I’m not really sure what to do with this new gained perspective on love. As I look back over my life I can see this perspective play out over and over with differing degrees of maturity involved in its expression. Tonight sees yet another cycle climax aligned and amplified in some degree by the New Year I think.
The truth for me is that I love the feminine in myself and others in which I find resonance and synchronicity and higher calling heard in my heart as a pulling gravitational pull of love that is synced in with mine in some important way. Problem has always been that I destroy this access in its range by getting intimate with any one single female. A few have stolen my heart for a time proportionate to the ferocity of their love for me. There is an inherent danger in my sharing this with another whom I do appreciate and love for exactly her feminine resonance to my masculine. I cannot deny the level of maturity that has arisen, as is expressed by the unfolding vocabulary which is allowing me greater conscious access and concurrent skill in sharing exactly how I feel. Maybe not? LOL, but my sense of humor is enough to cover in the case of any mistakes I make, I hope. It’s that hope that I am now somehow enamored with at least enough to move forward, OK then … I still have to make simple the complex here and believe me the phase is still a work/moment in progress.
Mostly, I need honesty. That last feminine attempt to breach my installed morality of patience having leap too many times into the clamoring abyss of love heart to heart was rocking my world right up until I wasn’t moving fast enough and her closing remark revealed an outright lie made in the lets see here kind of exploratory facade designed to gain access.
Your kindness and love have sustained a bleak outlook here from becoming despairing or desperate. Thank you.
Love, rj, xox
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