Sunday, February 27, 2011


Whatever differences may come
to others not serious and sincere
I have heard the Moon's laughter
regarding so many fictions levied
Over her own truth, light reflecting
for one vision that listens depth
sincerely, seriously, and silently.

There is singularity at the source
incapable of description here
yet, quite there, and yet, where
waters bring full circle light here
in shimmering beauty of shadow
reflecting moon shine harmony.

Coming home within humanity
it gives our sexuality its power
from highest source naturally.
Nothing comes nearer in fact
to this union of chaos and order
manifest in the divine blended.

In polarized yet reciprocal union
created out of pure reflection
we have the cosmic equity
which forms the foundation
of humanity's procreation
reflecting solidly and true.

© 022711 rjduberg

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

To Die For
The part of life I have cared the most about,
enjoyed the most, learned the most from,
found the most inspiration as a result of,
came unglued to most with,
spent my nights awake over the most,
ever became ecstatic over,
ever felt my life martyred by,
or felt like martyring my life by,
not to mention just dying for.

Well it died just yesterday now
after revealing itself as a fraud.
Letting go was never so hard
and yet, who can hold on
in the face of a bracing wind
to the tail of a tale about vapor

There will be no wake for the crying
those better left alone to think it over
might just complicate things if they knew
the manner of my lover, lying I could trust her.
Despite her persuasions and sleight of hand
which defied my reason and better judgment
for years, only to suddenly call on my attention
with that old pattern I honestly thought was over

found everything at risk to begin had evaporated.

© 110223 rjduberg

Sunday, February 20, 2011

my heart beats
sound your name
in my soul as clear
as rain, as radiant as
the sun, and as deep
as the ocean, as beautiful
as a starry night, and more
fragrant than any rose.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The Talent is the Call

Bringing light into the world making life possible
would be the sun's call and her answer shines
without condition but without recognition, love
and a talent that makes miracles like this world
remains so far away, its said too close burns ya
and every feather I see floating is what remains
of those who got separated from their shadows
when blinded and dehydrated, surprise surprise.
Nobody blames her, life thrives more than not.
Of that I have to believe, like a moon shadow
Her talent is a world that loves her still, so, well
even while not knowing, their being calls her.
If I have a soulmate then as much as you, her.
And if I am sideways with you, then with her
while the weather will roar in darkest shadow
Even Gaia cannot stand love that is wasted.
Being a man requires you to negotiate love
against the unbearable thought negation.
The cost skyrockets after so many declines
and nothing good comes in that descent.
Gaia tells me the same, a brother as well
Skewed is a little town I'm accused of visiting
when the descent bankruptcy begins to win.
This ONE TIME, my star will continue to shine.

© 2-17-2011 rjduberg

Monday, February 14, 2011

A flashback proper ummmm ... Oh Alice ...

The major facts which I find relevant like a hammer. Today has seen me pumped full of higher energy from somewhere I didnt attend to, really. Now, there's been a breach and I'm afraid virus' more than anything, and I'm far too cooped up, but I can't deny Steph hon is a schmumongous hottie that girl ... has secrets I will not tell. But I'm telling God right now did he get all of that one or what? Some would say I've been blessed, LOL, that would make my entire life if she opened up to me in reality.  Dreaming.

But who needs reality when her fantasies are just smokin YES...ok then ...

Sunday, February 13, 2011

~Death Rambles to Hell

Itt's sad again to run into my melancholy, unexpected distress now
 change, now, some added survival skills
slow is for me, ranged out comfortably, ticks are lost on others
change of atmosphere's Kelvin is never missed to my extremities
hands and feet, numb as hell
always noticed, always in mood to engage legendary futterwacken
 a lot is rarely noticed except by function, and some moods don't care
I got em spread out more consciously now, their essence comes
along a measure of energy singular or combined, mess kept separate
for messy minds in past and history tonight, the way back, unkind
Just feeling clear enough to quickly harmonize a frequency polyphonic
 energy vibrating at a certain rate, pace, or dynamic range is aligned
Right now I am on the tail of a big flop, in full polarity reversal
and nothing is very pretty about such a sight, felt invisible butt ugly
known only by new felt energy, heard by inner ear, with an inner eye.
But tonights mood strangely suggests I lost relational respect
after earlier today dramatically stating how much I need her
I felt so much pain over losing Renee I threaten suicide to her
and there's nothing odder one finds than desperate pretense
you know your going to face whatever, if your ruse misfires
but nothing could be expected to be greater for the magnitude
expressed in an actor's talent to be sincere despite negatives.
There's no honor gained by forgetting to de-stage in present
where reality exists and life is limited to existing processing
process existing like death ramble to hell
to make death early and merciful my answer
for what?
Stephie's convincing me no matter what, she will not cheat.
That one is a real stormy pit with surging cold front coming
front surging in me, backside will wait until eye floods not
in dry whisps wheezing maybe, tired of crying over a girl.
She convinced me with concurrent moods unfamiliar now.
I just feel the inevitable pain of being axed permanent like...
my inward horizon unseen yet felt beyond foggy notions
I've learned to trust even if wrong, for such errors instruct
us, to lessons of abstract nature to prepare the eventuality
of our escort to manifestations reflecting nothing familiar
old conditions overrun by abstract knowledge, now here
makes a new mood - so highly desirable.
I liked the old ones when she was still mine to have
it's worthy even if untrue for my dreams of any sanity
grace, high and dry, less being fav...
The thought of losing her still bloody's floor with cardio
my chest wounds leave me broken without the sorrow
for I'd rather not end my days in a world without her
and I'm pretty sure my frenzied attempt to re-negotiate
the new mood's shadow, cast over my heart like a hat
failed miserably with another slow roll to the presses.
I take as some kind of compassionate compromise
where extra time is provided for me to get used to it
casting shadows on my face like that
and used up in encore between surviving issue
sees me choking on view to extinguishing flames
the idea itself reprehensible, only she would
unafraid, and really without care still so graceful
so much that these lethal wounds she disallowed
and now this makes a second time with the one
whose to blame! ... when all is mutualized nutbag.
still engaged but connection fading, right?
how much time? is simple, shorter, no doubt
what hope have I remains a crime third time
still a third time really sucks somehow
and I should mention that any killing
possible not for lack of weapons
or killers and triggers
would favor me by ending this
by doing me first
so sick to see her
a third time, is odd, is it not?
COPYRIGHT © 2152011 rjduberg

PS-I hope she never reads this, and my experiment remains less influential outside my control. I prefer her maintain social grace with positive notes even if volume decreases steadily and unresponsive for glory of past.

Somewhat ashamed my general westernized idiom use here hearkened me back all theway to Renee ... so concerned that my choice on a subject that sucks like this will offend or irritate a reader's comfort with this poem.
It talks to a specific time and place and understanding relevant to my life and it sucks but wtf? That's the ramble to hell man

Open to suggestions for replacing my current navigational maps with new associations, for sure.


Saturday, February 12, 2011

~Relief in Need Needs No Theory

It's oh so early but not nearly for my insomnia
spending time like spare change on confection
comes not unlike the extra lbs of middle age
this morning as I braille matters numb in hand
running on empty again when long ago dry
One part per million I've heard is too much
how to discern that in one's spirit weighs humble
on so many operations one's mind will execute
chaining along a linear fashion is trope norm
while a few oddballs throw in knots of dreams
which cue one to stop, and play the back side.

In this memory of power once driven round
all these knots have become a kinder route
with the chains of moments flowing in time
vanishing falling even wandering off remote
a few special kinds of noisy pieces are kept
to remind me that while I prefer not time
ways remain myself tethered unfortunate.
this waste of now in such noisey alarm
keeps me awake, aware of my aches of age
Would life be without ointments and heat
power sources I can plug into in the pinch

Such time constrained reconaissance
would be for not, leaving one part enough
to seek my future and succumb to the rest.
The relief of braille may bump a paradox
yet I find the more relief the better the now.

Graphic for Death of a Valentine

Friday, February 11, 2011

Archived Quotations

The only thing that is real is the being in you that is going to die.
Castaneda, The Fire From Within

"The greatest secret of monarchic to keep men deceived and to cloak in the specious name of religion the fear by which they must be checked, so that they will fight for slavery as they would for salvation, and will think it not shameful, but a most honorable achievement, to give their life and blood that one man may have a ground for boasting."
Baruch Spinoza

“...Before considering the question that is seemingly always the most immediate one and the only urgent one, What shall we do? we ponder this: How must we think? For thinking is genuine activity, genuine taking a hand, if to take a hand means to lend a hand to...the coming to presence of Being.”
Castaneda, The Fire From Within

"...If warriors are going to have an internal dialogue, they should have the proper dialogue. That's the detached manipulation of intent through sober commands." Castaneda, The Fire From Within

" cannot speak of anything at any time: it is not easy to say something new; it is not enough for us to open our eyes, to pay attention, or to be aware, for new objects suddenly to light up and out of the ground."
Foucault, The Archaeology of Knowledge of the most blinding of all errors in our search for our true nature and for paradigms which enhance our participation in life is the confusion of who we are with our consciousness of things. We confuse being with being conscious.  Werner Erhard, Essay - Being Well

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Another Beautiful Sunset in Imperial Beach

May the Biggest Spammer Win...

Most reasonable people would agree that it doesn't make sense that the companies who own or take part in a network of interlinked websites should rank higher than those who don't. And why should the websites that have people "writing" boatloads of blog comments outrank their competitors who have no desire to spam others' blogs? If you're commenting because you'll possibly get some link value rather than because you feel the need to add to the conversation, it adds unnecessary clutter and should be considered spam by the search engines (in my opinion). I wouldn't be surprised if 90% of blog and forum comments fall into that category, as do most articles submitted to article directories.  - Jill Whalen,CEO of High Rankings, Boston MA

I read this today and the ambivalence I felt represented Jill's occupational integrity and courage in calling out one of the biggest of the big boys responsible for the show we call the internet on how the facts don't match up with their spin. Understanding how the trail that leads up to Google's door is one of the most lucractive and expensive ly maintained cyber paths you can find today, the defacto cargo which that road carries, there can be no mistake about, liquid capital, money for short. The western advise for deconstructing any commerical enterprise called "Follow the Money," is a key factor in analyzing internal Google policy and operation, because of its primary place in their economy and in conjunction with the skew between factoids of function and statements of policy. Thus when asking the question about black box results not justifying policy one has use money in the first variable to find the closest or smallest angle of attack in generating an explanation.

The skew then becomes less about error and more precisely about money and its leverage between functional results and how far Google's statements can veer or appear to still obtain poilcy if the questions regarding greyness in those results can be dismissed in light of a minimum set of cold hard facts obtained. Another word for this corporate spin control between operations having a skewed skew or derived skew has historically been propaganda. The way Google avoids this kind of reputational negative has to do more with the fact that Google's royalty and huge such that they acquired a form of monarchial power to their base. Thus, spin with the purpose of persuading or convincing or generating more support, necessary and part an enterprises strategic planning for competitive response no longer supports or impacts corporations economic health since the days of acquiring larger market share or over. 

What the challenge is now to succeed IS in NOT giving any critical mass of content leading to dissatisfaction and rejection based on the sense of being lied to or not adequately supported or you name anything involved in a perceived lack of integrity or lack of innovative pace and speed and the challenge now is containing that everything in that box from getting out and becoming visible to the client.
Jill's article may lean a little bit in favor or her own personal and corporate bias, and such managers of critical review content must be careful about their rhetoric, carefully qualifying their assessments and editing out bias to be successful in their jobs journaling on an industry where every event and operation exists only because someone was courageous enough to invest in a new paradigm of design from which to generate solutions current programming was too weak to address, just looking at this from a pragmatic and economically viable angle. Risks are taken both out of a commitment to vision or excellence but more rroutinely because of the possiblility of bigger pay check or payday that such efforts on new development are justified by given the massive organizational support and retooling that often comes with them.

What Jill has given me pause so I could revisit my mostly cynical attitudes towards eCommerce applications which dominate the internet as well as Search Engines, which as I have already described exist at the most expensive locations where nothing but money travels and clients get treated to the back doors and alleyways so that all resources for transfrering and accounting for money are state of theh art. These doorways are gigantic perversions of infrastructure you can find at the pinnacle of business today. Shocking realities which are quiete rarely seen in public media and reporting (the real propagandists) and kept free and clear of the trouble makers like Jill by simply censoring all who travel their letting only qualified money carriers enter and exit with some very esoteric encrypted passkeys.

So there's the money, and the skew, and the logical connection with the concluding inference that money is buying the skew, and paying the owners to CONCEAL results thus maintaining the public impression that the company's purpose is not being manipulated and thus the public's vote and their choices limited and/or monopolized, worst of all that market share has been coopted and now owned instead of competed for OR that god forbid what the public is being told is a fabrication and misrepresentation hiding these facts due to the likelihood of sales revenue fueling a competitor or competing market, NOT that general revenue is at risk since its dominated these days by the advertising dollars which form the basis of why the skew exists in the first place.

It's a fascinating phenomenon of corruption to consider and credit must be given to any reports which suggest or organize the intel which expresses the truth for less sophisticated laypersons, naturally existing in positionsn of regulation and governmental oversight, people most vulnerable and given into schmoozing buyoffs and bribery tactics, backroom dealings and their own form of compromise and spins aimed at more ideological pursuits instead raw profit.

Next ... What's really going on here!

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Death of a Valentine, 2011
She's a ginormous goddess, fresh and natural
wizened through falls, gaining so much grace
she is a champion female with a divine touch
intelligence composed, understated, brilliant.
Her focus, an arc of grace, dances in a ballet
once upon a time, awing audiences on stage.
She is my self-reflection perfected in a woman
I have only adored more, each and every way.

But now that she's returned, be glad your late.
For I am not so feminine, nor nearly as brilliant
and things slow to me, while others keep pace.
I don't see an end coming to always being last.
I have gotten a solid point in this never-ending.
Complicated naivete in reserve, forward hurts.
Whatever comes last, of and out, of this moment
is my tradition, I have no one to blame but myself.

I write this poem for love, celebrating wonder
over my capacity to still feel love in my heart
especially for her, and hearing hers still return.
Just doesn't matter much to anyone anymore.
I've been waiting all my life for a girl like her
whose virtuosity is a flowering within my heart
I may yet get the rep, so often weeping starts
It took days at one point for me, to understand
I am making almost everything up in my head.

When I came to, I was once again sobbing
over the realization our love is fading history
and what I was engaging, all virtual in limit.
Leading once again to the original tragedy
whence I lost the chance as her Valentine.
Forever now without her deepest intimacy
seems worse for being my principle suffering
in ongoing struggle with wheels on the spin.

She is really so incredibly hot, love so true
Thus a poem to remember my role to wit
with a Valentine requeim made to honor
and the rest to recall how losing post felt
with a note on being humbled by love
and so it is even at the time of this write
My love for her was never greater, despite
knowing all is ruined inward, a future black.

© 2022011, rjduberg
dedicated to Stephie