Acknowledgments
Next generation Humor
Yesterday, I got in a tussle with Alison, due to my not having much listening for her generation I guess. 20 years old, studying at NYU, which is kind of in the rough part of town (it might be??), carries on with her friends in an overexaggerated Goth, "Don't fuck with me!" act. Girl has some rather Ironic elements forming her narrative to be sure. Anyway, I finally realized after getting some advice from online, that I missed her joke, which could be determined by how everyone was speaking to a different Alison. They were agreeing but they weren't. Well, I had been so jaded by the content and how sexist and ill it was I was missing those other in retrospect rather loud signals to put some attention on it, but I didn't. So it wasn't until someone got really up into my face that I had enough anchor to look more deeply at what I thought I had nailed down.
Clearly, I have a lot to learn on keeping open. Working on one's beliefs is and uberimportant achievement worth more than the vast majority of other important goals. Well, I can feel myself digressing so I'll skip to the end and just report that despite any negative assessment Alison has about me, at least my opinion of her had jumped signficantly, I no longer am worried about her attitude (thank god for that
Today, John is 62, I think. Our sister responded to my reminder by saying, "So What." She's signaling to me that it's OK for me to NOT care for our brothers. She's doing that unique sense of humor pretending to be negative but simply covering up some rather long term ambivalencies where are brothers are concerned. That was yet another wake call, in which I was surprised by the way she's always been about our brothers before?? No reason for her to change now and in fact, she remained in character. But only last night did I taste how bitter it is.
I thought she and I were succeeding in clearing our relationship as of late. And while the truth is I love my sister, when things get this wonky I'm convince time is short and maybe even already gone.
Started really enjoying writing and spent the entire night gambling and writing, gambling and writing, no sex, no fun, no rock n roll, and no woman. I'm beginning a journal I hope will morph itsrelf into a bestseller someday. I'm still scanning my own desire and where I want to place my attention. But if i'm loyal to writing in it, It should be a very interesting memoir.
Morning is getting pretty hot and slim.
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