Finally, it's been about this...

The title of this blog holds the space though represents the process producing the words here which for me include a faded recreation of the evolving itself, thus only and actually from the past and ghosted over.

But, given the task to express one's vision or top goal or purpose for writing a book, and this blog being the closest thing I currently have to a book, I somehow managed to thread its beginning all the way back to my father's promise to me to inform me about life after death. That was 38 years ago and has yet to happen.

I can comfortably say that my life has been about that promise and its lack of fulfillment which I still relate to with a painstaking still patience but which I hide with all manner of ineffective initiative and action.

So then, to whom can I find help regarding this insight now? Perhaps no one will step forward without a bill and compensation, all of which creates a degree of suspicion about yet another treatment, change, etc. which you can well imagine I am exhausted by over the last 30 plus years of such trying efforts.

Sounds crazy to me but I cannot hide from the fact that what my life is about is seeking a means to resolve my father's lack of communication after his death. It is just to inconsistent with his having made the promise to me shortly before he died in my arms to begin with.

To attempt a positive spin perhaps I could say my life is about how touching death with one's heart is unwise without being able to completely let go of our former bonds to the life having just passed in our presence.

How to reduce this to the most powerful language is my current task before progressing it seems....

Tinkering with Stover, is it enough to delete by accident?

OMG! Using browser blog editor earlier today, I wrote a fairly indepth piece on the moment titled Now This... it was quick and fast but really an important look into my research into Tantra, but wait...

Tonight saw me switch over to review a earlier more intellectual influence named Jessica Stover, a creative talent quick to cite her literary contexts as relevant and classical elegance like that has never grown old for me. Anyway, here to enter something noteworthy before proceeding into the later hours of my night tonight, I clicked a button titled clear content before having published it to to my blog, thus losing a degree of value I deemed important regarding my wish to evolve my health and healing.

Now here I am with Stover's quote and praise for this insight which I have repeatedly every day regarding how I perform my tasks at the golf course and achieve a daily freshness which represents more importantly a ongoing refinement and greater efficiency in my production.

She refers to Nassim Nicholas Taleb, author of the The Black Swan: The Impact of the HIGHLY IMPROBABLE....and I excerpt on the following ...

" Random tinkering is the path to success. And fortunately, we are increasingly learning to practice it without knowing it--thanks to overconfident entrepreneurs, naive investors, greedy investment bankers, confused scientists and aggressive venture capitalists brought together by the free-market system.

We need more tinkering: Uninhibited, aggressive, proud tinkering. We need to make our own luck. We can be scared and worried about the future, or we can look at it as a collection of happy surprises that lie outside the path of our imagination."

In my experience there is a very concrete level to this phenomenon. And it has to do with achieving a level of productive expertise and repetitive competence which can carry a simple codex of steps to direct any layperson to recreate such competent productivity with some acceptable degree of imperfection. I achieve every other day in my routine tasks in outside service at CVGC. When I become unconsciously adept at performing, my first impulse after food, sex, and comfort is to "tinker" with the way. Generally, such tinkerings have a positive and negative impact, achieving some new potential path of action having inspired it in the first place, but such change causing the ordered roll at that moment to become imbalanced and different. Different how? To some degree the result changes which is the ultimate measure of any cause in the first place, that by gauging its effect.

What's interesting is how naturally my mind responds to such results in terms of assessing their value in terms of the ERROR which relates the change in effect. To correct that error becomes the meta-tinker phase of tinkering and is in my mind central to our creativity as it relates to transformation and breakthrough success.

So, it is that only ERROR gives way to SUCCESS and what we desire as the completed result. As new editions of completion via this process of error correction take place, the meta-phase of the process becomes conscious, its metaphysical value, the transcendence of illusion and dichotomy to integral processing and being clear in reality.

More later....

Gut Check to a Shocking Poem

A stunning poem and my comment for the record...

The price to pay...

I sat and watched her as she slept,
Her skin so ghostly white.
I saw as dark'ning shadows crept,
Escaping from the light.

The deathly Angel spread his wings
To take her soul away
As Heaven's choirs plucked gentle strings
In random disarray.

I watched her as her movement ceased;
Her body lay so still
As if the Angel had released
All suffering and ill.

At last I cried, my voice returned,
"Please stop, don't take her now."
The Angel looked, so unconcerned,
With boredom on his brow.

"Kill me," I sighed, "Kill me instead,
And I will take her place."
The Angel said, "But she is dead,
Look down upon her face."

I hoped that with the Saviour's grace
My plea could be allowed.
My tears were wet upon my face,
I pleaded long and loud.

"Her soul is free from sin and pure
But yours is dark and black.
Your words are childish, immature,
Why should I bring her back?"

The Angel's words were straight and true
But still I forced my plea.
Though he refused I tried anew
He must not disagree.

At last he smiled and held my eye;
"Your wish is in my hand;
I have decided to comply
But you must understand;

"Your life is ended as we speak
And she will live once more.
The tears have dried now on your cheek-
So let us count the score.

"You cannot take the vacant place
In Heaven where she'll dwell;
For you are doomed from now to face
Eternity in Hell."

Davidmm fro Poetry 4 Suzanne Blog 3/17/09

Hi David,

Just read your poem. I have to say that I haven't read or watched or attended such a simple and potent dramatic scene that I can remember in such a while, the overwhelming loss, the sacraficial offer, only to be wrecked on the turnabout twist at the end.

While I know this scenario is cliche, you had done such a nice job of recreating it, and in doing so with such a highly valued human sentiment bridging upon the mystical and religious, one never tires of such renditions which elegantly capture the essence of this spiritual drama, at least for me. Which leads me to speculate on your reason for turning this whole drama upside down as you did.

I can't recall any enduring stories in which a man (or woman) negotiates with a higher power to save and in turn sacrafice themselves which led to damnation. Clearly, there are reasons why describing the basic moral good upon which the whole heaven/hell dichotomy as it relates to human life rests.

And yet, reading the comments which came before, nowhere did I find anyone concerned with this basic violation of classic values either? So, then the question is, have I missed some new evolution of human spirit in which your reversal on one of the most basic of human spiritual values makes sense? If no, then I'm back to conjuring a more palatable foundation for this violation, per se. Maybe you can help me here if you feel inclined, for what might be the alternative to what I can only surmise as mischief for the sake of attention grabbing shock produced by such a departure from the norm or cliche?

As a last resort, I would suggest emphasizing or balancing such a orthogonal negation of a classic with an element of mystery, at least, for as every rule was meant to be broken (as such) even the most solidly accepted classics which remain unbroken rules to this day might still find themselves excused in some future evolution of human spirit. And, I think we must all agree to that, IE I don't believe a single individual of faith hasn't imagined how much more influential the good book would be if their beloved almighty weren't dispossesed with a little more reality and conherency and a lot less mystery and dogma.

The real irony of this poem has to do with your eloquent and powerful grasp of the drama revealing a depth of faithful involvement which must have been at least at one time serious, only to see it turned on its head, without any fanfare or blaring horn. Indeed, the poems complete reversal of the classic drama reveals a rare potential complete reversal of the author's past faith.

Yet, why am I so hesitant to raise this intuitive insight up as my conclusion? It's not that I doubt such reversals take place. Perhaps, it is because of all the reversals and their range to which I may attest to have encountered, nare I say can I remember one which didn't include a litany of wreckage associated with the process, including some degree of scarring as well? Should my intuition regarding the source of this work from your pen be near spot on I must exclaim my kudos for how you've left the usual unexpressed, first because I'm sure it was not easy, and second, because the result is infinitely more poetic in its simplicity and elegance.

On the other hand, you might have simply decided to twist this classic on a ruse, being more than faithful perhaps or simply mischevious. Perhaps, you may enlighten me, but regardless, it was certainly worth the read and afterthought, attempting to put the real story in proper perspective and its light of revelation.

Rjd

Inside "Focusing" work by Ann Cornell

The further I get into a book by Ann Cornell called, The Radical Acceptance of Everything, the more I see her work aligned in its efforts to what I've already come to embrace in the Fourth Way. There's no spiritual, historical background behind "focusing," but the success made by her and her colleagues greatly raises awareness in a way that repairs the wrong work and dysfunctionality of being human, rendering us the worst of machines. Concepts used for FOCUSING and those offered by the Fourth Way have completely different intents and exist on different scales of being. For the hearer, the ideas of focusing exist only insofar as are effective tools for direction and guidance for those engaged in the theraputic process itself. While Fourth Way concepts reveal an intellectual and descriptive mode or level of thinking about being human, Cornells concepts support a process between speaker and listener in which the listener is challenged semantically in precise ways which result in transformations to the awareness. The effect on awareness reflects a clearer and much wider field of reality we all seem pretty much blind to at present and in our past.

Just today, after reading anecdotes in which FOCUSING techniques were applied to obtain results, I found my own personal awareness significantly shifted. It's a very difficult process to withstand. In particular, the sorrow associated with recognizing how much of life is or was missed growing up. How unaware I was is overwhelmingly shocking as I see how I might just as easily been instructed as a child in a way leading to higher levels of awareness that we all actually need to be fully human and happy, in the first degree.

One of the most important distinctions I can offer at this time about the difference in the quality of awareness has to do with the idea of listening. The work of Cornell is all about focusing one's listening on what we have not been listening to and long ago forgot even existed. These PLACES and AREAS for which our awareness was withdrawn, continued to exist influencing us in such negative but hidden and unacknowledged ways.

So, now is the beginning of a real period of recovery in my life.

And all the time, while growing up, going to a psychotherapist, I was under the impression that I was either doomed or cursed in some way, somehow defective in my core and that my happiness was always going to be at best transient, always covering over the knowledge that in some permanent way I was not relevant to my world.

Well, with today's new insights among other recent ones, I have begun to feel encouraged to engage in relative work I can either devise or find to test out what's possible for the health and healing of my being-awareness. The core of it all is pure awareness, the evolution of it through higher consciousness. It's not really changing the process as much as it is evolving my ability to be aware, and in that higher awareness the process of life and its quality transforms by itself.

My issues, for now remain the same in general, though a lot of movement has taken place within these contexts in the last few days.  Family, love, money, health, happiness, liberty, justice, spirit, education. These remain my main and primary issues in life, today.