives and minds, and there is yet NO ground swell of protest, nobody with "a dream."

Don't you find that simply becoming all too wrong? What will it take for us to organize against the insanity of conformity, the corruption of economies, the pollution of ecologies, all in all, phenomenon which reflect a certain missing integrity to the humanity's intelligent recognition of the balance and value of silence in the realization of mental integrity.

The first mistake is to think that truth is a commodity for sale, or that it can be purchased. There is no pitch, no argument, no credential nor membership or club, which can provide your mind with the truth. There is a world however, devoid of any order, thus; one merely has to look at the next step their mind's about to take to find their own grist to grind.

Quotations Archive

He knows his death is stalking him and won't give him time to cling to anything, so he tries, without craving, all of everything." - don Juan in A Separate Reality, by Castaneda

"Warriors always take a first event of any series as the blueprint or the map of what is going to develop for them subsequently." - don Juan in The Second Ring of Power, by Castaneda

"Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your woman and to the world, and do what you can to give it today. Every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose." - The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida

The task is not so much to see what no one yet has seen, but to think what no body yet has thought about that which everyone sees. ... But life is short, and truth works far and lives long: let us speak the truth. (Arthur Schopenhauer, 1818)

Look in an Open Wound

This will heal in time. I can't say how it happened...
the first stub to keep me from walking, knifed back
until now - now she's stumbling, past any new view
no righteous female commander to world of intent
and the highest point in the history I call romance.

Stubborn, arrogant, fixed and dogmatic, her surprise
was not, bringing me typical denial to hide behind,
but how long I reflected it back to her and endured
the ache, now the break, of my achy breaky dis-cord.
Whenever she calls me friend, I will not forget to love
and forgive life for the shadows and darkest skies.

The irony is a stub the one dancer I've loved left me.
Taken really, by the cliche of her domestic paradise.
Points for style, points for grace, points for her face,
knowing the best has long past, leaving us to suffer
what a genius was born for, blood alchemy of bliss.

Just the debris while cutting free from binds to other
becomes, yet another bind in a frantic list of action
taking me away from inspired dreams, made of love.
Time slows, with every step unsure, and goals fade,
until the best, last, fade surrenders all vision of her.

3/2011 rjduberg

Traveling, Mists Come

A motion is felt, the move of land
is a world now alive to misty being.
Passing is perceived, empty the way
A man is thrown to lurching illusion
his genius is there, but rarely seen.
As he wins or loses, it matters not.

It's recognizing possibility of intent
and its relationship to his intention
the unseen mystery of his interior
illuminated by self-remembering
and liberated by higher measure
his genius is the principle act for.

Turning great diversity into consort
revealing the genuine man within
a compendium within outer chaos
emptiness that moves the cosmos
and all at once still void, paradox.
The Tao symbolizes this in elegance.

Like a drum, the eagle percusses
shocking the stream into waves
rising, with silent bleats, in wind.
The word is a prism of us in one
whose genius reverbs in an Om
a sound with shine of the aplomb.

A mind may dream such insight
in wordless act, indescribable
for seeing, preeminent, eternal
as much the fish as water when
swimming is for the fallen spirit
and man, one wayward station.

Sounds of my carriage circulate
in ears to points of material map
my golden steed's heedless step
met-a-for_mer whinny in a neigh
longing for wildest love to prevail
for a tour that travels everywhere.

And yet, a call beyond destiny
boggles travel, as mists come
just entering a gate, fey inclines
one must be open in this way
before the way opens to one.
Look inward unto inner find...

A Mood Uplifter

Yesterday I found myself sending the following graphics to Stephanie, with the exception of the one of her in her wedding dress. But each one represents one of the fundamental centers of being in the Fourth Way. Having created this range in such a way between her and I, while it wasn't something I was consciously thinking about today, has certainly been on my mind at times in the past and suddenly today I find quite a remarkable snap of intent to see it through...

The centers of function here are moving, emotional, intellectual, and sexual.

Starting with One's First Intention

"Warriors always take a first event of any series as the blueprint or the map of what is going to develop for them subsequently." - don Juan in The Second Ring of Power, by Castaneda

 
I'm going to let this post simply be a place marker for now. The completion of this essay hasn't really surfaced in my mind, although the value of FIRST INTENTION, never seems to leave it.

What I want to say has to do with that value and it not only being the first value but the greatest and last, the alpha and omega of one's life. If you haven't asked yourself this question, you haven't lived your life yet. If you haven't struggled with this question, you haven't examined the possibiliities of your life. If you haven't lived this question you haven't tasted the beauty of truth or the power of eternity.

Quotations Archive

All minds quote. Old and new make the warp and woof of every moment. There is no thread that is not a twist of these two strands. By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote. We quote not only books and proverbs, but arts, sciences, religion, customs and laws; nay, we quote temples and houses, tables and chairs by imitation. -Emerson

But the inventor only knows how to borrow. . . . Every book is a quotation; and every house is a quotation out of all forests and mines and stone-quarries; and every man is a quotation from all his ancestors. - Emerson

Our character is thus borne toward eloquence by how we conspire with the winds that sound us out, with how we respond to our shifting centers and play along the heaving circumferences of our condition. - Emerson

The Book of Mormon, A Broadway Musical

Find a "review" of Jon Stewart's interview with the creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone at popwatch.ew.com, on their latest production titled, The Book of Mormon. While I haven't seen the show yet and may not for some time, from everything I've heard and read so far I am encouraged enough to feel confident in promoting this show unequivocally.

There was a moment in the interview with Jon when the word mystery was spoken as something primary to their purpose aka their personal higher authority/power. I like the idea of how they appear to be escorting in to society teaching perspectives on how to utilize mystery as an explorative tool, with the result being something quite germaine to peace and harmony. Certainly, a key step in manifesting peace is one's ability to be open to and appreciate different points of view. I think its appropriate that their "religion of mystery," representing a collective evolution in the paradigm of religion, would be expressed musically with its revelations in humor. In a post religious world of genuine holy freedoms these elements would be my preference, for starters anyway.

Quotations Archive

“Things are saturated with the moral law. There is no escape from it. Violets and grass preach it; rain and snow, wind and tides, every change, every cause in Nature is nothing but a disguised missionary.” - Emerson

“Fate involves melioration. No statement of the universe can have any soundness, which does not admit of its ascending effort.” - Emerson
"...and the true romance which the world exists to realize, will be the transformation of genius into practical power." - Emerson

“A man should know himself for a necessary actor,” Emerson states. “A link was wanting between two craving parts of nature, and he was hurled into being as the bridge over that yawning need, the mediator betwixt two else unmarriageable facts.” - Emerson