~How This Heart Continues

Late nights trouble me
I lose track of time
how long ago was it
when fall began
the world left to me
in the ruins of my heart

Doctor attended my survival
but nothing has changed.
How this heart continues
I'd rather not say, can't;
especially late at night
when life craps this way.

Those I love, so far away.
Men not allowed to whine.
Lonely and abandoned...
Would it have helped a child?
Back then as I began
the ignorance was bliss.

Now I'm accused of being a child.
An old guy does childish things
absentmindedly racing by time.
I feel less than way back then.
The spiritual quest didn't fail.
I awoke in a fall from grace.

Women were always a mistake
I'm obsessed over the love lost.
The pain warns me of my ego.
It's my life, it's my right to wake
on this flight more an aftermath
of waiting that's killing outright.

Knowing worse in the world
doesn't stop an iota of pain.
The wings that kept me aloft
were mythological and rotten
adding insult to the injury
of time lost in coming horror.

The dawn inflates my facade.
I know pretenses that please
despite how bitter the taste
invoked by other's whatever
like Sharapova tennis reruns
virtual power by image elite.

I have been waiting too long
for me not to whine about
how my heart continues.
I am forced to make a move
though there's no reason to.
The paradox screws tighten.

(c) September, 2006